My ‘Im not good enough’ belief

This may be difficult for some people to understand, and for some, easy to relate to.
I’ve recently been working with a psychologist to change my cognitive behaviour. For those that don’t know (I do speak openly about it in my book and in my seminars) I suffer depression & bpd.
‘I wish I could show you, When you are lonely or in darkness, The astonishing light of your own being.’ Hafiz
‘Shame is the most powerful, master emotion. Its the fear that were not good enough.’ Brene Brown

Whilst I am honestly living a life I am loving, and feeling grateful everyday, it wasn’t long ago I started to recognize my own self destruction habits and knew I needed some help.

I had confided and spoken to many of my friends about my acts of self sabotage (I am currently suffering an emotional eating issue), but didn’t find the answers or support I was looking for.
In times of emotional distress or insecurity it’s common for people to create addictions, usually some form of substance or food that creates a sensation of satisfaction.
For me, this is true.

Many people see my highlight reel, my ‘perceived’ success, but few really know the daily battles I face & the constant positive enforcement I require to achieve the things I do (daily happiness).

The honest fact is, it’s hard to build a business on your own. No family support, or lover & very few business minded friends that I feel safe to confide in, it’s been an easy option/way out of my stress to turn to comfort eating (90% this is still clean food).

This self sabotage is an action of my core belief that I will never be good enough.
“I put alot of pressure on myself. I think somethings not good enough, and I wont stop until I feel like Ive made it. Im never satisfied.’ J. Cole
I will never be good enough, a belief that I created (no one else made me believe it) from a younger age. Any time I feel successful or close to breaking through my barriers I act in self sabotaging manners to bring myself back down to my pre conceived level of where I should be (which I was told at a younger age, wasn’t much).
‘All I can tell you really is if you get to the point where someone is telling you that you are not great or not good enough, just follow your heart and dont let anybody crush your dream.’ Patti LaBelle
So as my business is growing & I’m nearly struggling (in an overwhelmingly grateful way) to keep up, I self sabotage with emotional eating. In times of stress or insecurity I reach for a sense of comfort, not being able to get that from the relationships around me…it has been a bad habit of over eating. You know that over full feeling? That. Thinking that I can’t have it all (inside, I do know I can) because I believe deep within myself that I will never be good enough.
w5Challenging these cognitive behaviours that are engraved in my thought and habit patterns is SO challenging, but it can be done.

It’s never to late to change. Never to late to decide you want more and to decide that you don’t want to live your life a certain way anymore.
k5If you find that you are suffering repeatedly, making the same mistakes or have created acts of self sabotage, know that it is always ok to ask for help.
It’s ok not to be perfect.
Not to have it together all the time (these things I am learning). The best thing you can do is notice. Reflect on your life, on these habits or bad addictions and work with someone to break them.
It’s your life, you are the CEO & you get to direct your thoughts as you would your staff to create the results you want.
‘We are each gifted in a unique and important way. It is our privilege and our adventure to discover our own special light.’ Mary Dunbar
seslf sabotage 2Be prepared to do the work, I am (stop looking for quick fixes and focus on everyday just being a little better than yesterday).
Ready to break old patterns that are no longer (never were) of benefit to me.
Cognitive Behaviour Therapy is essentially a collaborative and individualised program that helps individuals to identify unhelpful thoughts and behaviours and learn or relearn healthier skills and habits. Extract Australian Association for Cognitive and Behaviour Therapy.
‘To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.’ Thich Nhat Hanh
Love & light, Charlie x.
Feeling incredibly vulnerable writing about this, but being true to who I am, my brand and keeping it real.
{Judgement is not welcomed}

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