A love lost.

Lately I’ve been finding myself a little caught up in the past. You know when you seem to keep re thinking things, how they occurred, moments that have passed.

‘Love is the most beautiful thing to have, hardest thing to earn and most painful thing to lose.’ Unkown

loved7

Obviously not the best place for any of our thoughts to be.

As I’m here building my empire (you have to speak what you believe for it to come true), I’m finding it more and more difficult to find someone to connect with (#love). As the difficulty increases I spend my time (as we all do) evaluating myself, my tendencies to love, to pull away (my current strike rate is 1 date and your out) I cant help but contemplate if I’ve had my great love. That one person who would do anything for ou, who creates their world to make yours better, that one person who is your number one believer, supporter. The one who was always there when it mattered.

loved9

Im referring to my ‘good’ ex. I speak often about my ‘bad’ ex, the one who betrayed my love and trust. But I don’t often speak about the one who I betrayed.

‘You will never know true happiness until you have truly loved, and you will never understand what pain really is until you have lost it.’ Anonymous

dating2

During that not so good time of my life, caught up with my bad ex, his multiple other woman, lies and mental abuse, I was lucky enough to meet someone who was so kind, so in love with me (I never knew why), someone who was my best friend. Yet, I never appreciated him, his time or his love. I wasnt a nice person, actually far from it. I didn’t give him the love he deserved (He’s now engaged and I know he will be an amazing husband, father and wish him and his fiance all the love and happiness that I never gave him).

“The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren’t paying attention to before.”
“Good Will Hunting”

I cant help but contemplate if I’m now/still receiving my karma, from all those years of mistreating him, whilst believing my ‘bad’ ex, Mr Wrong was the right love…am I now paying the price? The struggle to find someone to connect with is real (also there is a study that shows there is a shortage of men in Sydney). Its easy to find someone to share your bed with, but your hopes and dreams and inner fears, not so…this is reality. {yes, i want Marvin Gaye, flowers…romance #highexpectations}

It can sometimes take us a long time to realise what we lose. It’s then the hardest part to recover from that loss, but for me its the guilt I am holding onto. As I create change in my life, give love, share love and build my world, I cant help but have self doubt as I know I wasnt always this person, (I think) kind, loving, ‘nice’.

k2

‘Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be.” Sonia Ricotti

But that’s the beauty of life…we have the power, the opportunity to create it, everyday, every thought, every word we speak.

So, as I process my guilt, my regret I can only wish my lost love all the very best and work through releasing my thoughts, knowing that he is now happier than I ever could have made him. And after all, isnt that the true sign of love… their happiness?

“Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never met.” Unknown

And hopefully everyday that I do good will help rebuild my own love karma.

It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

Love & light, Charlie x.

Show someone you love & appreciate that you do today. A cute text message (those smiles ;), an extra long hug, a beautiful meal. Say ‘I love you’.

loved8

 

{I think 😉 }

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