The forbidden fruit syndrome. I’m sure you’ve experienced this at some stage of you life; from aesthetically wanting to be taller, thinner, prettier; to relationships, wanting who you can’t have, or know someone who has.
When it comes to health; when we restrict ourselves on diets, we automatically want and desire the foods we ‘arent allowed’.
‘You change your life by changing your heart’.
I’ve been heard saying (many times) ‘why do I always seem to fall for the ones I can’t have’? (I’ve also heard this more times than I can count from girlfriends and guy friends alike). We want what we can’t have.
Studies show that when you are told NO, it increases your desire, your want and need. The mind becomes fixated on getting a YES. We really are complicated creatures with an intricate thinking process.
In terms of dating what is it that attracts us to those that are emotionally, mentally or physically unavailable to us? Is it the thrill of the chase? Is it a desire for self-justification, or proving self-worth when and of they finally say yes? What happens when you dont get that justification?
You may have chased someone, frustrated with their lack of interest, for them to turn around and be interested and you actually decide your actually not interested (a common occurrence).
‘If a person wants to be a part of your life, they will make an obvious effort to do so. Think twice before reserving a space in your heart for people who do not make an effort to stay.’
We hear of it repeatedly with marriage affairs; a woman or man is happy to be the ‘mistress or man on the side’ but when the married party talks about divorce it’s as though your pouring ice cold water over a burning hot flame, the side party is no longer interested.
If someone is unattainable, either they are already committed or unable to commit, it does not mean you are not good enough, or that you are not worthy of love. remember everyone has their own beautiful life journey, we are all at different times and stages of it. When it is right, you will both be in the right situation, the right time.
We associate love and pleasure in our brains releasing Dopamine. This can make it difficult to break away from situations where the romance is unsuitable and clearly not beneficial of your time. Dopamine makes us feel good, when we remove the situation that creates this feeling our body, the mind will crave it, its a natural response to want to feel good. Sometimes its the drama we are addicted to; the highs, the lows, the circle of unpredictability. How healthy is this? This circle is destructive to any bonds of intimacy you hope to create and it wont be long before you feel depleted, alone and confused. My advice, find other ways to create pleasure, spend some time with people who are available; loved ones who care and respect you.
‘Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.’ Audrey Hepburn
unfortunately there is no consolidation (from the song) being “with the one you’re with” when it’s not the “one you want.” But the good news is that time does heal everything and you deserve better than being on the side or someones part time. If you are with someone who is not the one you want, my opinion is that you should spend some time being on your own, not mis treating someone who is giving you their priceless time and affection, rather wait patiently for something that is right to come along, rather than just being with anyone.
Some people are unattainable; people who are married, in a relationship, I even believe seeing someone continuously (building something). Dont be the person to break apart these commitments.
Find someone that is available and you can become unavailable together.
‘If anyone can have it, I dont want it’.
In the terms of diet, stop restrictive thinking. You can have anything you want, just remember; Junk foods create junk moods. Choose to honour your body, and if you need that 3 pm chocolate, choose dark chocolate full of Cacao/antioxidants. Balance.
Love & light, Charlie x.
Remember karma, what goes around comes around.
As always these are simply my thoughts about the complex world that is dating and the amazing gorgeous thing called LIFE.