Commitment, a word so many of us seem to have become fearful of, even creating commitment phobia; the fear of commitment.
‘Commitment is an act, not a word.’ Jean-Paul Sartre
I wanted to write about this as it is such a huge term thrown around loosely in our society. Dating; there are people who are always in relationships who fear being alone, and then the opposite people who never seem to let anyone to close or commit, fear of commitment.
What does making a commitment mean? Why do we make it such a big word? (Yes, I include myself in this).
Commitment isn’t really such a big thing, either you make a commitment or you don’t, its simply doing what you say you will do.
Sounds so simple.
Yet so often (even if it is as simple as that), are we failing, failing to make a commitment and keep it.
I’m writing about this in every life sense; relationships: lovers, family, friends. Life; Career, health.
If you were only as good as your word how good would you be?
When we make a commitment to someone or something it means that we will do exactly what it is we have said we would and do whatever it takes to achieve the result you made the commitment for in the first place. No matter what happens.
Relationships; commit to create a loving happy environment for each person to develop and grow.
Health; commit to a target or goal to achieve as something to adhere to.
Career; commit to be the best version of yourself.
‘The quality of a person’s life is in direct proportion to their commitment to excellence, regardless of their chosen field of endeavor.’ Vince Lombardi
What about a commitment to yourself? That you will only ever be the very best you can, with the very best people and not allow yourself to be tolerant of anything less?
Why are we scared of commitment? I have found from speaking with numerous people, in/out and in between relationships, that the ‘c’ word carries a certain level of threat, a sense of entrapment, a loss of your freedom. In the world we live in, we are told we can have anything, be anyone, is this part of the reason people are failing to commit, in hope of something better, after all we are always told, not to settle.
Is this the way it should be? Again I am no expert, in fact I would easily say I have a fear of letting anyone get to close, but I would hope that in times of evaluating a commitment, especially in a relationship that the person you were creating it with, that person wouldn’t want to take away your freedom, or create a sense of entrapment. After all you are the person you are because of all the things you do, the way that you do them. Unique.
Relationships that are ‘traps’ or something rather than nothing don’t have the longevity or level of commitment required to develop something truly wonderful.
“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans’. Peter F. Drucker
What about commitments to our friends? We make these every day without realising, a social date, dinner date, green tea, walk in the park. Take a moment now to evaluate how many plans you make, and how many actually happen?
I’m not sure if this is the fast paced life of a Sydneysider (were always, always busy), but I do know that it is incredibly frustrating when you are the friend that is cancelled on.
When we think about committing to plans, think for a moment, the other person, your friend, your lover, who you love, respect and care about, is making time out of their own busy schedule for you, to be in your company and enjoy all the magical things that friends/lovers do (generally making your world a better place).
What type of love and respect are you showing by cancelling?
Why commit to the plans in the first place? It’s easy to say yes, I’ll be there. But the real respect and trust comes from actually showing up. Especially for special events. Sometimes its important to contemplate the importance of something in your friend/lovers life that may have no importance to you. If it means the world to them, be there. Simple.
Desire is the key to motivation, but it’s determination and commitment to an unrelenting pursuit of your goal – a commitment to excellence – that will enable you to attain the success you seek.’ Mario Andretti
We have relationships and friendships with people in our life who we want to spend our time with, people who (should) make us feel better, people who we want to enjoy the journey of life with including the ups and the downs.
Are you a commitment phobe? Think about why?
I would classify myself as slightly scared of commitment, I know for myself, I am still healing my heart, and I am developing self-love inside myself, before I can start to contemplate a relationship. I’ve also noticed from my personal experience, I like my life the way it is, (actually head over heals in love with it) and from previous relationships, all I know is that they have the power to disrupt and ruin everything (I have made very unwise decisions in the past). So for myself; as guarded as that may sound, I’m taking a little time to work on myself, my trust issues and I’m happy to do so.
You don’t always need to be with someone to be ok. The secret is, you already always have someone, yourself.
So today, when you make a commitment however big or small, to whatever aspect, contemplate firstly if you have any intention of going through with it. If not, just say no, people respect honesty (much more than a last-minute cancellation)
‘An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises’. Mae West.
Todays commitment (actually week); it’s not a treat if it’s every day – committing to be fit. (The C word, not such a big deal after all).
Love & light, Charlie x