17 Things To Expect When You Date A Girl Who’s Used To Being On Her Own

I read this and had to have a giggle to myself. Lately there’s been a lot of talk about what makes a man a man and what makes a woman, a woman. At least in my world & from what I see on Social Media, perhaps because Im trying to date and am personally wondering how many frogs will I have to kiss until I get my prince?

How do you know if you’re dating either? Theres something really strange happening and I just don’t quite get it, but men, or boys, I’m not sure; both are choosing to be with ‘girls’ as such described in my previous post ‘A girl or a woman?’ {please note I am not saying either is wrong or right} & the strong, independent, dream chasing women are left wondering ‘when will I ever met him’ {read, someone who challenges me, inspires me, laughs with me, understands me..#lovesme 😉 } Yes, me. This question interrupts my world changing thoughts on a daily, really hourly basis.

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So I had to share, with some added quotes & images #charliestyle.

“A girl wants attention, a woman wants respect. A girl wants to be adored by many. A woman wants to be adored by one.” -anonymous

17 Things To Expect When You Date A Girl Who’s Used To Being On Her Own

Kovie Biakolo, thoughtcatalog.com

1. Expect her to do her own thing often and without letting you know, at least at first. It’s not that you don’t matter; it’s just that she’s learned to love doing what she wants, when she wants, and without asking permission or informing anyone.

‘It takes people a long time to learn the difference between talent and genius, especially ambitious young men and women.’ Louisa May Alcott

2. She’ll probably want to take things slowly because she’ll not be used to all the attention. Don’t think she doesn’t like you enough, she probably likes you a lot; it’s just all new to her.

3. Expect her friends to be overprotective of her and to be suspicious of you at first. They’re not used to her being with someone and they’ll want to make sure you’re the kind of guy who will treat her well.

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4. She’ll have a hard time letting you do things for her. Try not to take this personally. She’s just used to taking care of herself and it’ll be hard for her to live in a world where she’s got someone else looking out for her in that way.

5. Expect her to be stubborn, to always want things her way, and to fight you when she doesn’t get it. Don’t always give in to her, but do let her win sometimes.

‘Real magic in relationships means an absence of judgment of others.’ Wayne Dyer

6. She needs to be left alone often especially when you first start seeing each other and it should feel like she’s head over heels. Believe that she has more butterflies in her stomach than she knows what to do with, which is why she’ll need to compose herself.

7. Expect her to pull away from you, especially when she realizes how much she likes you. She’ll come back to you but she’ll need time to think her feelings through.

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8. She’ll question you, sometimes directly, sometimes implicitly, about your feelings for her. She’ll always want to know if they are real or if she’s making things up in her head.

9. Expect her to be headstrong. She’ll tell you, “I’ve got this,” more than you’ll want to hear. But she’ll get used to your offers to help. And in time she’ll know how to let go of the tight grip she seems to have on everything.

10. She’ll be guarded, and she won’t be keen on letting you in. She’s waiting to see if you’re patient, she’s waiting to see if you’re worth it. She’s hoping that you’re worth it.

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11. Expect her to be stingy with trust, to only give a little bit at a time. But every time she gives you a little, it’ll feel like a big step for her. Cherish these big steps.

12. She’ll come across as strong, maybe too strong for you at first. But don’t be intimidated, this is her outer shell. And when you get to know her, you’ll know she’s strong but soft; tough but kind.

13. Expect her to be reserved, at least about the things that matter. Until you really get to know her. And then you’ll see the untamed, raw, and always beautiful open version of her that she’ll let you fully discover.

14. She’ll be slow with her vulnerabilities, and hide many of her weaknesses. And when she shows you them, she’ll feel naked. Clothe her with your words.

15. Expect her not to need you, and not to believe in needing much of anything at all. But she’ll want you. And when she does, it’ll be the most exhilarating feeling you’ve ever experienced.

“After spending time with a girl, you feel exhausted because she takes more than she gives. After spending time with a woman, you feel invigorated, because she empowers you with possibility, and a passion for life.”  N. Mah

16. She’ll be scared – scared to be hurt, scared to love, and be loved. Scared that you’ll eventually hurt her or leave her and if and when that happens, she won’t know who she was before.

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17. Being alone is her default, it’s her comfort zone. But expect her to fall in love with you faster than she’ll admit and in a way that isn’t loud but still powerful; it’ll be like a little bit of heaven. And it won’t matter if you love her for a while or for a lifetime; her love will change both you and her forever.

Love & light Charlie x.

& if you know someone like the below… 😉

‘I love a man with a great sense of humor and who is intelligent – a man who has a great smile. He has to make me laugh. I like a man who is ambitious and driven and who has a good heart and makes me feel safe. I like a man who is very strong and independent and confident – that is very sexy – but at the same time, he’s kind to people.’ Nicole Scherzinger

{Shared post} F*#k yes or F*#k no.

Original post by Mark Manson , so true I had to share with you, because I know weve all experienced that grey area, spending more time wondering what if, then actually dating.

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Think about this for a moment: Why would you ever choose to be with someone who is not excited to be with you?

There’s a grey area in dating many people get hung up on — a grey area where feelings are ambiguous or one person has stronger feelings than the other. This grey area causes real, tangible issues. As a man, a huge question is often whether to be persistent and continue pursuing a woman even when she seems lukewarm or hot/cold on your advances. For women, a common question is what to do with men who make their feelings ambiguous.

“She said she’s not interested, but she still flirts with me, so what do I need to do to get her?”
“Well, I know she likes me, but she didn’t call me back last weekend, what should I do?”
“He treats me well when he’s around, but he’s hardly around. What does that mean?”

Most dating advice exists to “solve” this grey area for people. Say this line. Text her this. Call him this many times. Wear that.

Much of it gets exceedingly analytical, to the point where some men and women actually spend more time analyzing behaviors than actually, you know, behaving.

Frustration with this grey area also drives many people to unnecessary manipulation, drama and game-playing. This is where you get rules about making men pay for this many dates before you can become intimate. Or how men need to transition from attraction phase to comfort phase by qualifying three times before they’re allowed to commence an escalation ladder.

These things may seem clever and exciting to some people who are stuck or frustrated. But this dating advice misses the point. If you’re in the grey area to begin with, you’ve already lost.

Let me ask again: Why would you ever be excited to be with someone who is not excited to be with you? If they’re not happy with you now, what makes you think they’ll be happy to be with you later? Why do you make an effort to convince someone to date you when they make no effort to convince you?

What does that say about you? That you believe you need to convince people to be with you?

You wouldn’t buy a dog that bites you all the time. And you wouldn’t be friends with someone who regularly ditches you. You wouldn’t work a job that doesn’t pay you. Then why the hell are you trying to make a girlfriend out of a woman who doesn’t want to date you? Where’s your self-respect?

The entrepreneur Derek Sivers once wrote a blog post where he said that “If I’m not saying ‘Hell Yeah!’ to something, then I say no.” It served him well in the business world and now I’d like to apply it to the dating world. And because I’m more of a vulgar asshole than Derek is, I’ll christen mine The Law of “Fuck Yes or No.”

The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” states that when you want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, they must inspire you to say “Fuck Yes” in order for you to proceed with them.The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” also states that when you want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, THEY must respond with a “Fuck Yes” in order for you to proceed with them.

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As you can see, The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” implies that both parties must be enthusiastic about the prospect of one another’s company. Why? Because attractive, non-needy, high self-worth people don’t have time for people who they are not excited to be with and who are not excited to be with them.

This may sound a bit idealistic to some. But The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” has many tangible benefits on your dating life:

  1. No longer be strung along by people who aren’t that into you. End all of the headaches. End the wishing and hoping. End the disappoint and anger that inevitably follows. Start practicing self-respect. Become the rejector, not the rejected.
  2. No longer pursue people you are so-so on for ego purposes. We’ve all been there. We were so-so about somebody, but we went along with it because nothing better was around. And we all have a few we’d like to take back. No more.
  3. Consent issues are instantly resolved. If someone is playing games with you, playing hard to get, or pressuring you into doing something you’re unsure about, your answer is now easy. Or as I often like to say in regards to dating, “If you have to ask, then that’s your answer.”
  4. Establish strong personal boundaries and enforcing them. Maintaining strong boundaries not only makes one more confident and attractive, but also helps to preserve one’s sanity in the long-run.
  5. Always know where you stand with the other person. Since you’re now freeing up so much time and energy from people you’re not that into, and people who are not that into you, you now find yourself perpetually in interactions where people’s intentions are clear and enthusiastic. Sweet!

The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” is applicable to dating, sex, relationships, even friendships. You may have absolutely nothing in common with that bartender. But they’re hot and are interested in getting down. Is it a “Fuck Yes!” for sex? It is? Then game on.

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Wrapped up in that sweet guy who treats you so well, except goes weeks without calling you and suddenly disappears after a couple drinks and a round of the horizontal polka? Been wondering if he really likes you? Do his excuses of being so busy all the time seem legit? It doesn’t sound like the answer is a “Fuck yes.” Then it’s time to move on.

Making out with a girl at your house and every time you go to take her shirt off she swats your hands away? That is not a “Fuck Yes,” my friend, therefore, it’s a no and you shouldn’t pressure her. The best sex is “Fuck Yes” sex — i.e., both people are shouting “Fuck Yes” as they hop between the sheets together. If she’s not hopping, then there’s no fucking.

(Hint Fellas: This is a great time to ask the girl why she’s not comfortable, and what she’s looking for from you. That, by itself — you know, treating her like a human and empathizing with her — often solves this “problem.”)

Want to date that woman you met last weekend but she keeps ignoring your texts and calls? Not sure what to say or do, especially since she seemed so happy to go out with you when you initially met her? Well, my friend, this is obviously not a “Fuck Yes.” Therefore, it is a “No.” Delete her number and move on.

Fuck Yes or No applies to relationships as well. My girlfriend works with a guy who got married because “it seemed like the right thing to do.” Four years later, he was cheating on his wife every chance he got. The marriage was not a Fuck Yes for him, therefore it should have been a No.

Sometimes The Law of Fuck Yes or No will apply differently on different levels. You may be a “Fuck Yes” for friendship with someone, but mildly excited to have sex with them. Therefore, it’s a no. You may be a “Fuck Yes” on banging someone’s brains out, but a definite “No” on actually spending any time with them. Apply the law to your decision-making as it suits your current needs.

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But the real beauty of The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” is that it simplifies the problems you can have in your dating life. When applying the Law of “Fuck Yes or No,” there are really only two problems one can have.

The first problem is people who never feel a “Fuck Yes” for anybody they meet. If you are lukewarm on absolutely everyone you meet, then either your demographics are way off, or you suffer from a lack of vulnerability and are protecting yourself by remaining indifferent and unenthused by all of those around you.

 

Remember, it’s your job to look for something cool in everyone you meet; it’s not their job to show you. This is life, not a fucking sales convention. Learning to appreciate people you meet is a skill you cultivate. So get on it. This doesn’t mean you have to fall in love with everyone who breathes in your direction. It just means you need to take responsibility for your ability to connect with the people you are meeting.

The second problem is people who never meet others who feel a “Fuck Yes” for them. If all of the people you pursue give you a mild responses, or outright rejections, then it’s time to focus on improving yourself. Ask yourself, what is it about yourself that would inspire others to say “Fuck Yes” about you? If the answer is not obvious, then you get to work. Build yourself into a person others would say “Fuck Yes” to.

And this is the ultimate dating advice lesson — man, woman, gay, straight, trans, furry, whatever — the only real dating advice is self improvement. Everything else is a distraction, a futile battle in the grey area, a prolonged ego trip. Because, yes, with the right tools and performance, you may be able to con somebody into sleeping with you, dating you, even marrying you. But you will have won the battle by sacrificing the war, the war of long-term happiness.

Repost from Mark Manson

Wait for the boy who will do anything to be your everything.

Love & light, Charlie x.


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What is a Health Coach?

Sometimes in life we all need a hand to hold, a shoulder to lean on, a support system. Sometimes you can find that this doesnt come from those closest to you, as we go through life’s trial and tribulations, we find we have to evaluate the true support in our systems.

This is where a Health Coach comes in. Different to a personal trainer or a nutritionist. A health coach is someone to support you and offer guidance so you can find your passion and purpose and make the right (healthier and happier) choices.

Its a gentle reminder to create healthy habits, and someone to be responsible to. Someone to be there.

‘You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.’ Buddha

 

Sometimes all we need is to talk and have someone listen. Think about it when was the last time you actively listened to a loved one? When was the last time you were heard?

As a health coach I dont recommend specific diet plans or [programs, however we work together to find out what works for you. Biochemical individually. You are unique. Your mind, your body, your lifestyle requirements. Together we can create the life you love.

‘To keep the body in good health is a duty… otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear.’ Buddha

I work with my clients to create balance in their lives, whether this may be in career, relationships, self love, family, business or health…they are all related. How often have you found that when you excel in one area, others start to fail? Because your focus changes. I am here to help you re-focus and set intentions.

‘Whatever we plant in our subconscious mind and nourish with repetition and emotion will one day become a reality.’ Earl Nightengale

I host wellness seminars (please let me know if you are interested in hosting one at your business). These are designed to inspire and motivate and plant seeds of positivity.

Upcoming events:

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I would love to see you there!

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I offer individual consultations and programs, and also run the below programs:

Be Well; the Project, an introduction to health coaching. 21 days (including 1 week intro) to create healthy habits, change your mindset and cultivate self love. Each week works through Mind, Body and Soul aspects, with individual recommendations and feedback.

‘I would like to express my sincere gratitude to Charlie and the be Well project, not only did it truly resonate with me, but it was an easy, motivating and the first time I believe a total ‘holistic program’ has been offered, for me personally the challenges were to begin to accept myself and my journey, come what may, self-love would have to be the most important exercise I know do on a daily basis, at first it can seem confronting or ‘corny’ however I solely recommend to push through these negative thoughts as the results are more than beneficial.

I am a better person to myself and to my loved ones through the self-search of love no matter what and where I am in the journey to be a healthier person, it taught me to think more of the universal bigger picture that just total focus on the exercise and controlling my eating.

Thankyou Charlie, you really have given me the tools and basis of which I will continue on my journey to accept myself regardless.’

*Program starts Monday 3rd of March.

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I am also proud to be co-founder of the Wellness with Wholefoods Challenge (in collaboration with Angie Gluten Free).

This challenge is about remove all processed foods from your daily intake and beginning to understand the value of your food. The challenge includes recipes, exercise programs and yoga meditations.

This is brilliant if you want to take you wellness journey further.

*Program starts March 3rd.

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In the spirit of giving, please reshare this post to enter to win the beautiful gift pack below from People for Plants; cleanser, hydrating mist, balancing moisturiser, hand cream and an organic lipbalm (Valued at $85)

People for Plants are certified organic, animal cruelty  free and made in australia.

& some of my favourite pukka herbal teas.

{be sure to tag my facebook page, Charlie de Haas; Wellness Coach/fitness model}

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Do you know of someone who may be in need to some love, some support? Gift vouchers are also available.

Love & light, Charlie x.

Please email me charlie@charliedehaas.com.au if you have any questions or would like to attend an event, begin your own personal journey to wellness or join one of the programs.

‘Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship.’ Buddha

Love to get sex (Men)

Men use love to get sex. Im sure you will agree.

‘Since sex got easier to get, love became harder to find.’


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The beautiful word whispered gently, the promises made…

Men know what it takes to get a women into bed. Really, we are quite easy.

Every women dreams of her very own fairytale. The day we can stop dating frogs and find our prince, the real man. Men know this. They prompt our hope, our expectations by whispering gentle words of love.

‘Sex is full of lies. The body tries to tell the truth. But, it’s usually too battered with rules to be heard, and bound with pretenses so it can hardly move. We cripple ourselves with lies.’ Jim Morrison

We accept the beautiful words, hoping, ‘could he be the one’, whilst in his mind he’s thinking & saying everything it takes to get you where he wants you, in bed.

‘I love the lines men use to get us into bed. ‘Please, ill only put it in for as minute’. What am I, a microwave?’ Beverly Mickins

Men are more sexual than women, this is also true.

Men can have sex without emotions, easily. True.

Men often think about sex before the consequences.

“Anybody who believes that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach flunked geography.” Robert Byrne

We have all heard the words; you’re so beautiful, your amazing, how did I get so lucky to meet you and many others. These are standard lines men feed women so we give up our bodies (and we do).

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‘Maybe men are like a drug. Sometimes they bring you down, and sometimes, like now, they get you so high’. Sex and the city.

Tantalize her mind, her body will follow.

Most women need emotion to have enjoyable sex. Men dont. The ugly truth.

‘Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.’ Robert A. Heinlein

I once knew a man who slept with several women daily. How, I don’t know (well obviously I understand the logistics, but morally I dont understand), I’m sure that karma has something wonderful planned for him (my fabulous ex).

‘Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.’ Billy Crystal

I have  heard of men who will utter those three words (I love you) in order to get what they want, without comprehending the full meaning of these three little words that are so big.

How do you know if the words are real? If he is your prince, your dream come true? Actions will always speak louder than words. When he is there for you, not just for sex. When he supports your dreams. Supports you, this is the man who truly cares for you and perhaps loves you. The way that he acts will show you exactly what you mean to him.

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Sometimes men dont know that they want. Men and women are different. Women love to have things organised and planned, we like to know where we are going, where the relationship is going. Men, they are happy to live in the moment, they dont seem to understand our need to organise, and will willing book or do things last-minute (Im sure you have experienced this frustration). This is the same for relationships. They live in the moment. Some men, you may know these types, would be with anybody rather than nobody.

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No wonder everyone is confused.

I do believe that there are men who  are looking for their very own fairytale, and for every man there is one women who will change him.

I believe in love.

Floating on clouds, smile on your face, everything makes sense in the world, colours are brighter the days better…pure, exciting, love.

Lobe & light, Charlie x.

Off to date the most reliable man I know…his name is Gym.

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