Self love Sunday…getting control.

The day of the week to be still and reflect on your life, to plan and make changes (I love Self love Sunday).

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‘To enjoy good health, to bring true happiness to ones family, to bring peace to all, one must first discipline and control ones own mind. If a man can control his mind he can find the way to Enlightenment, and all wisdom and virtue will naturally come to him.’ Buddha

 

As Im reflecting, Ive noticed that I’ve created a dependence on food to feel a sense of control, eating until a sense of satiety takes over (ridiculous amounts). Not only this but I’ve falling into the ‘I don’t care’ category, filling myself with anything toxic. As I think about it, it scares me, I have never lost my own motivation in this way. Sugar, chocolate, chips and Ice cream. Now I’ve always been prone to a ‘cheat’ meal or two a habit  I have desperately been trying to break the circle of dieting. I believe in balance, but it’s always been the one or two, this time it’s been over 2 weeks where I haven’t gone longer than a few days without reaching for a sugary treat.

‘This is the very perfection of a man, to find out his own imperfections.’ Saint Augustine

 

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Where has this come from? After researching and discovering the many causes of out of control eating/over eating and binge eating I realised I had created this as my ‘go to’. As my world is changing (I currently have the luxury of not having to set an alarm any day or be anywhere at anytime except for yoga class and a few seminars weekly). I had created a dependence on food in lieu of a sense of routine (and I am an OCD/addictive personality). In times of being unsure we become dependant on other areas in our life that we can control; partners, substances, exercise (this was my normal addiction), good and bad habits.

So how do we break these bad habits and dependencies that come on so quickly they occur without us even realising?

Make a plan. Today is a new day, I’m using my self-love Sunday to write a commitment letter to myself. Just as a reminder; healthy is happy. And a reminder that I care for my wellbeing.

I know I feel better in my body and mind when I make healthier choices (junk foods create junk moods, I have found this to be true). I am the only one in control of my life and I can choose how to live it.

‘A man sooner or later discovers that he is the master-gardener of his soul, the director of his life.’ James Allen

I also have to remind myself, it’s ok to make mistakes. For you see my whole life I have been involved in health and fitness, I live and breathe it, especially now as it’s my chosen career; the career I love. I will remind myself that it’s ok to slip up. Guilt is a bad thought that leads to bad emotions. Which only then lead to more of your bad habit (such a terrible cycle).

Let go of the guilt. The pressure to be perfect (all the time). Life is made to be lived; we live and we learn.

 

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‘The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.’ Albert Ellis

As I reflect, making my plan, I’m thinking about the triggers; a bad day, lack of motivation, and for me personally; the hope of something blossoming into a relationship that didn’t (rejection, something I deal with poorly). I have determined this has been, amongst others, the trigger to my low self-esteem, ‘I’m not good enough’ thoughts. Why, when this time of my life, (everything is amazing) this particular person doesn’t want to be involved? . These thoughts can lead to hurt, sadness and a negative downward spiral. But it’s ok to feel them sometimes, just know when it’s time to stop (today).

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Today, is my time, I’m choosing to not give my power, my self-love away to someone, away to the addictive chemicals in ‘bad’ food. Instead I’m going to write My Commitment letter and reflect on everything that is amazing in my life, because I am truly blessed. I’m starting a 28 day ‘clean’ program. Not a Diet. In 28 days it will be my 30th birthday and I’m hoping the release of my book; Live a life you love (fingers crossed). What better motivation, to be the very best version of myself.

What are you committed to? Where is your focus? What can you do today to make a change in your life?

‘As your faith is strengthened you will find that there is no longer the need to have a sense of control, that things will flow as they will, and that you will flow with them, to your great delight and benefit.’ Emmanuel Teney

I am the only one who can create my dream reality, and I have the faith, knowledge and belief that I will. Mistakes do not define me, they empower me.

Love and light, Charlie x.

I’m off to spend the day doing the absolute final (scary and exciting) read though of my Manuscript.

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Land Mines (situations) & how to avoid them.

Every now and then we come across land mines that have the power to destroy us or hurt us.

‘Suffering becomes beautiful when anyone bears great calamities with cheerfulness, not through insensibility but through greatness of mind.’ Aristotle

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We can choose to react; creating drama, problems and ill feeling thoughts, or we can choose to respond; to reflect, evaluate and solve the issue.

How can we effectively choose to respond when our emotions run rampant and choose to react to situations?

Perhaps your boss wasnt happy with your level of work. Perhaps you stumble across an ex boy/girl friend picture with their new boy/girl friend. Perhaps it’s a simple no to a question you asked in hope of a yes.

Our emotions are controlled by the thoughts we think. You do have the power to choose them, although at times this can be difficult to believe. I write from personal experience, there was a time when all I would do with every situation that I continued to put myself in was run around and create ‘drama’, looking for a helping hand, feeling like my life had literally blown up. All I really needed to do was be still and look within.

Sometimes we don’t foresee these land mines and they can affect us in ways we didn’t know possible.

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‘Adversity is the first path to truth.’  ~Lord Byron

Bu it is your choice.

Creating healthy habits and thoughts daily (even every day that you are happy) will in turn build strength, positivity and self trust within yourself. So when you stunble across a land mine you can effectively deal with it; the thoughts and emotions.

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I have found that just like in the field, if you sense or do come across one of these, its important to be still and reflect. What is happening in this very moment? What emotions are you having? What thoughts are they created by?

If you find yourself always reacting, its a good tool to write down the thoughts and feelings as they occur when situations arise. Dont be surprised when you see a pattern. This pattern may stem from inner insecurities, self-doubt or as far back to your childhood.

Even our misfortunes are a part of our belongings.  ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

If you can be still and ask yourself ‘what can I do for you in this very moment’ the answer will come to you, and trust me it’s not to go and create more drama, if you really listen, most of the time the answer will be walk away, let it be, or it’s not your problem, (sometimes we get ourselves so caught up in other people’s problems) generally your answer will be to release and let go in some form thats specific to your issue.

There will always be highs and lows in this beautiful journey that is life, but with every situation you have the choice about how you want to feel.

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If you do have the ability to sense land mines, dont be afraid to take a side step and re direct your self. The only thing certain in this life is change. Be willing and ready to change your direction.

If you do find yourself at a land mine, know that whatever it is you can deal with it. Everything will always be ok (this is one of my personal mantras as I am a highly reactive/learning to respond person).

The problem is not that there are problems.  The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem.  ~Theodore Rubin

After all it is our trials and tribulations that make us stronger and the absolutely amazing person I know you are, today.

‘Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.’ Napoleon Hill

Life is a journey, yours is your own and only you have the power to create the life you love.

Choose wisely.

Love & light, Charlie x.

(off to practice my side stepping).

Please trust me when I say; every cloud has a silver lining, you just have to be willing, open and ready to see it. Open your eyes, your heart, everything you need is already there.

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You, Best friend or Worst enemy?

Are you your own Best friend; loving, supportive, caring for yourself? Or your own Worst enemy, negative, derogative, disrespectful to your self?

Are you always waiting for the right time; or when the right job happens, then you’ll change you health/fitness lifestyle; when the right man comes along, you’ll work at eating better for living well; or waiting for a friend to join the gym so you can train together?

What is it you are waiting for? In actual fact you are only practising self sabotaging behaviour, procrastinating change. Change isn’t easy.

But Change is the only one thing in this world that you can guarantee will happen. That’s life.

I previously struggled with Self sabotage, so much, that I have had other people comment to me, to say this was what I was doing; self sabotaging. My rollercoaster life, I would live the ‘good’ but then my inner critic would say I didn’t deserve it so my self sabotage habits would occur, ruining anything good I had created until I felt bad. And on it went. What a pattern, the ups the downs, its no wonder not only was I exhausted, but the people around me were exhausted (and frustrated).

How much do you rely on other people to ‘fix’ things for you? To ‘help’ you? My honest advice, stop. Now. Only you have the power to change your life. But first you must decide you want to change.

Its no good speaking about it without following through by taking the required actions.

Actions Speak louder then words. Its true.

You must be prepared to accept change, be willing to let go of old negative thoughts and behaviour patterns and be ready to live the life you love! YOU CAN MAKE IT HAPPEN! Nobody but you can do it.

‘The thing always happens that you really believe in; and the belief in a thing makes it happen.’ Frank Lloyd Wright

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So ask yourself, what is it that you are waiting for? Why are you holding back? Do you actually really want to live a good life filled with love and positivity, or are you holding onto an excuse of why that wont (cant) happen for you.

In this life we all have our own situations and tribulations that we have to deal with. Its the nature of life to test us, sometimes challenge us and see how strong you are. This is the beauty that is life. Overcoming obstacles for the greater good.

“Promise me you’ll always remember: You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.’

Christopher Robin to Pooh (by A. A. Milne)

Resilience is the ability to work with adversity in such a way that one comes through it unharmed or even better for the experience.  Resilience means facing life’s difficulties with courage and patience – refusing to give up.  It is the quality of character that allows a person or group of people rebound from misfortune, hardships and traumas.

The difference between self sabotage behaviour and self love behaviour is that when something goes ‘wrong’;

When you act from Self sabotage, its all downhill, the mind spirals into a world of negative thoughts, nothing seems to ever go right for you, why does this always happen to you, things will never be good for me etc.

When you act from self love; you know that everything will always be ok. No matter what happens. Because you have trust and self respect for yourself.

‘In order to succeed, we must first believe that we can.’ Michael Korda

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Self Sabotage (worst enemy) behaviour:

Procrastination:

In psychology, procrastination refers to the act of replacing more urgent actions with tasks less urgent, or doing something from which one derives enjoyment, and thus putting off impending tasks to a later time. In accordance with Freud, the pleasure principle may be responsible for procrastination; humans prefer avoiding negative emotions, and delaying a stressful task. The concept that humans work best under pressure provides additional enjoyment and motivation to postponing a task. (Wikipedia excerpt)

Comparison:

Comparison is the thief of all joy.

This is true. Stop comparing yourself to others. Stop comparing your beginning to somebody else’s middle or end. We are all different and unique. Your journey is that, yours, no one else’s.

Self Hate:

Refers to an extreme dislike or hatred of oneself, or being angry at or even prejudiced  against oneself.

Stop hating yourself for everything that you aren’t. Start loving yourself for everything that you are.

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Avoiding past issues (being the ‘victim’):

Stop blaming someone or something else for where you are right now. If you are not happy, change. Too often we hear excuses, I cant dot hat right now because of …. This is just an excuse. Excuses will get you nowhere. I understand there may have been situations and occurrences in your life or you may be living with health issues, but there is always a way to create the change you long for and to live a happier healthier life. Always. But first you must want it enough to change your mindset.

Not good enough syndrome:

The impostor syndrome, sometimes called impostor phenomenon or fraud syndrome, is a psychological phenomenon in which people are unable to internalize their accomplishments. Despite external evidence of their competence, those with the syndrome remain convinced that they are frauds and do not deserve the success they have achieved. Proof of success is dismissed as luck, timing, or as a result of deceiving others into thinking they are more intelligent and competent than they believe themselves to be. (Wikipedia excerpt).

“The only person who can pull me down is myself, and I’m not going to let myself pull me down anymore.”   C.JoyBell

Self Love (Best friend) behaviour:

*Trust yourself

*Appreciate what is good in your life…take a moment to look around, really look, open your eyes and see how much good is in your life, and be grateful to yourself, for you created it.

*Know that if you want something you can have it (you just have to work hard for it). Set goals, and work towards them EVERY DAY.

*Understand that a healthy body = a healthy mind. You consciously make the choices you  make, do you eat healthy? Do you exercise? are you taking responsibility for your own health? Knowing that a good life starts from within yourself? If you aren’t happy and healthy on the inside how can you expect to be happy and healthy on the outside. Be real.

*Love your personal uniqueness ( IM perfect). You were created perfectly exactly as you are. the day that you begin to appreciate your flaws or imperfections is the day no one else can use them against you.

*Believe in yourself. YOU are the creator of your own success. YOU have the power to change. YOU are the only one who can live your life and decide what type of life YOU want to live.

(If you don’t know, I would suggest you take some quiet reflection time and ask yourself what it is you really want).

‘Your belief determines your action and your action determines your results, but first you have to believe.’ Mark Victor Hansen

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Use the power of now…stop waiting for him, her, your friend, the right time. There will never be the ‘right’ time (your practising procrastination skills, something I’ve done a lot of and believe me it gets you nowhere).

Love & Light, Charlie x.

Be your own best friend. How do you treat you best friend? Hopefully with love and respect). BElieve (in) YOUrself

‘ You have to believe in yourself’ Sun Tzu

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The fear of letting go.

Why do  we spend so much time holding onto past love, old emotions, resentment, past relationships?

‘You want to heal your body, you have to heal your heart’ India Arie

This is something I have been ‘artfully’ procrastinating myself, (for the past 6 months).

Something that I knew had to be done so I could move forward. Yet, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t bring myself to let go of what I was holding onto. Was this fear? Fear of feeling empty, fear of never finding love, or possibly fear of losing hope.

What was it that I was holding onto?

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‘Holding on is believing there’s only  a past, letting go is knowing there is a future’ Daphne Rose Kingma

Fear affects us all, in many situations that occur in life. Fear of being alone/lonely is one of the most powerful fears there is. Nobody wants to be alone, we are all looking for ‘the one’, hoping that person will complete us, or make our lives make sense.

My personal situation was an old  ‘bad’ relationship (whilst I don’t like to clarify things as good or bad, this was definitely bad).

I had let go of this person with love and light long ago, yet I was still clinging to sentimental pieces from our time together. One piece in particular I couldn’t bring myself to release, a ring.

After looking within myself, spending time questioning why I was struggling, I realised that it was fear of losing hope, fear of never experiencing that feeling of elation again, fear of never finding love that I was struggling with. This bad, old relationship was a part of me (Key word WAS). It was affecting my ability to trust, to love and to have faith.

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The ring symbolised self worth to me, that someone had thought I was more then ‘ok’, when I didn’t think much of myself and actually wanted to build and grow a life together (I have mentioned before I have struggled with lack of self worth and esteem for a long time).

It has taken me 6 months to find myself, and it feels good. Better then good. In 6 months I have rebuilt a life I love, that is truly the definition of who I am, and I have found myself. I am grateful everyday. With that comes self love and with love comes trust. I know now, that no matter what happens I WILL BE OK.

I was ready to release the past, and strut proudly into my future, whilst appreciating my now.

Being the highly emotional person I am, I had to of course make this into a releasing ‘ritual’. I found any remaining belongings and kindly donated them away. The ring, well, that was different. I wrote a letter, gave myself some time to be emotional and went to one of my favourite places in nature and LET IT GO (over the cliff into the deep blue expansive ocean).

The feeling: Freedom.

‘to choose life, is to choose to forgive’ India Arie

Without speaking from my ego, I felt an overwhelming sense of pride for what I had just accomplished. I had found courage from within myself to overcome my fears and to let go of so much that had been stored within me. Relief.

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‘Everybody has a past, the past does not equal the future unless you live there’. Tony Robbins.

Are you holding onto past relationships, old love? Perhaps this may be interfering with your present, your future. Its not easy to process old emotions, but I can promise you it is worth it. If you are holding onto something and you want to release it, think about seeing a professional. I highly promote psychologists, they are brilliant to just talk to, and the best bit…they are paid to listen with no judgement. I consider them personal trainers for the mind.

‘In the process of letting go you will lose many things from the past, but you will find yourself.’ Deepak Chopra

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Another method which I believe in, is release work through writing. Write what you want to get out from within you, down. Get it out of your mind. There is enough happening in your beautiful life to think about, the added stress/resentment/anger is NOT welcome.

“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.”   Steve Maraboli

Are you ready to stop living the past? Are you ready to enjoy today? Hope for tomorrow? (If I can do it, you can definitely do it). What are you holding on to that no longer deserves space?

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Love & light, Charlie x.

As a lover of the arts and all things creative, one of my favourite artists India Arie, has the perfect song, ‘Get it Together’ for any type of release work.

‘I think its about forgiveness’ India Arie, the heart of the matter.

As for me, I am free from old feelings, resentments and blame and…

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