My ‘Im not good enough’ belief


This may be difficult for some people to understand, and for some, easy to relate to.
I’ve recently been working with a psychologist to change my cognitive behaviour. For those that don’t know (I do speak openly about it in my book and in my seminars) I suffer depression & bpd.
‘I wish I could show you, When you are lonely or in darkness, The astonishing light of your own being.’ Hafiz
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‘Shame is the most powerful, master emotion. Its the fear that were not good enough.’ Brene Brown

Whilst I am honestly living a life I am loving, and feeling grateful everyday, it wasn’t long ago I started to recognize my own self destruction habits and knew I needed some help.

I had confided and spoken to many of my friends about my acts of self sabotage (I am currently suffering an emotional eating issue), but didn’t find the answers or support I was looking for.
In times of emotional distress or insecurity it’s common for people to create addictions, usually some form of substance or food that creates a sensation of satisfaction.
For me, this is true.

Many people see my highlight reel, my ‘perceived’ success, but few really know the daily battles I face & the constant positive enforcement I require to achieve the things I do (daily happiness).

The honest fact is, it’s hard to build a business on your own. No family support, or lover & very few business minded friends that I feel safe to confide in, it’s been an easy option/way out of my stress to turn to comfort eating (90% this is still clean food).

This self sabotage is an action of my core belief that I will never be good enough.
“I put alot of pressure on myself. I think somethings not good enough, and I wont stop until I feel like Ive made it. Im never satisfied.’ J. Cole
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I will never be good enough, a belief that I created (no one else made me believe it) from a younger age. Any time I feel successful or close to breaking through my barriers I act in self sabotaging manners to bring myself back down to my pre conceived level of where I should be (which I was told at a younger age, wasn’t much).
‘All I can tell you really is if you get to the point where someone is telling you that you are not great or not good enough, just follow your heart and dont let anybody crush your dream.’ Patti LaBelle
So as my business is growing & I’m nearly struggling (in an overwhelmingly grateful way) to keep up, I self sabotage with emotional eating. In times of stress or insecurity I reach for a sense of comfort, not being able to get that from the relationships around me…it has been a bad habit of over eating. You know that over full feeling? That. Thinking that I can’t have it all (inside, I do know I can) because I believe deep within myself that I will never be good enough.
w5Challenging these cognitive behaviours that are engraved in my thought and habit patterns is SO challenging, but it can be done.

It’s never to late to change. Never to late to decide you want more and to decide that you don’t want to live your life a certain way anymore.
k5If you find that you are suffering repeatedly, making the same mistakes or have created acts of self sabotage, know that it is always ok to ask for help.
It’s ok not to be perfect.
Not to have it together all the time (these things I am learning). The best thing you can do is notice. Reflect on your life, on these habits or bad addictions and work with someone to break them.
It’s your life, you are the CEO & you get to direct your thoughts as you would your staff to create the results you want.
‘We are each gifted in a unique and important way. It is our privilege and our adventure to discover our own special light.’ Mary Dunbar
seslf sabotage 2Be prepared to do the work, I am (stop looking for quick fixes and focus on everyday just being a little better than yesterday).
Ready to break old patterns that are no longer (never were) of benefit to me.
Cognitive Behaviour Therapy is essentially a collaborative and individualised program that helps individuals to identify unhelpful thoughts and behaviours and learn or relearn healthier skills and habits. Extract Australian Association for Cognitive and Behaviour Therapy.
‘To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.’ Thich Nhat Hanh
Love & light, Charlie x.
Feeling incredibly vulnerable writing about this, but being true to who I am, my brand and keeping it real.
{Judgement is not welcomed}

It is our light that most frightens us…

After a long weekend spent with friends and also working (when you work for yourself, all days are the same and there are no days off/love it), I was genuinely surprised by the love and support, the genuine appreciation for what I am doing with Clean Treats aka #charliesballs. I was even told ‘Im so proud of you’.

 

I felt my heart warm. Wow. I had created a product that people not only enjoyed, that was healthy but that they wanted to be a part of, they wanted to support me (thank you to everyone who has done their own Instagram & facebook posts for me… #ballers),.

Now, as you now, we all have our own self belief expectations, a place of success that is comfortable, that is aligned with what we believe about ourselves.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.’ Marianne Williamson

When we start to push that barrier, it can become scary. Last night at 12pm I suffered an anxiety attack. Its been awhile since I have felt this ‘on edge’, unsatisfied, uncomfortable feeling. I was a little thrown. My Negative thoughts started to occur…

Who do you think you are?

Youll never make it.

It wont be good enough.

Youll do it wrong. Something will go wrong.

You dont deserve such happiness.

And so on.

OUCH. I remember these feelings and thoughts, and they hurt. Where had they come from? Id spent a weekend with people telling me how much love they had for me and how amazing #charliesballs were.

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Expectations.

Fear of failure. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of being truly great. The fear of risk.

‘Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.’

I had also spent the weekend finalising my packaging designs, nutritional information and some fun admin things…I had to make the bIG decisons, on my own. I really had to find my own sense of self trust to invest in what I thought was right, although it may be wrong…this was scary! I felt excited but I also felt the pressure.

We often fear things that arent even real, we create situations in our mind that arent based on  facts and start to indulge in a world based around these unreal facts. I realise for myself, I am scared. Its ok to admit it. Im scared, excited, nervous and grateful for the opportunity that has been presented to me.

Do I feel supported, yes and no. Every person I meet will give me their opinion, even when its not asked for, but is this the same as working with someone, a lover, a business partner and making those difficult decisions together, no.

So anxiety, where does it come from? For me, its the thought of the unkown (a little bit ironic that I have chosen to work for  myself and chase my dreams where everyday is different to before), the insecurity. I am creating something that some people will love, some will like and some wont. I have to be prepared.

We are all meant to shine as children do. It’s not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” Marianne Williamson

I had to self soothe with all the powerful affirmations I have learnt…

Everything will be ok. I love you. Trust the process. What is meant to be will be. You can do it. BREATHE (I had to actively practice my breathing technique…4 counts in hold, 4 counts out, hold & repeat).

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I just didnt know what to do with myself. I started to create a world of what ifs, and felt my thoughts spiralling downhill, fast.

I have recently discovered a ‘Sleep Remedy’ product by Healthy Essentials, it contains Magnesium (excellent for hormonal balance & sleep), Lemon Balm (historically used to relieve anxiety & promote sleep) and Zizyphus (Traditional chinese herb, sleep inducing and healing properties). I normally take this at tnight as my mind likes to wander, get creative and plan for my wonderful future. Did I take it alst night before I felt anxious, no. Did I run and take a little bit extra…yes…then sleep.

The purpose of todays writing, is to show you I am real. Yes I am a dreamer, I love living in my own world, but reality does affect me, just as it affects us all. Social media, men, lovers,  (the search for the right one), friendships, finances, we can worry about these factors, but the truth is worry is just a wish you are making. Where you focus your intention, energy goes.

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If you feel anxious, sad, lonely…its ok to feel that. FOr me, its a sign of how much I care…my heart and my soul are invested in doing something good. Find your own SOS kit that you can reach to…Lavender essential oil, calming music ( I love James Vincent McMorrow…Higher Love).

Then dust it off. It was only a thought, only an emotion and its gone. Today is a new day, a day to make magic happen. Today, I am going to be the best I can be.

‘Dont be led by your fears, be pushed by your dreams’

Love & light, Charlie x.

Doing the best I can with what I have to make a little change in the world.

If you would like to try the Healthy Essentials Sleep Remedy, visit their page and at checkout use the code ‘Charlie’ for 25% off (I dont get a kickback, Im not paid by this company, I just truly adore their product)

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Self Love Sunday…Be your own best friend.

As life transitions I cant help but question the choices and decisions I have been making, what is right, what is perhaps not so?

‘It takes courage to grow up and become who you truly are’.

What opinions have I been paying too much attention to and what opportunities have I overlooked? These thoughts are feelings of fear; fear of failure. They are created from a place within me that is scared to fail, to ‘not make it’ (whatever that means).

I have been thinking and acting towards myself as though I was someone I didn’t really care for. This is acting as my own worst enemy. Self love is learning to be your own best friend, being able to know you’ve got your own back in times of stress or need.

‘What would you attempt if you knew you could not fail?’

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‘It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.’ Theodore Roosevelt

 

As I re-evaluate these thoughts and exactly where they are coming from, I realise that I havent been 110% dedicated to creating the change in my life that I desire. I havent been as productive as I could. In fact, I have been less than as my old patterns of self sabotage are returning. Finding reasons and ways to destroy this amazing happiness that I have found. After all, what did I ever do to deserve this?

All my life I have a tendency to self sabotage the good that comes into my life. This was created from a very young age, a feeling of not deserving good in my life, of not being good enough. Good things would occur, I wouldnt feel deserving or worthy and find ways to ruin it.

The fact is, every single person deserves the happiness they seek.

My Sunday self-love act this week is to make a plan, to write it down and utilise my time effectively. To put in the extra effort that I know is required to become more of who I am.

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‘I failed my way to success’. Thomas Edison

They say success is not about how many times you fail, but about how many times you get back up and try again. Often we look at successful inspirational people, viewing their lives from the outside and thinking ‘wow’, it can all look so easy. Yet, we have no idea of their own personal battles they may be fighting. I believe this is what success is, to truly over come your inner fear and ego and let yourself shine. To try and make a mistake, acknowledge it and then try again….this is SUCCESS. You just have to keep going, then how can you fail? (these are all affirmations to myself).

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‘One who fears failure limits his activities. Failure is only the opportunity to more intelligently begin again.’ Henry Ford

Self Sabotage can be acts of procrastination, of avoidance. Self Sabotage is creating a limitation for yourself. Sure you may have a dream, but how far and how hard are you prepared to work to achieve it? Self sabotage may be finding yourself so close to your dream then faltering, or procrastinating with the little things that will take you to that higher level (think a race horse, trained with the ability to win a huge race, yet fear stops him at the gate). your own limitations keep you in your safety zone.

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Today I am making a conscious choice to stop being my own worst enemy, and instead I will be my own best friend. I will not pay any attention to my inner mean girl. She will get no love or attention from me.

We often forget the way we treat ourselves can be less than appropriate, yet give our love willingly away to those we call our friends. Treat yourself as you would someone you really care about. The way you would your very best friend in need of support.

Are you procrastinating the gym? Why? Are you procrastinating a difficult conversation, why? For me, I’ve been procrastinating putting in that extra 20% required to make it, for fear of really trying and failing, of not being good enough.

‘Our greatest glory consist not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.’ Oliver Goldsmith

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Today I choose to act with self love. To make a promise and commitment to my dream, to do anything and everything it takes (including changing my direction and overcoming hurdles) to make it my reality.

Love & light, Charlie x.

Self love Sunday, Opening my heart.

Recent speculation has shown me that many of us have felt our heart hurt before, or worse, felt our heart break.

 ‘You want to heal your body, you have to heal your heart, what so ever you sow you will reap.’ India Arie
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This can rock the very fundamentals of our lives, our purpose of life, the very thought of who we are. How do we learn to heal our hearts and open them again? How can we learnt o let go with love and learn to love again?

I was thinking about the joy children bring (when happy) to those around them. Their carefree nature, kind and open hearts. For they feel no fear, they have not yet experienced what I would determine as possibly one of the worst pains in life. They wear  their heart with pride and joy on their sleeve, for everyone to see and feel.

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“The walls we build around us to keep out the sadness also keep out the joy.” Jim Rohn

At 30 (21 days away), I’m finding that most people, men and woman alike have some form of past pain or baggage they hold onto and bring with them into the next relationship or situation. We have built self protective walls around our hearts as we have taken vows, never to feel that hurt again or feel like we have lost it all, whatever your situation might have been. Retracting and hiding ourselves away from possibilities.

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How fair is this to new love, new opportunity? I have been living with a wall built so strong around my heart I havent given anyone the opportunity to enter, to become a part of my life. Acting from fear, not love. We hold onto our past pain and vow to never allow ourselves to be hurt again. In doing so who are we really hurting?

‘I have to admit, that hiding my heart doesn’t only hurt others it hurts me the most, hiding from reality and building my own walls made me lose alot’ Ghaidaa Atef

Fear.

Fear of something that hasn’t even happened yet. Fear, created by painful memories of the past. The past, a place where I don’t live anymore. I live in this moment.

‘If you wont take a chance on love & take that leap with faith alone, then all the mysteries & joys of love, will remain to you unknown.’ Unknown

My Sunday Self love is dedicated to opening my heart, to breaking down my own walls and being open to the opportunities that are presented to me in love and life.

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‘The happiest moments my heart knows are those in which it is pouring forth its affections to a few esteemed characters.’ Thomas Jefferson

Have you built an impenetrable wall around your heart? What are you hiding from? Open your heart and open yourself to new (amazing) things, allow good to enter into your life.

Love & light, Charlie x.

Dear Universe, I am ready for new opportunities. I am ready for new possibilities. I am ready to open my heart. Here is my order:

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Fear of inadequacy…social situations.

As I have been searching within myself to determine my personal strengths and weaknesses, I realised that when in public situations I have a tendency to retract into myself, suffering a fear of inadequacy.

‘Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.’ Marianne Williamson

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A fear of social judgement, awkwardness of not being good enough. Even after all that I am learning and with the self-love I am cultivating, I felt this fear arise recently.

It surprised me, that it was so quick to resurface when I believed I had developed a strong sense of self.

Researching this, I have found that these feelings can be quite common (and becoming increasingly more so), known as Avoidant personality disorder or anxious personality disorder.

These disorders as recognized by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental disorders, and are seen by signs of unease, anxiety, nervousness all created by the fear of being socially judged, ridiculed or humiliated.

As society progresses and we are becoming more judgemental more ‘clique’ based, there is an increasing amount of ‘social’ phobia.

‘What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in comparison to what lies inside of you.’ Ralph Waldo Emerson

We fear being judged by our past, fear being judged; ‘who does she think she is’, fear of being judged as not good enough (yet we are also quick to judge others).

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Where does this fear come from? Fear of not being enough? It seems the fear of inadequacy is relevant to the fear of rejection.

The more you are rejected, the lower your self-esteem, leading to a feeling and belief of not being enough. The more you have a sense of not being good enough or inadequacy, the more rejection you will experience (not such a  nice state to be in).

There is also reflection that this fear of inadequacy can occur in people who are ‘material’ based, those people who try to wear the very best, to be superior, whilst still occurring from a place of fear, of insecurity.

One fo my favourite quotes of all time is; do something you fear and do it often.

I have personally used this for many situations in my life; the funniest being the fact that I hated wearing red lipstick (it was very ‘in’ at the time, and I was working as a Business Development Manager for a leading makeup company), I thought of this quote, and I wore it EVERY day, it wasnt long until I actually LOVED it and found it hard not to wear it.

This has also been the case for me with public speaking, I used to get physically sick…just at the thought. Now, I cant wait to step up and speak to anyone who will listen (even in daily conversations I have to actively remember to stop and listen).

So if we have a strong sense of self, a passion within us and a good heart, why is it that we can feel so empty, so open in anticipation of being analysed when in social situations? Why do we even care?

Lets stop thinking about what other people think. Does it matter to you? Will it affect the way you continue your day, your beautiful life? Most likely not. Note: Get out of other peoples minds.

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‘Creative people are very insecure people because they don’t know whether people like them or are in awe of them. That insecurity always comes out.’ Persis Khambatta

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, and one of the best things in life is that you are unique, you are an individual. Everyone does not have to ‘like’ or approve of you to determine your self-worth (note to self Charlie). As I’m finding my feet in the business world, I’m constantly evaluating the ‘what ifs’. What if this happens, what if no one likes it, what if…all created from a sense of insecurity and a need to be approved of by others that is within me. So, as im evaluating my own strengths and noticing these weaknesses (areas that can be improved on), I’m finding techniques that help to overcome and conquer these inner insecurities. My favourite mantra; it doesn’t matter what people think; if you do what you love, with passion, integrity and a pure heart…you will be successful. (Believe it).

Like attracts like, you will attract people of the same values that you hold yourself to. Allow that to happen.

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‘A lack of transparency results in distrust and a deep sense of insecurity.’ Dalai Lama

Some studies have shown that cognitive behavioural therapy has great success in overcoming social phobias and anxiety, especially if it is something that ha been experienced for a long period of time.

If you find yourself feeling anxious or a sense of distress when in a social environment, take a moment to yourself, notice the feeling and the situation and later reflect on what it is that might be causing that feeling…determine where the thought is stemming from. Perhaps it is something from your younger years (if it is I do advise to see a professional), perhaps it is something your own self sabotage habits are creating (this is true for me).

What is it that you can do for yourself to create a sense of peace, of calm, clarity?

Love & light, Charlie x.

Remember, you can choose to invest your time with people who make you smile a little brighter, lift you a little higher and make your world a little better.

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The ‘C’ word; Commitment

Commitment, a word so many of us seem to have become fearful of, even creating commitment phobia; the fear of commitment.

‘Commitment is an act, not a word.’ Jean-Paul Sartre

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I wanted to write about this as it is such a huge term thrown around loosely in our society. Dating; there are people who are always in relationships who fear being alone, and then the opposite people who never seem to let anyone to close or commit, fear of commitment.

What does making a commitment mean? Why do we make it such a big word? (Yes, I include myself in this).

Commitment isn’t  really such a big thing, either you make a commitment or you don’t, its simply doing what you say you will do.

Sounds so simple.

Yet so often (even if it is as simple as that), are we failing, failing to make a commitment and keep it.

I’m writing about this in every life sense; relationships: lovers, family, friends. Life; Career, health.

IMG_0106If you were only as good as your word how good would you be?

When we make a commitment to someone or something it means that we will do exactly what it is we have said we would and do whatever it takes to achieve the result you made the commitment for in the first place. No matter what happens.

Relationships; commit to create a loving happy environment for each person to develop and grow.

Health; commit to a target or goal to achieve as something to adhere to.

Career; commit to be the best version of yourself.

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‘The quality of a person’s life is in direct proportion to their commitment to excellence, regardless of their chosen field of endeavor.’ Vince Lombardi

What about a commitment to yourself? That you will only ever be the very best you can, with the very best people and not allow yourself to be tolerant of anything less?

Why are we scared of commitment? I have found from speaking with numerous people, in/out and in between relationships, that the ‘c’ word carries a certain level of threat, a sense of entrapment, a loss of your freedom. In the world we live in, we are told we can have anything, be anyone, is this part of the reason people are failing to commit, in hope of something better, after all we are always told, not to settle.

Is this the way it should be? Again I am no expert, in fact I would easily say I have a fear of letting anyone get to close, but I would hope that in times of evaluating a commitment, especially in a relationship that the person you were creating it with, that person wouldn’t want to take away your freedom, or create a sense of entrapment. After all you are the person you are because of all the things you do, the way that you do them. Unique.

Relationships that are ‘traps’ or something rather than nothing don’t have the longevity or level of commitment required to develop something truly wonderful.

“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans’. Peter F. Drucker

What about commitments to our friends? We make these every day without realising, a social date, dinner date, green tea, walk in the park. Take a moment now to evaluate how many plans you make, and how many actually happen?

I’m not sure if this is the fast paced life of a Sydneysider (were always, always busy), but I do know that it is incredibly frustrating when you are the friend that is cancelled on.

When we think about committing to plans, think for a moment, the other person, your friend, your lover, who you love, respect and care about, is making time out of their own busy schedule for you, to be in your company  and enjoy all the magical things that friends/lovers do (generally making your world a better place).

What type of love and respect are you showing by cancelling?

Why commit to the plans in the first place? It’s easy to say yes, I’ll be there. But the real respect and trust comes from actually showing up. Especially for special events. Sometimes its important to contemplate the importance of something in your friend/lovers life that may have no importance to you. If it means the world to them, be there. Simple.

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Desire is the key to motivation, but it’s determination and commitment to an unrelenting pursuit of your goal – a commitment to excellence – that will enable you to attain the success you seek.’ Mario Andretti

We have relationships and friendships with people in our life who we want to spend our time with, people who (should) make us feel better, people who we want to enjoy the journey of life with including the ups and the downs.

Are you a commitment phobe? Think about why?

I would classify myself as slightly scared of commitment, I know for myself, I am still healing my heart, and I am developing self-love inside myself, before I can start to contemplate a relationship. I’ve also noticed from my personal experience, I like my life the way it is, (actually head over heals in love with it) and from previous relationships, all I know is that they have the power to disrupt and ruin everything (I have made very unwise decisions in the past). So for myself; as guarded as that may sound, I’m taking a little time to work on myself, my trust issues and I’m happy to do so.

You don’t always need to be with someone to be ok. The secret is, you already always have someone, yourself.

So today, when you make a commitment however big or small, to whatever aspect, contemplate firstly if you have any intention of going through with it. If not, just say no, people respect honesty (much more than a last-minute cancellation)

‘An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises’. Mae West.

Todays commitment (actually week); it’s not a treat if it’s every day – committing to be fit. (The C word, not such a big deal after all).

Love & light, Charlie x

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Making a commitement…

As my life is changing in ways I could only dream about, I find myself entertaining some fearful thoughts; what if you can’t do it, who do you think you are? It won’t work.

‘It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.’ Theodore Rooseveltsc1

Negative, derogative, self doubting thoughts.

Every person I have spoken to about my decision, has genuinely been excited and expressed their belief in me. (So much enthusiasm it has genuinely surprised me, the true belief in me and support system I have created).

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“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. You playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It’s not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others”. Coach Carter

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As I tend to be an over thinker and have been prone to creating havoc in my mind and my life. Today’s Sunday self-love exercise is a commitment letter to myself. I have struggled with making commitments in the past, I still do to this day.

But a commitment to myself; what better one to make? Especially in a time of great change, opportunity and risk.

A letter that I will write all my thoughts and dreams in, a letter where I will speak to myself as if I would a good friend: with compassion, strength and positivity. A letter that I can return to read in my times of need or emotional turmoil. A letter of dedication to my dreams, a source of inspiration and self-love.

‘You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.’ Eleanor Roosevelt

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It’s a proven fact the mind is much quicker to think negative thoughts as a way to protect ourselves rather than to think positively.

This is why I find positive affirmations and exercises are so important to surround myself with. I need to plant positive seeds consistently in my mind, so they will develop and create a natural positive attitude, healthy habits that I can return to in times of turmoil or stress.

‘Every failure brings with it the seed of an equivalent success.’ Napoleon Hill

Sometimes we search for answers in the world around us. I’ve found myself asking every person close to me their opinion about my life changing move; what I was really asking for was a positive reinforcement that I am capable of doing it for myself. Someone to tell me that I had indeed made the right decision, when in fact I already know within myself, my heart, body and soul, that to follow this dream is right for me. It is what I have been working for my whole life; to find myself, my passion, my calling.

All the answers we ever need are always inside of us. We just fail to look. We fail to truly be still and let our inner self direct us, our intuition. What is right for you will come to you.

I am a big believer of this. Everything that is occurring in my life is a step towards my dream reality, yet I still can’t help but fear failure.

I want to succeed. To do this, I need to plan and give myself guidance. So I am making a commitment to myself, that I will have faith and chase my dreams.

‘What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?’ Vincent van Gogh

Try making a commitment to yourself. Whether it be a letter, a thought, a daily goal. You are the only one responsible for achieving your goal and the sense of achievement is beyond measurement.

I am committing to giving myself absolutely everything that I have within me, every thing that I have worked for has led me to this point of my life, the opportunity to do it for myself.

I want to make it work, therefore I will.

I am the only one who can make it happen.

I am making a commitment to myself to be the very best version of myself that I can be, whilst giving and sharing love and wellness.

Love & light, Charlie x.

I believe.

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Know your worth…

As I’m nervously trying to mentally prepare to step in stage tomorrow (READ Nervously!), I’m evaluating where it is my nerves and trepidation are stemming from.

‘Self worth comes from one thing – thinking you are worthy’. Wayne Dyer

The thought of being judged? The feeling of ‘losing’, being deemed not good enough, or the fear of being laughed at?

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‘Only when you are aware of the uniqueness of everyone’s individual body will you begin to have a sense of your own self worth’. Ma Jian

After all, I am putting myself on stage, exposing myself (in a bikini) for the world to see…I should be aware of the fact that judgement and scrutiny is expected.

It’s 12 hrs before I’m due to get on stage, and I’m currently still unsure if I will (I do have some ongoing health issues I am dealing with).

 “Life is too short to waste any amount of time on wondering what other people think about you. In the first place, if they had better things going on in their lives, they wouldn’t have the time to sit around and talk about you. What’s important to me is not others’ opinions of me, but what’s important to me is my opinion of myself.”  C. Joybell

Is my fear greater than my will to succeed? How much will it really matter if I don’t get on stage (after 12 weeks preparation)? Is it the be all and end all if I don’t?

 

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I must admit I haven’t made the 100% commitment required for optimal results. As I’ve been studying wellness; living and breathing it, I have missed my superfood smoothies, my Superfoods (eating as much RAW food as I like/adding in) and my weekend healthy treat making.

Competition ‘diet’ (restrictions), I have found, are not for me. If this is the first time you are reading one of my blogs, I will tell you, I am an all or nothing, want to achieve everything possible, type of person. I have come to the realisation that to truly live the lifestyle I love; work, write, study, and exercise (and build strong relationships), I require effective nutrition, not only For my body, but for my mind and soul. I need to nourish the essence of my being. (I truly love exercise, running,w eights and Yoga, 3 hrs a day if I could!)

My personal happiness depends on it; Balance. Dieting or competing may be easy for some people, but to be honest I have struggled…My heart hasn’t been in it.

“Never forget that once upon a time, in an unguarded moment, you recognized yourself as a friend.” Elizabeth Gilbert

One thing I have learnt and am continuing to learn on my journey of self discovery is that you must follow your heart, what ever it is that inspires you, motivates you and lights the fire within you, you must do everything you can to continue to keep that flame ignited.You must find your passion. you must do what makes YOU happy.

So regarding my current dilema (yes, I am an ‘overthinker’ and seem to always cause myself more stress than is neccassary) whether or not I get myself on stage tomorrow; well I’ll decide tomorrow. What I do know as a fact, is that if I do or don’t: it doesn’t matter. I have learnt more from this competition prep then any other. I have learnt that I am worthy of loving my body, worthy of nourishing my mind and soul with Superfoods, worthy of getting more from life, of expecting more from myself. Because I can honestly say, I love the life I live, everything, from the highs to the lows, to the little laughs at my (sometimes big/hard to laugh at) mistakes .

I am worthy of more than others judgement. I am worthy of loving my self. No matter what may happen.

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I am entitled to make my own decisions based on who I am.

Once upon a time, it would have been everything and more to me if I had prepared for a Competition and failed to go through with it (quitting is something I’ve never been good at once I do make a committment), fear of deemed failure would stop me. What would people think? What would people say? Fear of not beign good enough.

But not now.

This journey has shown me that I am living my purpose, studying wellness, writing and generally living well and there is no better feeling then the feeling of reassurance that you are headed in the right direction, living your life as you were designed to. This is a feeling of growth, of compassion to myself, of understanding that my worth is more than whether I step on stage or not (powerful thoughts).

‘I’ve come to believe that each of us has a personal calling that’s as unique as a fingerprint – and that the best way to succeed is to discover what you love and then find a way to offer it to others in the form of service, working hard, and also allowing the energy of the universe to lead you.’ Unknown

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Every journey teaches us different lessons; be open to them, look for them, learn from them.

You are worthy of everything you believe you are.

If I get on stage tomorrow, well we will see, and if not, I will know it just want meant to be. (I am already so grateful for this journey, the lessons I have learnt and the knowledge it has provided me).

Love & Light, Charlie x.

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection” Buddha

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All in a Name…

I am the first to admit, I am a perfectionist. I like to have my life in an order that I understand and to be in control (I do struggle when I’m not). These traits can sometimes be beneficial to me, sometimes detrimental…especially when it comes to decision-making (and also social relationships). Because I feel the need to strive for perfection, the weight of decision-making is intensified in hope of getting it right.   d2

‘In  any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.’ Theodore Roosevelt.

My current dilemma; my business name. With so many avenues I wanted to explore; this blog, writing, speaking, events, and now coaching, and with so much competition out there, the desire to have an outstanding name has caused reevaluation of Nourish (your mind).Balance (your body) .Breathe (for your soul).

It amazes me how we so easily ‘fall out’ of love with something we were so in love with. When I created NBB, it felt right, now…well, Im reevaluating.

This  of course happens in every aspect of life, the bright opportunity of a new career, the adoration of a new love, the shine of new purchases. Then, like everything the brightness, adoration, and shine wear off, and we search for another source to promote those feelings of elation.

‘The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.” Flora Whittemore

Is this part of the problem in society today, where there is so much to choose from we are actually spoiled for choice?

“The problem, simply put, is that we cannot choose everything simultaneously. So we live in danger of becoming paralyzed by indecision, terrified that every choice might be the wrong choice.” Elizabeth Gilbert, Author.

 

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If your like me, you may fear your own decision making from mistakes made in the past. It can be hard to accept that mistakes are just mistakes, a part of life to learn from. We all make them.

I find myself creating many situations and scenarios in my mind about the pros and cons of changing NBB, in fact I even had to send out a little support message to my close friends for their opinion (thank you). The interesting thing, prior to sending this ‘please help me’ message, is; I had already made up my mind. I was just reaching out for verification, reassurance. My own fear of making a mistake was stronger than trusting my instinct. I was also contemplating the destructive thought; what will people think? As we know, the more time we spend worrying about pleasing others and what they think, the less time we have to focus on developing our own lives (wasted energy).

Helpful decision-making tools:

Make time to consider decisions, don’t act in haste.

One method is to contemplate options and select the one that you feel a sense of excitement for. Katherine Melo Sipe

Trust your instinct.

Stop procrastinating, this only creates more confusion.

Let go of control, let it happen.

Dont be afraid of change. There is only one thing that is certain in this life; change. Embrace it.

Remember, everyone makes mistakes, make them, and learn from them. Growing is a part of life.

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So, my decision was already made; you will see NBB kept where possible, however I will use it under my name Charlie de Haas (everyone loves a little self promotion; next task…conquer the selfie! Most likely wont happen 😉

‘Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen’. Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Love & Light, Charlie x.

Your decisions create your dream reality.

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The fear of letting go.

Why do  we spend so much time holding onto past love, old emotions, resentment, past relationships?

‘You want to heal your body, you have to heal your heart’ India Arie

This is something I have been ‘artfully’ procrastinating myself, (for the past 6 months).

Something that I knew had to be done so I could move forward. Yet, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t bring myself to let go of what I was holding onto. Was this fear? Fear of feeling empty, fear of never finding love, or possibly fear of losing hope.

What was it that I was holding onto?

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‘Holding on is believing there’s only  a past, letting go is knowing there is a future’ Daphne Rose Kingma

Fear affects us all, in many situations that occur in life. Fear of being alone/lonely is one of the most powerful fears there is. Nobody wants to be alone, we are all looking for ‘the one’, hoping that person will complete us, or make our lives make sense.

My personal situation was an old  ‘bad’ relationship (whilst I don’t like to clarify things as good or bad, this was definitely bad).

I had let go of this person with love and light long ago, yet I was still clinging to sentimental pieces from our time together. One piece in particular I couldn’t bring myself to release, a ring.

After looking within myself, spending time questioning why I was struggling, I realised that it was fear of losing hope, fear of never experiencing that feeling of elation again, fear of never finding love that I was struggling with. This bad, old relationship was a part of me (Key word WAS). It was affecting my ability to trust, to love and to have faith.

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The ring symbolised self worth to me, that someone had thought I was more then ‘ok’, when I didn’t think much of myself and actually wanted to build and grow a life together (I have mentioned before I have struggled with lack of self worth and esteem for a long time).

It has taken me 6 months to find myself, and it feels good. Better then good. In 6 months I have rebuilt a life I love, that is truly the definition of who I am, and I have found myself. I am grateful everyday. With that comes self love and with love comes trust. I know now, that no matter what happens I WILL BE OK.

I was ready to release the past, and strut proudly into my future, whilst appreciating my now.

Being the highly emotional person I am, I had to of course make this into a releasing ‘ritual’. I found any remaining belongings and kindly donated them away. The ring, well, that was different. I wrote a letter, gave myself some time to be emotional and went to one of my favourite places in nature and LET IT GO (over the cliff into the deep blue expansive ocean).

The feeling: Freedom.

‘to choose life, is to choose to forgive’ India Arie

Without speaking from my ego, I felt an overwhelming sense of pride for what I had just accomplished. I had found courage from within myself to overcome my fears and to let go of so much that had been stored within me. Relief.

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‘Everybody has a past, the past does not equal the future unless you live there’. Tony Robbins.

Are you holding onto past relationships, old love? Perhaps this may be interfering with your present, your future. Its not easy to process old emotions, but I can promise you it is worth it. If you are holding onto something and you want to release it, think about seeing a professional. I highly promote psychologists, they are brilliant to just talk to, and the best bit…they are paid to listen with no judgement. I consider them personal trainers for the mind.

‘In the process of letting go you will lose many things from the past, but you will find yourself.’ Deepak Chopra

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Another method which I believe in, is release work through writing. Write what you want to get out from within you, down. Get it out of your mind. There is enough happening in your beautiful life to think about, the added stress/resentment/anger is NOT welcome.

“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.”   Steve Maraboli

Are you ready to stop living the past? Are you ready to enjoy today? Hope for tomorrow? (If I can do it, you can definitely do it). What are you holding on to that no longer deserves space?

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Love & light, Charlie x.

As a lover of the arts and all things creative, one of my favourite artists India Arie, has the perfect song, ‘Get it Together’ for any type of release work.

‘I think its about forgiveness’ India Arie, the heart of the matter.

As for me, I am free from old feelings, resentments and blame and…

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