Have you ever dated someone you thought was ‘The One’, only to find out they were also dating numerous other people who thought he was also ‘The One’??? Your planning to move in together, start a life, a family…with a man whose also in the midst of making these plans with numerous other women/girls even.
Truth is, dam it hurts.
You fell… fast and deep for someone who wasnt real.
How could you not see this happening? How was your b&*shit radar so off… you fell deeply into his world of lies? What do these other girls have that you dont have?
So many questions consume your thoughts, and all you really want to know is why? When really, youll never get any real answers, especially not from him. Because he doesnt even know. He might be aware hes sick to some degree, but nothing can stop his unconscious behaviour, he knows how to get what he wants and will continue to act this way.
Theres definitely nothing wrong with you, and its not even about the other girls. Theres something in these guys minds that distorts the truth and their moral compass.
My bullshit radar must be completely broken as Ive now dated this guy twice, one for 5 years and one recently for only a short time.
How do these guys do what they do? Do they have a conscience? Its so difficult for someone like me to understand, as Im so aware of the way I treat others, my words and my actions (definitely not saying Im perfect but, I am trying). How can someone intentionally create hurt to another person?
I mean, really we live in a world where everyone is dating everyone, everyone knows everyones business (thanks social media), were all more connected yet disconnected than ever, and all looking for real love. Yet, we wouldnt even know what real love was if we found it.
So these particular types of guys are out there ‘selling the dream’.
And all I can say… is be careful. Next guy that tells me hes going to wifey me within a week… Im chopping 😉
I dont need to be sold the dream, I just want truth, reality… see other people if you are, tell me, if you are DTF say it (i might or might not be), or is a FWB situation more suitable?
See, when a guy says his ex, or the other girls are crazy… RUN. If theres one thing I know to be the absolute truth in this world… girls DO NOT go crazy for no reason.. what did you do to her…
A sociopath is typically defined as someone who lies incessantly to get their way and does so with little concern for others. A sociopath is often goal-oriented (i.e., lying is focused—it is done to get one’s way). Sociopaths have little regard or respect for the rights and feelings of others. Sociopaths are often charming and charismatic, but they use their talented social skills in manipulative and self-centered ways.
A compulsive liar is defined as someone who lies out of habit. Lying is their normal and reflexive way of responding to questions. Compulsive liars bend the truth about everything, large and small. For a compulsive liar, telling the truth is very awkward and uncomfortable while lying feels right. Compulsive lying is usually thought to develop in early childhood, due to being placed in an environment where lying was necessary. For the most part, compulsive liars are not overly manipulative and cunning (unlike sociopaths), rather they simply lie out of habit—an automatic response which is hard to break and one that takes its toll on a relationship
Some warning signs:
They will generally tell you you are more than amazing before they even really know you. This will include being the one, wanting to wifey you, and talking about babies… before your even in a relationship.
They will ‘claim’ you within days. Call themselves ‘your man’. Say how perfect you are, they might even tell you how theyve f&*ked around…but that was before YOU. Theyll tell you how easy & comfortable it is with you, and how they can see a future.
Tend to disappear/not reply for periods of time (this is when they will be with one of the others).
Spend nights away with ‘family’. Personally I think this is the worst. These guys will also claim to be a family orientated guy, yet use their family as an excuse. The most masterful unincarcerated psychopaths can give a very warm impression and/or they talk incessantly about their values.
Oh, and theyll tell you about their friends who are sleeping around, and speak about them badly, condescendingly so you think… hes not like that (hes probably actually telling you stories of himself).
They may start working odd hours, theres no stability…structure. They may also start to go away for ‘work trips’.
And stories will be inconsistent, for example hell tell you shes a 19 year old, when shes 22, or his ex was 21 when shes 30 (guys… common, girls have all their girls on ‘research’ duty #lol).
AND… there will generally be a pity story… after you’ve dated for a little while, even a few days, dropped the L bomb… they’ll change from this charming, amazing, in control person, to someone who isn’t quite happy with their life, except for you of course (your the *favourite), it might be to do with money, which of course youll happily lend him as he’s the one your going to marry, it might be somewhere to stay… or just something, that you’ll feel like you need to be the best person you can and support him through this tough time (when in reality ladies, this tough time is because his other women… 1,2 3 or 6 of them have all found out about his cheating ways so hes not getting any love)
Sociopaths are likely to lay out their sad story to make them seem vulnerable and humble.
And the latest trend is Insta dating… they will follow you, like, like, like and creep your photos (particularly not your bikini ones though, because he doesn’t want to be seen as that kind of guy) for awhile, before a subtle comment and then a DM. Where he will tell you how he can see what a beautiful person you are and you need to catch up, because he knows your the one.
He will watch you, learn to understand you, then use all of these things to ‘get’ you.
Note to self: if he’s doing it to you, he’s doing it to everyone else.
Its difficult to comprehend that there are these types of people in the world, but there are. And unfortunately, they are just looking for love, for validation about their own insecurities. You see, these types of guys who prey and use ‘love’ are the weakest type of men out there. They have no real sense of morals, no sense of compassion and no idea what love is. They are insecure.
He wil tell you his ex, or others, were before he met YOU. And they are just burnt/crazy and saying things that arent true.
And in every situation Ive known or been part of, its not long until they are found out, then you and the others go crazy, meanwhile he’s already working on his next lot of ‘ones’. Because these guys cannot understand real emotion, or communication, so as soon as your not in love with him, hell be looking for that love/ego stroke elsewhere.
My only word of advice to anyone that is dating one of these guys, is leave. These men do not ever change. Even though they will do what they can to prove to you they will, give you pin numbers/delete insta etc. It wont be long until they are back to their games, and Im sorry my love, but you are one of them.
And I know that because as strange as it may sound, Im still friends with my ex who f*&*ked me so bad with a fake engagement ring (but my heart is no longer connected to him)
He Doesn’t Love You. He never has and he never will. It’s not personal, it’s him. No, I’m not saying this just to empower you, it’s the truth. Sociopaths don’t have the capacity to truly love; they exhibit the signs of love to serve their own benefit. It’s a Sociopath’s ultimate high to manipulate someone. You are simply a pawn. You’ll likely feel like you have met your Soul Mate because everything is that perfect, but manufactured love is the most important tool in their belt. Without love, they are powerless. They need your love to manipulate. You’ll likely be the recipient of attention, flattery, affection, physical love, and abundant “I Love You’s”. That’s the game. (excerpt Thought Catalog)
Its not you, its him.
And while I might say Im not dating until I can take a mobile lie detector… these f&*ks would pass.. because they believe what they are saying.
Love, Charlie x.