Dating a pathological liar/sociopath…

Have you ever dated someone you thought was ‘The One’, only to find out they were also dating numerous other people who thought he was also ‘The One’??? Your planning to move in together, start a life, a family…with a man whose also in the midst of making these plans with numerous other women/girls even.

 

sexxx

Truth is, dam it hurts.

You fell… fast and deep for someone who wasnt real.

How could you not see this happening? How was your b&*shit radar so off… you fell deeply into his world of lies? What do these other girls have that you dont have?

So many questions consume your thoughts, and all you really want to know is why? When really, youll never get any real answers, especially not from him. Because he doesnt even know. He might be aware hes sick to some degree, but nothing can stop his unconscious behaviour, he knows how to get what he wants and will continue to act this way.

Theres definitely nothing wrong with you, and its not even about the other girls. Theres something in these guys minds that distorts the truth and their moral compass.

My bullshit radar must be completely broken as Ive now dated this guy twice, one for 5 years and one recently for only a short time.

How do these guys do what they do? Do they have a conscience? Its so difficult for someone like me to understand, as Im so aware of the way I treat others, my words and my actions (definitely not saying Im perfect but, I am trying). How can someone intentionally create hurt to another person?

I mean, really we live in a world where everyone is dating everyone, everyone knows everyones business (thanks social media), were all more connected yet disconnected than ever, and all looking for real love. Yet, we wouldnt even know what real love was if we found it.

So these particular types of guys are out there ‘selling the dream’.

And all I can say… is be careful. Next guy that tells me hes going to wifey me within a week… Im chopping ūüėČ

I dont need to be sold the dream, I just want truth, reality… see other people if you are, tell me, if you are DTF say it (i might or might not be), or is a FWB situation more suitable?

See, when a guy says his ex, or the other girls are crazy… RUN. If theres one thing I know to be the absolute truth in this world… girls DO NOT go crazy for no reason.. what did you do to her…

A Sociopath

A sociopath is typically defined as someone who lies incessantly to get their way and does so with little concern for others. A sociopath is often goal-oriented (i.e., lying is focused‚ÄĒit is done to get one‚Äôs way). Sociopaths have little regard or respect for the rights and feelings of others. Sociopaths are often charming and charismatic, but they use their talented social skills in manipulative and self-centered ways.

Compulsive Liar

A compulsive liar is defined as someone who lies out of habit. Lying is their normal and reflexive way of responding to questions. Compulsive liars bend the truth about everything, large and small. For a compulsive liar, telling the truth is very awkward and uncomfortable while lying feels right. Compulsive lying is usually thought to develop in early childhood, due to being placed in an environment where lying was necessary. For the most part, compulsive liars are not overly manipulative and cunning (unlike sociopaths), rather they simply lie out of habit‚ÄĒan automatic response which is hard to break and one that takes its toll on a relationship

Some warning signs:

They will generally tell you you are more than amazing before they even really know you. This will include being the one, wanting to wifey you, and talking about babies… before your even in a relationship.

They will ‘claim’ you within days. Call themselves ‘your man’. Say how perfect you are, they might even tell you how theyve f&*ked around…but that was before YOU. Theyll tell you how easy & comfortable it is with you, and how they can see a future.

Tend to disappear/not reply for periods of time (this is when they will be with one of the others).

Spend nights away with ‘family’. Personally I think this is the worst. These guys will also claim to be a family orientated guy, yet use their family as an excuse. The most masterful unincarcerated psychopaths can give a very warm impression and/or they talk incessantly about their values.

Oh, and theyll tell you about their friends who are sleeping around, and speak about them badly, condescendingly so you think… hes not like that (hes probably actually telling you stories of himself).

They may start working odd hours, theres no stability…structure. They may also start to go away for ‘work trips’.

And stories will be inconsistent, for example hell tell you shes a 19 year old, when shes 22, or his ex was 21 when shes 30 (guys… common, girls have all their girls on ‘research’ duty #lol).

AND… there will generally be a pity story… after you’ve dated for a little while, even a few days, dropped the L bomb… they’ll change from this charming, amazing, in control person, to someone who isn’t quite happy with their life, except for you of course (your the *favourite), it might be to do with money, which of course youll happily lend him as he’s the one your going to marry, it might be somewhere to stay… or just something, that you’ll feel like you need to be the best person you can and support him through this tough time (when in reality ladies, this tough time is because his other women… 1,2 3 or 6 of them have all found out about his cheating ways so hes not getting any love)

Sociopaths are likely to lay out their sad story to make them seem vulnerable and humble.

And the latest trend is Insta dating… they will follow you, like, like, like and creep your photos (particularly not your bikini ones though, because he doesn’t want to be seen as that kind of guy) for awhile, before a subtle comment and then a DM. Where he will tell you how he can see what a beautiful person you are and you need to catch up, because he knows your the one.

He will watch you, learn to understand you, then use all of these things to ‘get’ you.

Note to self: if he’s doing it to you, he’s doing it to everyone else.

Its difficult to comprehend that there are these types of people in the world, but there are. And unfortunately, they are just looking for love, for validation about their own insecurities. You see, these types of guys who prey and use ‘love’ are the weakest type of men out there. They have no real sense of morals, no sense of compassion and no idea what love is. They are insecure.

He wil tell you his ex, or others, were before he met YOU. And they are just burnt/crazy and saying things that arent true.

And in every situation Ive known or been part of, its not long until they are found out, then you and the others go crazy, meanwhile he’s already working on his next lot of ‘ones’. ¬†Because these guys cannot understand real emotion, or communication, so as soon as your not in love with him, hell be looking for that love/ego stroke elsewhere.

My only word of advice to anyone that is dating one of these guys, is leave. These men do not ever change. Even though they will do what they can to prove to you they will, give you pin numbers/delete insta etc. It wont be long until they are back to their games, and Im sorry my love, but you are one of them.

And I know that because as strange as it may sound, Im still friends with my ex who f*&*ked me so bad with a fake engagement ring (but my heart is no longer connected to him)

He Doesn‚Äôt Love You.¬†He never has and he never will. It‚Äôs not personal, it‚Äôs him. No, I‚Äôm not saying this just to empower you, it‚Äôs the truth. Sociopaths don‚Äôt have the capacity to truly love; they exhibit the signs of love to serve their own benefit. It‚Äôs a Sociopath‚Äôs ultimate high to manipulate someone. You are simply a pawn. You‚Äôll likely feel like you have met your Soul Mate because everything is that perfect, but manufactured love is the most important tool in their belt. Without love, they are powerless. They need your love to manipulate. You‚Äôll likely be the recipient of attention, flattery, affection, physical love, and abundant ‚ÄúI Love You‚Äôs‚ÄĚ. That‚Äôs the game. (excerpt Thought Catalog)

Its not you, its him.

And while I might say Im not dating until I can take a mobile lie detector… these f&*ks would pass.. because they believe what they are saying.

Love, Charlie x.

 

Depression…what is it? My personal experience.

I will tell you.

depression12

Depression is:

Being encompassed by a darkness that allows you to see no light, no matter how much beauty is in your life.

Depression is emotionless.

Depression is a feeling of hopelessness.

Depression is feeling alone. Disconnected in a world of connection.

Depression numbs your senses, robs you of joy, of happiness, of motivation and instead of being grateful for the life that you live (which does always have its beauty) you can barely understand the point of life, or comprehend the purpose of living.

Depression kicks you down even when you want to get up {and its a strong f&*ker, believe me I know}.

Depression is when you feel like youve lost hope, you contemplate why are you are doing all the things you are doing and getting nowhere, when you start to question the very essence of the being that you are.

Tears flow for no reason at all, and often (sometimes you can actually just make a small smile having a giggle at your self being all emotional for no reason, because its OK to cry).

Depression; it feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders and there is no one to help you.

depression9

Life is not all sunshine & rainbows (thanks Rocky).

Im one of the first to admit that I suffer depression and it freaking sucks.

‘Depression begins with disappointment. When disappointment festers in our soul, it leads to discouragements.’ Joyce Meyer

Sometimes there can be no trigger, sometimes there can be many.

For me, as I build my life around love, my brand about helping other people, when I am let down or disappointed by people I start to lose a little faith in humanity. One of my business beliefs is first help other people get what they want, and then you will get what you want (Zig Ziglar quote) & #sharelove;¬†give more love everyday. Yet, when I get hurt I often feel that I have no love left to give…this is the start of a depression cycle for me. Contemplating when & if ever I will receive love (when Im not depressed I know Im blessed), and have people in my life that truly care (not just in the social media world).

The thing with depression, is that you cannot control it.

But you can create self love tools to minimise the time spent in the darkness.

depression8

What I have found helps me, and Im no expert, simply sharing techniques that help me minimise my own stormy weather;

*Know that it will pass. The darkness will let you appreciate the light, and with every sunset there is always a sunrise.

*Be patient. Just do what needs to be done in your daily life, just get it done. Sometimes thats all you can do. You can be a world & game changer tomorrow when you feel better.

*Take some time out. Im not saying wallow in yourself, but if you feel like it’s all getting too much, have a half hr rest, maybe don’t go to the gym and go to bed early, get ten hrs sleep. Go and sit, and just be somewhere, still. We live in a world of ‘busy’, we work so hard until we actually fall apart or have a complete meltdown. Try get 8hrs sleep EVERY night.

If your laying in bed, wrapped up in terrible thoughts; go to sleep. AND GET OFF SOCIAL MEDIA.

*Fill your body with nutrients. Speaking from experience, Ive often used my down times to reach for junk food, binge eating until I feel 100% worse than what I already was feeling, using my emotions as an excuse. Learn this lesson. Instead, know that your body is needing some extra love, get a green smoothie, a rainbow salad, green juices.

‘If you dont think your anxiety, depression, sadness and stress impact your physical health, think again. All of these emotions trigger chemical reactions in your body, which can lead to inflammation and a weakened immune system. Learn how to cope, sweet friend. there will always be dark days.’ Kris Carr

*Minimise caffeine (note to self). Caffeine will only provoke the anxiety that your already feeling, instead try switch to chamomile tea or at least green tea (minimal caffeine).

*Write. Get it out of your mind. I know when I’m depressed, being the control freak that I am I try to figure out whats going on, what I need to do, over-analyse (everything, yes even texts and social media likes), and try to organise myself, free from the clutter that all seems a blur in my mind. This can do my own head in MORE. Writing helps get it out.

If it hurts to keep everything inside, get it out. What I have found with my depression is I generally extract myself further from anyone close to me, another few bricks go on my already well-built wall and I don’t feel comfortable letting someone close enough to speak to; fear of judgement, sure. Writing is my answer. Speaking to someone might be yours. THERE IS STRENGTH IN WEAKNESS.

‘The deepest fear we have, ‘the fear beneath all fears,’ is the fear of not measuring up, the fear of judgement. Its this fear that creates the stress and depression of everyday life.’ Tillian Tchividjian

I feel: write your own (disappointed)

What situation occurred to make me feel this way: write your own (I didn’t get what I wanted)

What I’m really feeling/thinking: write your own (my dream will never become reality, why am I even trying? Ill never be good enough)

Thought change: write your own (This is my life, my dream and I can make it happen. Where there is a will there is a way. I can process these emotions and then move forward, value the lesson learnt and look for new opportunities).

And with that let it go. If you can. Or just go to bed and rest. AND TRUST THAT YOU ARE BLESSED: THE UNIVERSE HAS YOUR BACK.

*Dont focus on the thoughts. When we are depressed we tend to think things that are not even true; I’m not lovable, I will never make it, Im hopeless, Im a failure, Ill never be good enough etc. These are not true statements at all, yet depression leads us to believe them, and with the thoughts follows emotions, sadness, loneliness…etc.

Just say ok. Im feeling (insert your word here) anger, hurt, frustrated. And then let it go. It will pass.

*STOP with the negative action. If your re reading someones messages, replaying someones words, actions, and it causes you to hurt. STOP. Just delete (yes the delete button is ok to use). If you are over eating that causes you to hurt/feel worse, STOP. If you turn to self-destructive alcohol or drugs, STOP. After all of these self sabotage practices we ALWAYS feel worse, so try give yourself a break (and yes, I am well aware as I write this Im speaking to myself).

*Earth. Have you heard about this? Earthing is when you walk barefoot with nature. Take some time to just BE.

‘Basically, the theory is that our bodies are meant to come into contact with the Earth (a ‚Äúgrounding‚ÄĚ force) on a regular basis. Positive electrons in the form of free radicals (ever heard of those guys?) can build up in our bodies and direct contact with the ground balances this out as it is a negative grounding charge.’

Our bodies and cells have electrical energy, and especially with the high¬†prevalence¬†of Electromagnetic waves, Wi-Fi and mobile phone waves, many of us have a high amount of positive electrons built up in our bodies.’ Excerpt Wellnessmama.com

Interested? Read this: Earthing: The Most Important Health Discovery Ever

depression14

*Breathe. As funny as it sounds, we all to often we forget to really breathe. Notice your breathing right now, in this moment, shallow, just filling the top of your chest, fast, small, rapid. Breathing is the best way to calm your central nervous system so just take a moment and practice a breathing technique I use often from Deepak Chopra. For the count of 1, 2, 3, 4 breathe in, retain your breathe at the top of your inhalation. Then for the count of 1, 2 , 3, 4 exhale and retain at the base. Repeat x10. Youll soon feel a sense of calm.

‚ÄúMaybe you have to know the darkness before you can appreciate the light.‚ÄĚ Madeleine L’Engle

depression15

My words to you, and to myself, is that when you are feeling this way, just know that its ok. Dont beat yourself up about not being 110% motivated, chasing after your dream or having the best day ever. Just do what needs to be done, be gentle, kind and loving with yourself. Rest. Push the PAUSE button. Retract from anyone that makes you feel bad…perhaps (and I am trying to do this) minimise your time spent on social media and just read, write, listen to music, be still.

Love & light, Charlie x.

Know that because you have a bad day does not make it a bad life.

Be happy… NOW (not when you…)

 

Take a moment to stop and think..are you happy? Yes, no? Or are you a ‘when I’, or ‘when this happens’ Ill be happy?

Sorry to rock your world beautiful one but if you arent happy today with what you have right now in this exact moment…you wont be happy when you get those abs, that white range (yup thats on my own goal board), the hot hubby (yup, hes on there to) or whatever your ‘it’ might be.

Because your goals will always change and life will always happen. Things dont go to plan, and no matter how organised or proactive you might be…life will change. That guy that you adore, might not reciprocate¬†your feelings. That promotion might be given to someone else. Etc, etc. What is meant for you will be.

You have to trust this, whilst working for all that you dream of, but being here today, present and grateful.

success9

 

Happiness…what is it even?

Material things; that promotion, that house, $$$, do not guarantee happiness.

Yet we claim these as symbols of success, and success to be happiness.

‘Everyone chases after happiness, not noticing that happiness is at their heels’ Bertolt Brecht

We use our ‘busyness’ as a sign of success; the busier we are the more important/successful we think we are.

Success, derived from the¬†Latin¬†succedere, means ‘to go on well’. Surely this would imply that success is a journey?

We {myself included} wake up with thoughts of ‘just do it’, ‘you can have it all’, ‘make it happen’, now Im not saying these are not good thoughts, but what is your ‘it’? What is ‘it’ that you are striving for.

Is it material? Or is it to inspire? Is it to love more? Emotional/spiritual goals? Are you looking for something/someone to complete you? Because the truth is, everything that you are looking for is right inside of you. And your happiness can be found in this moment.

Happiness is not an ‘it’ and the more you chase ‘it’ the more difficult it will become to achieve.

‘If your definition of success has little or no measure of love in it, get another definition’.

success7

Tell me, if you were to go to sleep every night content and happy…is this success?

We often read bibliographies of great men, who upon their last words wished they had made more time for the things that mattered; their family, their wife…their loved ones. See, they’ve realised, just a little to late, ¬†that love is what it is all about. At the end of the day.

Everyday.

It all comes down to love.

‘The intelligent man quickly realize the importance of gold’ Hafiz

What is really important to you?

If love is important, how can you have more love in your life today?

If happiness is important, how can you be happier today?

If health is important, how can you be healthier today?

Live a life you Love Ebook pic3

Be present now. Whilst yes, I am a dreamer and I have BIG plans, when I find myself daydreaming {this includes interior designing & launch party invite creations of my 5 year goal/The Clean Treats Factory} I have to make a conscious effort to return to the moment, to today. Because if I don’t, If I¬†spend my time to far in the clouds, to far in the ‘when I’ thoughts, the things that actually need to be done to make this dream come true, wont be.

Do you do what you love everyday?

Do you smile with someone everyday?

Do you exercise, eat healthy, treat your body with respect everyday? (If your anything like me I know for a fact that eating well can be felt as happiness within my body).

These are moments of success.

‘Dont aim for success if you want it; just do what you love and believe in, and it will come naturally.’ David Frost.

success1

{I am so blessed to receive such kind words like the above, truly makes my heart smile, and keeps me going when those not so great things happen, as they do in business, love, life.}

It is a proven fact that happier people are more productive. So saying something like ‘I am happy with my work’ will generate a positive outcome. Saying something like’ I hate work’ wont.

If today you can just be a little better than yesterday, your already on your way to creating your own dream reality.

‘Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm. Winston Churchill.

Even the above quote states that success is to keep going. If you ask me about business, happiness or love {not that I know a whole lot, I make mistakes everyday, but I am trying}, my words to you, to anyone would be to find what makes you happy, believe in yourself and never quit, and just blimmin enjoy it. Laugh, cry, scream, go to bed and then get the f&8k back up and get shit done.

Love & light, Charlie x.

Love right now. No matter where you are in your life, or what is happening, you are exactly where you should be & everything will always be ok.

success10

Gluten Free Apple Crumble #yum

Im so excited to share this delicious recipe with you today!

Created by Angie Cowen from Love life and Gluten free….

Gluten Free Apple Crumble:

 

Angie-Gluten-Free-090-1-1024x675

As well as being a tasty and warming dessert, I love having any leftover crumble for breakfast through winter. It’s warm both in temperature and with its gentle use of ginger, cinnamon and nutmeg.

Gluten free, grain free, vegan
(Serves 8) 

Ingredients

Apple Filling
  • 7 large red apples, peeled (approx 1kg)
  • 6 Medjool dates, large soft variety ‚Äď pitted
  • 1 tbsp finely grated ginger
  • 1 tsp cinnamon (ground)
  • Zest of 1 medium lemon
  • Pinch of Himalayan crystal or Celtic sea salt
  • 2 cups fresh or frozen blueberries
  • 2 tbsp tapioca or true arrowroot to thicken
Crumble
  • 3 tbsp tapioca or true arrowroot
  • 1 tsp cinnamon
  • 1 tsp nutmeg
  • 2 tbsp coconut sugar or maple syrup (real)
  • 3/4 cup roughly ground almonds
  • 3/4 cup desiccated coconut
  • 1/4 cup extra virgin coconut oil (melted)
  • 2 tsp natural vanilla essence

Method

  1. Peel and core apples, then cut into rough 1-2cm cubes. Place apples in medium/large saucepan with about 1/2 cup water and gently simmer, covered on a low heat. Rotate apples bottom to top every so often until apples are just tender but not mushy (usually 10-15 minutes once water is steaming). Add berries and mix evenly. Once berries are warmed through, add tapioca and stir well (you will see the liquid thicken). Cook for a further minute, stirring often, then remove from heat. At this stage, preheat your oven to 180¬įC.
  2. Finely chop dates and combine them with lemon zest, ginger and cinnamon and mix well. Toss through the apples and set aside.
  3. Combine coconut sugar, tapioca, almonds, desiccated coconut, cinnamon and nutmeg in a medium bowl and mix well.
  4. Melt coconut oil and add to dry ingredients along with the vanilla essence. Combine so that the oil is evenly distributed amongst the mix.
  5. Place apple mix evenly in medium pie dish. Spread crumble mix over top of apple and bake for 15-20 minutes, or until crumble topping is lightly browned.
  6. Serve

 

Happiest girls, are the prettiest girls.

The famous quote by Audrey Hepburn.

And it is so true.

Have you ever met someone and truly felt their beauty? Felt a sense of ”wow” or a pure sense of happiness in their presence? You know those people that make your heart smile, you just know theyve got ‘it’ together.

Regardless of outward attractiveness, you felt a sense of warmth, radiance in their presence? What is it about these people (girls & guys)¬†that exudes confidence and breeds positivity that it makes you want to be around them? You may know someone like this,¬†people who just leave you feeling ‘happy’.

pif3

The answer, I believe, is, self-love and self-trust. These people have a resounding knowledge within them that no matter what happens, what events might occur in the near future, that they will always be ok, that their life will always go on. Knowing these things gives them confidence. A self-assurance that is portrayed to everyone they meet, the manner they act and the way that they speak. They gold within them a sense of appreciation, not only of themselves, but for you, the time it takes to meet and the very presence of now.

pif4
There is an inner kindness about these girls (and guys) that shines from within them, and it occurs naturally. They just want to be nice. To be kind. To give.

If you want to cultivate love, kindness, giving in your life, first you need to have it to be able to give it away. Many of the most successful writers, philosophers and leaders say if you want more of something, first you have to give it away.

There are some common attributes these pretty people have…why not take some time and develop your own inner beauty?

Spend time loving yourself, develop the¬†‘pretty’¬†qualities:

Integrity:¬†Always do what you say you will. If you were only as good as your word, how good would you be??? There is nothing that frustrates and aggravates people more than failing to follow through¬†a spoken word, your promise. If you don’t mean it, don’t say it. But do say what you mean and mean what you do. Be who you are, and stop pretending to be someone else.

Kindness: There is always time to be kind. The little things matter. Smile, be polite, be patient. Treat people how you want to be treated. Its the small things that matter, Mother Theresa said not all of us can do great things, but we can do small thigns with great love. Hold open a door for someone, say please and thank you. As a society we are losing touch with our morals, our moral compasses seem to be getting a little interfered with with todays technology.

‘My religion is simple, my religion is kindness’ Buddha

boss3

Gratitude:¬†Always appreciate what you are lucky enough to have in your life for you never know when it will be too late. Miss someone; contact them, love someone; tell them, appreciate someone; say thank you. Don’t let your pride hold you back. Words are easy to say, and appreciated when they are not only expressed but felt. Accept that sometimes you are wrong, that you make mistakes. Apologise, let go and move on.

172

Patience: Practice patience with people.

The capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.

Something we all need to work on. Let go of judgement. Practice compassion and understanding with people.

Respect:¬†Develop compassion for everyone you meet. Genuine respect and compassion does not include looking down on others, it means understanding that we¬†are all searching for happiness and ¬†have the right to be happy by overcoming life’s obstacles. Treat everyone you meet in a respectful manner, and be slow to judge. After all, who are you to give someone judgment?

Belief:¬†Always make time to be true to yourself, to your passion, your life’s journey. When you find what is right for you, you will know. You will feel it. Have faith and trust that what is meant to be will be. You are exactly where you should be, doing what you should.

‘Nothing is impossible, the word itself says IMpossible’¬†Audrey Hepburn

Practice the pretty qualities daily and soon you will be shining from within.

10645261_10152850917408619_1890460981607152158_n

To leave you with my absolute favourite quote:

‘For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others. for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness. and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone’¬†Audrey Hepburn

Do something different today.

Love & Light, Charlie x.

 

Keeping up with the ‘movers’; the new age Joneses.

Take a look around you and check out the world you live in.You know the saying ‘you are a product of your environment’…or as good as the 5 people you surround yourself with.

‘To all the other dreamers out there, dont ever stop or let the worlds negativity disenchant you or your spirit. If you surround yourself with love and the right people, anything is possible.’ Adam Green.

success7

 

What I find interesting is that Im my world I’ve somehow created a world of #boss people, entrepreneurs, dreamers…owners of their own passion and businesses.

 

‘The best thing to do when you find yourself in a hurting or vulnerable place is to surround yourself with the strongest, fnest, most positive people you know.’ Kristin Armstrong

Wow…when I think of this, yes I am very lucky. And I feel it, to have people who are in my world that a coffee meeting is a bounce meeting…sharing knowledge contacts and creating what I call collab Magic, that I can call and say ‘hey..I need your help, or what do you think about this?’ And honestly most of these people are much more accomplished and successful than me, further along in their secure businesses or more talented in their chosen fields. ¬†

babes1
Now, I’m not sure if it’s the rat race called Sydney that I live in or if it’s just me but there also seems to be a downside to this…the new age ‘keeping up with the joneses’. From what I believe the ‘Joneses’ was all about the material things that created status like the Range Rover, the designer handbag, the house on the water. It probably still is. But I’m taking about a term ‘keeping up with the movers’…because my gosh they do move. These people are the dreamers, the believers, the movers and the shakers…even though I consider myself to be part of this world Id definitely say they shake me up!

We’re creating a culture that is based in a social media world that IS NOT REALITY, it is a perception of a life that person wants you to see to create a relevant thought about who you think they are.¬†(No Im not having a go or saying anything negatively). Were taught to speak positively so in the world of social media were all happy every day, living a life we love and creating HUGE success.

Because of the way we share our lives on social media it seems to me that everybody is out their building huge empires (and I must admit I use this term also…you know… think what you want into your reality).¬†What nobody shares is the struggle – and let me tell you the struggle is real.
Every single day you have to wake up and actively create your thoughts changing anything that’s negative to positive. Everyday you have to see mistakes or f*+k ups as opportunities. For me, I have no business partners or romantic partner (probably quite lucky at this stage because he wouldn’t know what Charlie he was coming home to him every night) to lean on or to rely on, or that just have my back. But it does seems iinvestors are the new age dream house, in the same sense of security. Again, I’m not saying I’m against them I’ll definitely be looking for some soon, or maybe…still undecided #controlfreak wink emoji.¬†

‘Whatever you do in life, surround yourself with smart people who’ll argue with you.’ John Wooden.¬†

real2
Anyway…keeping up with greatness…it can take its toll on you. You might recall that I suffer depression and currently have adrenal fatigue so I’m just tired ALLLLLL the time (honestly really irritating me more than anything). As much as I want to go out there and change the world sometimes it can just be ‘to hard’ and a coffee or 2 is my passion substitute.

‘Surround yourself with the right people, and realize your own worth. Honestly, there are enough and people out there in the world – you dont need to be your own worst enemy’ Lucy Hale

 

 

League3
What I am learning to focus on is being grateful. Grateful that I am lucky enough to have such amazing inspirational leaders in my real world or even the ones on social media. Because yes even when it seems everybody is moving¬†faster than a shooting star to their dreams and it feels like I’m here…revolving around mine like the sun around the earth…everyday they inspire me.
It’s when I act from my ego or a place of fear or my own instilled belief that ‘I’ll never be good enough ‘that I feel all the things that bring me down, make me destructive and definitely not productive.¬†
I’m also working on limiting my social media because as you probably now, 1 quick check can become an hr and next minute you’ve found ten other businesses in your area that are doing what you do, and their out there passionately chasing their dreams.¬†

‘You have to surround yourself with people who love you and want the best for you.’ Mena Suvari

 

Stop being afraid to do what you think you can’t do. And just do it. You are good enough. You can do it. You are worthy.

(note to self and to you!).
Love, Charlie x.

 

Jones1

The ‘what I want in a man’ list…

So one of the things I spend quite some time discussing aside from my dreams, my business and work is… Love and my lack there of.

 

172‚Äú…sometimes I get tired. Sometimes I get bored. And sometimes all I want, more than anything else in the world, is to go on a freaking date.‚ÄĚ Kiersten White

I saw a funny quote on Insta ‘Im at that stage where half my friends are getting engaged or having babies and the other half are to drunk to find their phones’ this is me. But I would perhaps change the other from to drunk to find their phones to¬†‘to focused on their dreams to be seen’.

It’s been said to me many times during this little life of mine that I should create the list.
You know the one Im talking about…the list that lists all the things you want in your perfect man.
And surprisingly a few of the happily married couples I now have done this and highly recommend it. Because apparently how do you know what you want if you dont?

171

‚ÄúNever rearrange your life in order to meet Mr. Darcy half way. If he couldn‚Äôt see your worth at the moment you met then he won‚Äôt two years later’ Shannon Alder

I don’t have a list. Does this mean I’m confused about what I want? Or does it mean that I realise that the odds of finding my Mr perfect are getting smaller and smaller and Im hoping that love will find the way (without my particularly picky list of requirements I’ve decided I not only want but need in the chosen man)? Is it the fact that I dont have ‘the list’ that I seem to have attract a whole lot of Mr Maybes? Mr Im not sure, Mr facebook booty call message, Mr commitmentphobe.

As I’ve been unsuccessful in love, I would even say failing miserably… I’ve decided to create my list.

Not even sure where to start but I guess one of the first has got to be D R I V E N. Do you know how hard it is to find someone you can have those soul on fire conversations with?! I mean is it too much to ask for someone to understand when you are on deadline or at this stage in the game of my business that there isn’t a lot of structure and Im the be all and end all (not as of next week!! #newstaff #yayyyyyyyy).

‘I love a man with a great sense of humour and who is intelligent – a man who has a great smile. He has to make me laugh. I like a man who is very ambitious and driven and who has a good heart and makes me feel safe. I like a man who is very strong and independent and confident – that is very sexy – but at the same time, hes very kind to people.’ Nicole Scherzinger

 

^^^ This about sums up my list ūüôā

player2

Secondly…someone kind, compassionate. Someone who listens when you talk, who turns their phone off while your on a date (this is one of my personally biggest reason to black X someone), someone who exercises manners.
Being polite and well mannered has become so rare it’s mistaken for flirting (thanks insta quote).

Someone real.
I am so over guys/men saying they want one thing, then go and date the opposite. Why??? Are we settling? Is there anyone left looking for that all-consuming love??? Or are we all just to crazed about being with someone, anyone is better than no one?

‘To be rejected by someone doesn’t mean you should also reject yourself or that you should think of yourself as a lesser person. It doesn’t mean that nobody will ever love you anymore. Remember that only ONE person has rejected you at the moment’ Jocelyn Soriano

fwb4

No games. I refuse to play them & you can f^*k off you expect to play them with me, honestly. If you like someone, say so. If you want to go on a date, say so. I’m over the ‘I should wait a few hrs before messaging so he doesn’t think I’m to keen’ the ‘Im busy’, the ‘kinda seeing someone’.
It’s all just a joke to me. And yes I understand most of us have our battle scars and have built ourselves unbreakable shields to protect us, but how will you ever get what you want without building a bridge or mending what was once broken?

‚ÄúSometimes it takes a heartbreak to shake us awake & help us see we are worth so much more than we’re settling for.‚ÄĚ ¬†Mandy Hale

Obviously fitness is a must and any kind of yoga training is definitely a plus. I believe yoga has changed me and I know that most yogis experience this. 

fwb3

Someone who does what they say they will. THIS IS NOT TOO HARD. Call when you say you will. Make plans and keep them. 

‘If hes not calling you, its because your not on his mind.’ Greg Brehendt

A…P A S S I O N A T E | ROMANTIC.
Perhaps this is a lot to ask…wink emoticon.

Someone who believes in magic.

I believe. Do you?

And the rest I’ll add to the list and keep it personal.
I am a big believer that anything we want we can have, with our thoughts. So I’ll write my list (apparently it has to be quite specific down to what he does…does #boss cut it? I love the #boss & #boss = empire ideal. Some websites even recommend 100 attributes) and continue to believe that one day the right man for me will come into my life at the right time.

‚ÄúI don’t understand dating.. and the other things that people do.. all I know is that you ought to find the one you recognize. The one who gives you four arms, four legs, four eyes, and has the other half of your heart. There’s only one of those, so what are all the other things for? Like dating?‚ÄĚ ¬†C. Joybell C

Love, Charlie x.

I’m curious do you have ‘the list’ ¬†and has it worked for you?

Self Love Sunday; Invest in yourself

Business is a funny thing, each day you can experience those on top of the world feelings, then the every next moment feel like your struggling to doggy¬†paddle your way to shore, …or some form of safety, sometimes just trying to breathe¬†(not that there is ever safety in business).

Change is good. It’s also often hard. But to succeed in business, you must run toward it.

Comfort5

 

For this reason, and as I am making the big leaps to make my business something  real, I decided to invest in a Business Coach. An investment that I felt was priceless.

While I know a bit about business from 10 years as a BDM¬†{Business Development Manager} for leading companies in their respective fields, and managing…its a different world when you’re in your own business. Im currently re-reading the E myth…making the change from a toddler to adolescent business¬†can be scary (and it is!). The most difficult issue being that while once you were everything in your business;¬†the technician, the manager, the entrepreneur, the accountant, the dreamer, the marketing pro, the delivery man, the social media guru and every single thing in between, making the jump to potentially being a BIG business means your taking a leap of faith…not knowing what will happen but only knowing & trusting where you are going.

These are the things I am currently changing in my business world that will ultimately (I believe) progress me towards my BIG dream reality, my vision of making a healthy change in the world.

‘Move out of your comfort zone. You can only grow if you are willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new.’ Brian Tracey

 

*Staff….because I can’t keep doing everything, everyday. Now if you don’t know, this itself is a huge investment of time, the interviewing process…I wish I could have some type of lie detector test (I¬†guess this is really only a test of my intuition), people know how to interview today, and your basically opening your heart and soul that you’ve made a business to other people. It’s imeperative they have the passion and drive that you do. For me, one of the Clean Treats values is INTEGRITY. Ad let’s be 200% honest, no one will ever love your business like you do…so honestly…. I am scared.

comfort4

‘A dream is your creative vision for your life in the future. You must break out of your comfort zone and become comfortable with the unfamiliar and the unknown.’ Denis Waitley

 

In taking team members on board this also means; contracts, systems, policies and procedure manuals (that I dont have)…structure (that I also dont have a lot of).

NEW PACKAGING…as I write this on a Sunday, I underestimated how much work this would be. The risk…the pressure to get it right (I am also a perfectionist), and really just the need to have it now. Working with designers (this hasnt been my best experience) and printers, trying to make the decisions that will either mean success or failure (even though you can never fail if you dont quit), I should probably say the difference between right and wrong. And theres so many aspects to this. The legalities, the testing of the product, food regulations, display, appeal, marketing…..

Comfort1

As you move outside of your comfort zone, what was once the unknown and frightening becomes your new normal.’ Robin S. Sharma

 

New Websites for both The Clean Treats Factory & my personal brand.

Ebook & Healthcoaching (I need to focus on this as helping people is my passion).

Secret projects… I cant write too much here, but these are completely new opportunities created with a thought… #collabmagic.

*Inhouse Accountant…its time for me not to waste anytime doing what I can average do and have a pro do what they professionally can.

So with all of the above, and some things being a lot more difficult than I imagined, it was only natural that I had a few tears when meeting with my Business Coach this week… her perfect words to me (and said excitedly) … your out of your comfort zone, this is where the magic happens.

‘Im continually trying to make choices that put me against my comfort zone. As long as your uncomfortable, it means your growing.’ Ashton Kutcher

 

 

Comfort3

Im SO uncomfortable right now. Her (I’m using Alison Morgan from The Relauncher¬†) words were a perfect realisation for me. Spoken at the right time, in a little moment of self doubt & pressure. This is exactly the reason I chose to work with her.

A business coach is someone that might have more experience in an industry than you, it might be someone who has more experience with wealth creation, or it could be someone who inspires you… for me, Alison was this.

She gives me homework, so I can’t be ‘to busy’ not to do some of the things I need to do, she lets me know that everything is going to be ok when I feel overwhelmed and out of control, she helps me get all the crazy thoughts that consume out onto paper and helps me make a plan. So instead of doing everything I can until I burn out, we make a strategic plan and timeline so I know whats happening and when and can pause for a moment to catch my breath. I just feel like she has my back.

Comfort2

You see getting a business coach, isnt admitting your bad at business, but it’s reaching out for help and making an investment in your self and your business because you might be too far in to look perspectively¬†at all the wonder you’re creating (perhaps even the mess you are making). Just like you get a personal trainer for your body, a business coach is an investment you are making in your business, in your desire to be more, to grow and develop, and personally I dont have the business skills I know I will require to take my business where I want it to be. So in the terms of Henry Ford (he was a great man who knew nothing about his industry), build a team around you of people who are experts at what they do, so you can be an expert in what you do (me…Im the dreamer, the lover, the idealist)

‘Adaptability is about the powerful difference between adapting to cope and adapting to win.’¬†Max McKeown

Another thing…its kind of like a health coach, your basically paying for someone to hold your hand, and when you don’t have a world of business minded people/family/husband/lover, or financial support behind you…that alone is more than priceless.

Love & light, Charlie x.

{look her up, Alison also does skype coaching and I highly recommend her)

Do you jump, or are you dateless?

You know, I use this blog as a way to express myself, to show the world, or anyone who might be interested ūüėČ my reality, and also as my own way to release my {#crazy} thoughts. And it just so happens, theres people that apparently read them {thank you}.

One of the things my stats show you particularly like, is my ongoing quest to meet my Mr Right & the navigation of this thing that’s called the dating game that seems to be more strategic than a game of chess, with more than 2 players and ridiculously indecipherable.

dating24Something that Ive been thinking alot about, is how some people are¬†permanently ‘in’ relationships’ (with different people) you know the ones, fb status change to in and out of relationships faster than the styles in season change.

I call these people jumpers (I used to date one, he couldnt be alone for a moment so would ‘jump’ from person to person).

Then there’s the people, like myself and others I know…that cant even seem to find a date, I call these the dateless (Oh my, labelling myself lol).

What is the difference??? And as always I dont believe any way is right or wrong, Im just intrigued. AndI know both men & women who are in both of these categories.

The jumpers…how can they fall in love so quickly, when their heart has apparently just been obliterated into pieces? Does this happen before the end of a relationship? Is it the facebook messages, the secret Instagram emojis that signal the start of something?

‚ÄúWe’re not dating,” Alec said again.
“Oh?” Magnus said. “So you’re just that friendly with everybody, is that it?‚ÄĚ City of Ashes

Are the ‘jumpers’ so used to being ¬†in a relationship they must have someone there…is it always love or is it merely comfort? Or is it that they are less selfless than the dateless (lol, just makes me laugh because its sadly true Im in this category!), that being in a relationship with them is easier for their new love? Do they have ‘relationship’ written on them? (this I definitely dont agree to).

dating22

‚ÄúHope for love, pray for love, wish for love, dream for love‚Ķbut don‚Äôt put your life on hold waiting for love.‚ÄĚ Mandy Hale
As for the dateless…these are people who I know, and you know them to, that are genuinely great people, yet cant even find the beginning of a spark. Now, the majority of these people I know, both men and woman are independent and they generally have their own business. Is it a case then that our businesses have consumed us? Do our babies (because lets be real, a business is your baby) use our passion, our love, our energy? Or do they make us seem self centered when we cancel plans because we have to work…. selfish because we would rather invest our time¬†working than try a first date as from previous experience the work has a guaranteed success rate compared to the dates? (My experiences)

What is the missing key?

Are some people settling just to be with someone? Is that the jumpers key to success? (although I¬†wouldn’t say success with most of these people in and out of fast short lived relationships). Is it that we are taught not to settle for less than we deserve??? So as we gain strength and business success we naturally lift our expectations? And yes, expectations are the first key to disappointment. But is it to much to ask for that all consuming love. That magic. You hear about it… (it seems elusive), that ‘knowing’.

‚ÄúTo say that one waits a lifetime for his soulmate to come around is a paradox. People eventually get sick of waiting, take a chance on someone, and by the art of commitment become soulmates, which takes a lifetime to perfect.‚ÄĚ Criss Jami

Or is it, that like me, were old school romantics, preferring to be asked on a date, rather than a Facebook message saying your hot, or even worse…lets watch a ‘movie’ (Im sure everyone knows by know what ‘movie’ means). Is it too much to ask for effort? To not play games and just to be honest?

Im just so confused. And I dont want to play the dating game…but not playing is also getting me nowhere (LOL) how is a girl/or guy to win?

dating21

‚ÄúHere’s something else to think about: calling when you say you’re going to is the very first brick in the house you are building of love and trust. If he can’t lay this one stupid brick down, you ain’t never gonna have a house baby, and it’s cold outside.‚Ä̬†
Are the jumpers so accustomed to be with somebody, anybody is better than nobody? And the dateless…are they so set in their ways now, that it seems nearly impossible to make time & space for new love?

The answer…as always who knows, I definitely dont.

But what I do know, is that I will refuse to settle.

Love & light, Charlie x.

(The below is me, here waiting for a miracle ūüėČ

 

dating25

‚ÄúLet‚Äôs start with this statistic: You are delicious. Be brave, my sweet. I know you can get lonely. I know you can crave companionship and sex and love so badly that it physically hurts. But I truly believe that the only way you can find out that there‚Äôs something better out there is to first believe there‚Äôs something better out there. What other choice is there?‚Ä̬†Greg Behrendt

Blessed {thank you}

Its taken me a few days to get time to sit down and write this.

Firstly, a HUGE thank you to everyone who helped me with my crowdfunding campaign… it was a SUCCESS! ¬†& I cannot even begin to describe how grateful I am to you. Words cannot portray the love & gratitude I feel in my heart.

dreamer4

 

‘Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.’ Harriet Tubman¬†

The truth is, it was a big risk {and scary as hell}, to put myself and my brand out there and just say ‘hey, I need your help’.

As mush as we say its ok to ask for help, how often do we? Yet instead most of us chose to act strong & like everything is perfect with our rose tinted glasses on.

I can honestly say, something had to change for me. This made my decision about the launching the campaign. I couldnt keep doing the little things I was doing, working harder not smarter and making slow progress (yes, progress is still progress). But I knew I was close to burn out.

‘Oh, I was never a businessman. I was a visionary, a dreamer.’ Jim Bakker

With my business, its never had a $ of investment, instead it was created from a need to pay my own living costs and grow itself. & truth be told I love this about my story. I dont even have a credit card so I can instead chose to grow organically. Now, this is great & all, but it can also mean that growth may be slower, or in my case I was struggling to keep up with the growth & needs of my clients (more so on a time limit).

‘I think of myself not just as a dreamer, but as a dream chaser’. Sarah Brightman

So because of you, & my leap of faith, today Im sending of the brand new packaging to China for my first sample…

I AM IN LOVE…

 

New packaging front

 

What do you think? {The Muscle Ball range is Mint Green & the display box is Kraft cardboard}

You see, what you have done, by showing me love, pre ordering & sharing my campaign, is restore my faith (that was getting a little tired from hrs of exhausting myself & Adrenal Fatigue) that I am exactly where I need to be, doing exactly what I should be doing (my recent Angel reading also said this). Youve shown me that there is a need for a product like mine (1 year of business also shows this), and that together, we, the people can make a change. This is EXCITING.

You know just the other day I read an article that McDonalds is losing money… This is success. WE can create a change by learning to love ourselves and ¬†make healthy changes. By learning to listen to our bodies. Instead of focusing¬†on the things you dont like, focus on the things you do and all the good you are blessed with.

dreamer2

Because of the campaign success, I also decided its time to STEP up my game, and my own health so I can be the very best I can be. No more excuses. No more mistreatment of my body (too much sugar, not enough self love). Its time to honour the beautiful body I was created with & give it everything it needs to give me what I need. You eat well, you feel well…such a good circle.

For me, & for my business, but for you. Anyone that takes the time to read my blogs and share my journey with me.

Because I have BIG dreams & I believe in them with every essence of my being. YOU have given me a new opportunity to shine (I CANNOT WAIT TO RELEASE THE NEW PRODUCT).

dreamer3

And Im doing the work. So many people say they want to do their own thing, but their not prepared to do the work. Not prepared to get up an hr earlier, go to bed an hr later, say no to social engagements & commit themselves fully to their dream.

I am. The next 3 months I have given myself to do everything I can to bring a better & improved product & company to you. Regardless of the weekends missed, I know what Im running towards, the dreams that are becoming my reality. Im prepared to go without do my business can go with.

Can you see yours? Do you know where your going? What are you running towards???

Its so easy to get confused & off track, I mean theres so much competition out there & entrepreneurship isnt easy. But if you believe, even 2 steps forward, 1 step back…sideways or upside down…it doesnt matter. Your headed in the right direction. Trust, faith & believe in yourself always.

‘There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.’ Colin Powell

My current frame of mind is taking from one of the greatest businessmen in history; Henry Ford, who knew nothing about the Steel industry but built a team around him of people who were experts with what they knew so he could do what he did best. And its a pretty special place to be, to be able to have a business coach (who makes me do homework & get out of my own mind), a graphic designer to bring a professional product to you, a lawyer to get everything that needs to be done, done, an accountant to look after all my figures, an intern to do the little things and today interviewing staff for the kitchen, so I can do what I love doing & do best… including writing, coaching & being the dreamer I am.

‘Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe.’ Gail Devers

I am blessed & grateful. Thank you.

Love & light, Charlie x.

Because together, we can make a change in the world.

dreamer1