The Dating Game {for her}

I recently wrote an article about the complexity of the game that is called dating.

The response I received proved I was not the only player playing without a rule book.

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The Dating Game; For her…

{*Please note these are only my thoughts, not rules, and I am definitely not a professional dater}

Stop waiting for someone to ‘fix’ your life.

Is your life broken, perhaps not quite as you want it to be? We all go through the highs and lows that are called life, but its important that you look within yourself to ‘fix’ whatever it is you feel isnt quite right. You are the only one who can truly create change in your life. Sure, other people, love, may help, but these are only a temporary distraction from what is really going on within you.

Imagine how good it will feel when you create change in your life and you have yourself to thank for creating it (I can tell you, it is one of the most overwhelming emotions EVER).

‘Eventually all the pieces fall into place…until then, laugh at the confusion, live for the moment, and know that everything happens for a reason’. Carrie Bradshaw.

 

 

Love Yourself FIRST.

If you do not truly love yourself, how can you expect someone else to? Love your imperfections, these are your unique gifts. Love your attributes. Love the way you act, the way you speak…learn to love yourself. This is not coming from an egotistical point, but just be ok with who you are. Imagine looking in the mirror and instead of saying ‘I wish I was taller’, ‘gosh your fat’, ‘why cant I look like …{insert favourite models name here}; Imagine if you could start your day with positive self image thoughts; ‘looking good’, ‘Im feeling healthy today’, ‘I really love my hair/skin/eyes’ etc.

This is the best knowledge you will ever attain. You don’t need a certificate of attainment, for this will be written on your heart every day in the way you treat everything around you.

When you truly love yourself for everything that you are and everything that you are not you will give yourself that sense of security you may have always been looking for (I was, in all the wrong places). Good date, bad date, it wont matter because you will always have yourself.

Stop comparing yourself. You are precious; like a diamond.

“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.”  – Buddha

Ask for what you deserve.

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The game is tricky and many people are serial daters (dating 1, 2, 3 or more people at the same time). When you start to know someone, if you enjoy their company and things are going well, don’t be afraid to ask for respect (basically exclusivity with no pressure). Do you respect your time? So should he. The heart is a sensitive muscle and it can easily be damaged. Respect is a minimum requirement when emotions get involved. And if he can’t/wont….he doesn’t deserve your time. Its ok to create your own standards for what you think is acceptable treatment/behaviour.

Show him how to treat you.

Do you value yourself, your life, your time? Life gets busy and it seems, well for me anyway, my whole life not just work is on a schedule (yes I am hoping to relax this). Men tend to be more blaze then women about plans (we all know this as fact), show him or tell him that it isn’t ok to attempt to organise dinners/sleepovers….that day (A woman has to be prepared!). I’m not advising that you start playing games, just remember, women plan, men, well, they don’t.

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This also shows that you respect yourself and your commitments. Note to all the ladies out there; DO NOT CANCEL on pre arranged plans (with friends! We are all so guilty of this) because he calls last minute. It is not ok and your friends, you know those people who have been in your life for longer, will be upset.

‘A  loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.’ Thomas Carlyle

Do not excuse bad behaviour.

Lies. Cheating. Abuse (physical or mental). Sabotage.

Is not ok.

Date the nice guy (and if you find one of these, let me know 😉 Nice, driven, motivated, kind, & replicates scenes from romcoms…up, its no wonder Im single).

Stop settling/better than nothing.

Don’t be the girl who NEEDs to be in a relationship. Have you ever asked yourself why? Why do you NEED to have someone in your life regardless of if you love them or not? Be happy on your own.

Don’t settle for less than you deserve, but also remember that no one is perfect. so, you don’t like his shoes or perhaps the way he does his hair…these are such minute details, do they even matter?

 

Get rid of your ‘list’. I once had a friend who had read a dating book which advised to write a list of attributes her perfect guy would have, then to keep it folded under her pillow and that then he would enter her life. Did it happen, no. Was every guy she ever met then on not good enough? Yes. Her list of attributes; generally; tall, dark, sexy smile, great body etc…only gave her high expectations that no normal guy could met.

“You cannot be lonely if you like the person you`re alone with.” Wayne Dyer

RELAX your ‘plan’.

The plan you dreamed of when you were a small girl (many dream of being married with children by a certain age) only puts pressure on yourself and the (poor) man you are dating. I personally had definitely thought I would be married by 30. Relax the plan, take it as it happens. Make it easy. Let it flow.

Have faith and trust that everything does happen for a reason. Perhaps you aren’t ready yet, perhaps you have some areas within yourself that need that love your willing to give away.

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“Whatever you are doing, love yourself for doing it. Whatever you are feeling, love yourself for feeling it.”  Thaddeus Golas

When it happens, it will be worth it, and it will be so much better because you will be complimenting each others lives rather than living in need.

Love & Light, Charlie x.

‘Where there is love there is life’ Ghandi

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