Your inner shadow; own it.

I love books, I’m a nerd and I’m proud. Sometimes when I experience disappointment from the world around me, one fo my fave go to places is the public library. I normally have 3 on the go; nutrition or business, personal development and a silly romance novel {my mind turn off time} I’m currently reading ‘The Tools’ by Phil Stutz & Barry Michels. A book with techniques {they claim life changing} to unlock your true potential. I’ve just read chapter 4, find confidence and inner authority. The tool: inner authority. The higher force: the force of self expression.

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‘Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.’ Carl Gustav Jung

This resonated with me as the thought or knowledge of an inner ‘shadow’ is not new to me (also known as our alter ego). In fact it was brought up many years ago when I suffered depression and saw a psychologist weekly (if you are going through a difficult time, I highly promote seeing a professional, as someone to talk to with no judgement, what I call, a personal trainer for the mind).

I remember she asked me to imagine myself as a child (I had a not so great childhood and held onto alot, particulary playing the victim). To then take one seat, as if I were my father and say the words I wanted to hear from him; ‘I’m proud of you, I will always love you’. To repeat the exercise in a different chair speaking words I longed to hear from my mother; ‘I will always be here for you, I will look after you & guide you, I love you’. Then to finally repeat as my 25 year old self speaking to the younger version I brought up {the gangly, awkward, even ‘ugly’, nobody loves me teenager}. To simply say; ‘I love you, I will always look after you, you will grow up and be able to change everything, just do the best you can every day to be a good person, I will always be here for you’. Yes, if you can imagine this was an emotional experience, even now remembering this powerful conversation brings tears to my eyes {of acknowledgement & genuine thanks for the confronting work I did to release & let go}.

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‘The only person who can pull me down is myself, and I’m not going to let myself pull me down anymore.’ C. JoyBell C.

Now, reading this book it brings back the thought of the shadow, our inner versions of ourselves, the way we see ourselves. It’s different for all of us. For me my shadow will always be around the age of ten {uh I had a mullet…thanks mum}, my parents broke up, which I thought was my fault, I was thrown between schools yearly, between them. If I would act out id be packed up and delivered to the doorstep of the other. This happened yearly. Due to moving about and poor people skills I wasn’t very popular, yet I would have done anything to be in the popular group {this led to many ‘bad’ situations involving alcohol, boys and disrespect to my parents} So this is my shadow, unlovable, a failure, unwanted, never good enough. I crave stability, a sense of ‘home’.

We all have one, yours may be different. Reading today has brought to life the work I did to face these internal inferiority fears. The fears of judgement, of insecurity.

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A reminder to work with my inner self, to cultivate that sense of self-trust and self-love, compassion for my own need of love. To act with my best intention; eating healthy, exercising, choosing positive affirmations…these are a way that I can show respect to my ten year old scared self, my shadow.

To accept myself.

I believe this is the most powerful lesson I am learning; acceptance, of who I am. That my past does not define me, that it’s ok to feel insecurities, BUT I LOVE YOU {me}, that I’ve for my own back (and my shadows back). I can take care of myself.

‘What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
’ Ralph Waldo Emerson

The book states that when you become one with all aspects of yourself…this is a higher force, you can speak without fear, express yourself as who you truly are. Wouldn’t that be an amazing way to live?

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‘The way you communicate, especially the emotion you express, is more important than the words you use. When you speak without emotion, you can’t have enough impact on others to form a connection.’ Excerpt.

I believe everything comes to is as we need it, the same with books. Because to be honest, and I just expressed my inner fears yesterday, with my business progressing the way it rapidly is…I’m scared (natural inner shadow acting). Fear of failing, of inability to comprehend and manage this huge potential… But then, using the tools in this book, previous counselling advice…it all comes back to me…to be able to say ‘I’ve got this’, ‘I believe in you’, ‘I love you’… Creating a sense of unity within myself, I’ve got my own back. Picking this book up was exactly what I needed in this moment.

‘My willingness to be intimate with my own deep feelings creates the space for intimacy with another.’ Shakti Gawain

Do you have an inner shadow? (The book states we all do) How do you let your own self image control you? Do you feel insecure, nervous? Do you freeze when public speaking? Tell your shadow everything will be ok. Shadows generally derive from our younger years. A small child being told she is unlovable will generally believe this to be true…and this will stay with you as an internal belief. My shadow believes I am unlovable, therefore I have to do the work every day to create love in my life, self love. You have to do the work.

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Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you.  ~Maori Proverb

Learn to acknowledge this secret part of yourself, to just say its ok (yes, I love my positive affirmations…they work!).

Love & light, Charlie x.

Learn to love the beautiful creation that you are, accept your past and make today truly gorgeous day. This is freedom.

The Perfect Match

We are told…anything you want, you can have. In the world of dating is this true? Is there a number/rating match that determines who should be with who?

consciously or not we find ourselves physically drawn to good looking people, obviously this is due to our pheromones, our sexual desire, but it also goes deeper within us as an integral need and desire for healthy, strong, beautiful children.

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Women are attracted to strong men. This creates the feeling of safety and protection. To feel feminine, we require a man who is masculine, dominant than ourselves.

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Men are drawn to kind, loving women, these characteristics provide the basics of creating a good home.

When it comes to physical attraction, is there a like attracts like system? For example, does a man who works out, with a 6 pack, takes his health seriously, find a girl that does the same attractive? Or is it better to be from separate worlds? Some research shows you should look for someone who does what you do.

If one person in the relationship is fitness/image orientated, is the other required to be also? Or are we ‘allowed’ as such to put on the baby love few kilos, you know at the beginning when all you do is eat, spend time in bed, eat, drink wine, spend time in bed…

Must you have the same interests, the same music tastes, the same ideals? What traits are ok to compromise, and what isnt? Would you rather be with someone rather than no one? (If the answer is yes here, perhaps you need to spend some time cultivating self love and learning to be ok in your own company).

‘When you stop trying to find the right man and start becoming the right woman, the right man will find his way to you.’ Cher

How can you find your perfect match? How alike can you be and how different can your interests be?

‘You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover’s arms can only come later when you’re sure they won’t laugh if you trip. ‘ Jonathan Carroll, “Outside the Dog Museum”

I remember a time when a friend of mine kept a ‘list’, in fact researching this post I’ve found this same advice numerous times. This list was composed of qualities that she wanted in a man, some article from some women’s magazine had advised to keep this list under your pillow at night (as if you could dream your perfect man into reality). Does this work?

Now, I do have to disagree with this as whilst I am one for creating lists (goals, to-do etc), Im unsure about creating a ‘perfect man/woman’ list. What happens if the person you meet fails to tick a box? Because they don’t pass the list 100% does that mean they aren’t worthy of investing your time?

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‘Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction.’ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry,Wind, Sand and Stars, 1939, translated from French by Lewis Galantière

What are we prepared to compromise in order to find our true loves? Are you prepare to look beyond your traditional type? (For me the typical, tall dark nad handsome makes my heart flutter 🙂

I know alot of women (myself included) who have the tendency to always go for the ‘bad;’ guy, you know the one with no respect, no care or appreciation of who you are, your time, or the things you do, and always end up getting hurt, therefore making statements like ‘i just want a nice guy’. When the ‘nice/good’ guy comes around, they either get bored or friend zone him and chase the guy that didn’t want them and treated them badly (because they are addicted to the drama, I speak from previous experience).

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‘Do I love you because you’re beautiful,
Or are you beautiful because I love you?
~Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein II, Cinderella

This is one fact I know for sure, that when you develop feelings and fall in love with someone, everything they do, everything they are is beautiful. Because you fall in love with who they are, their soul.

I would love to hear your thoughts, please comment or feel free to email me charlie@charliedehaas.com.au

Are you in a like/like relationship? Are you in an opposite/opposite relationship? Let me know, as a single girl in the city, following my dreams, the dating world intrigues me 🙂

Love & light, Charlie x.

{As for me, I do believe the appropriate quote is true}

‘Mr. Right’s coming, but he’s in Africa and he’s walking!’ Unknown Author

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Thirty, flirty & fabulous…

So they say…In only a few days time I will turn the big three zero.

I cannot even begin to understand the emotions Im feeling, overwhelming excitement, nervous anxiety, anticipation and I must admit, slightly concerned.

‘Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. it means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.” Unknown

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I know for a fact that I am not the only person to give themsevles the ’30 yr’ deadline; it goes somehting like this…Marriage, house & kids.

Hmm.

As I reevaluate my life (and not to much will change in the next few days) I will be 100% (just for emphasis) single, renting and with no dependants (however I do refer to my book as my baby/coming SO soon).

Now, please do not mistake me, I am more than 100% in love with my life (even the challenges that are arising), I just wanted to express my confusion about the mixed feelings I am experiencing and explore why we put so much pressure on ourselves to obtain certain things and even worse on a deadline.

‘Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, or worn. It is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace & gratitude.” Denis Waitley

When we are little we envision our lives to be something out of a fairy tale (yes, I blame disney for my high standards and hopeless romantic status). We expect to get the career we want, to move swiftly through promotions, to meet the man (or woman) we dream of, complete with the fairytale wedding and then move into our dream house and have gorgeous children.

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We give ourselves a timeling of 30.

By 30 all of these wonderful things should have happened to us. But what if they havent yet? What our truly gorgeous younger selves forget to realise is that in between all of those goals/fantasies…life happens.

Also, as we become more driven to succeed, 30 is the year of fabulous, you know just enough to know what you want, have developed a sense of self, and most likely are living or beginning your dream career. Times have changed.

‘Accept responsibility for your life. Know that it is you who will get you where you want to go, no one else.’ Les Brown

 

Life, something we can take for granted; we rush through it waiting to achieve the next goal or attain the next social status or level of achievement. Life is beautiful, in this very moment, all the good and the bad. Does it really matter if you dont drive the latest range Rover? Wear the latest Lululemon? Or have a thigh gap? No, these things are only material and do not last the test that is time. People will remember  how you make them feel, how they enjoy or dislike your company.

‘A beautiful woman with a good heart can never be ugly’.

So as Im finalising my book release (I can honestly say this has caused some nerves, anxiety and sleepless nights), Im trying to keep focused on everything wonderful that I have created in my life. I am reflecting about what I have been, what I have done but only from a place of re-evaluation. At 30, its time for me to put some goals together for the next few years, for a goal is a dream with a deadline.

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I actually believe with every essence of my being that 30 will be one of my best years yet. 28 was good, 29 has been pretty amazing. I will believe and I will create an even better year (with some more wisdom). Today, I am planting the seeds for my tomorrows, for the beautiful life that is my dream to develop & grow, to flourish. Every day I am prepared to do the work (even when I dont feel like it); the positive affirmations; healthy eating; yoga practice; to stop the negative self talk. These healthy habits are like water for the positive seeds in my life.

‘He who is of calm and happy nature will hardly feel the pressure of age, but to him who is of an opposite disposition youth and age are equally a burden.’ Plato

So whilst Im far from married etc, I am commited to my business goal, to inspire and motivate others, to become the very best version of myself. I cannot begin to express my sincere gratitude to everyone who has helped me get to where I am today.

As always with my writing, I am not here to say my thoughts are the right or wrong way, they are simply expressions of my thoughts, of the world I live in. My life is not perfect, but I am dedicated to achieving my dreams and I know that even in this very moment, with every opportunity that is presented and with my current problems that require solving…I am exactly where I should be. Every challenge is an opportunity for me to prove just how much I want it (my dream, to share love & inspire).

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‘Everything negative – pressure, challenges – is all an opportunity for me to rise.’Kobe Bryant

I couldnt ask to be in a better place in my life right now. I am so thankful for everything that has occurred (many good and many not so good things) to lead me here; this place that I can honestly say is happiness.

Relax on the pressure and just enjoy life.

Love & light, Charlie x.

Addicted to success {I determine success as loving what you do, being happy with life and being at peace with yourself}

{Only a few more days until Live a life you Love; a guide to living your life well is released!!!}

 

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Your life, your responsibility.

Many people know what they want yet have no idea to get there. Many aren’t prepared to take action towards their goals. Whilst others aren’t sure what their goals are.

‘The greatest day in your life and mine is when we take total responsibility for our attitudes. That’s the day we truly grow up.’ John c. Maxwell

 

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What is it that you really want from life? If you could change anything in the life that you are living now, what would it be?

If you want something, do everything you possibly can to make it happen. Take action. Daily. Consciously. Make a change today.

You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.’ Abraham Lincoln

Find your goal and make a plan. Other people can’t achieve your goal for you it’s yours. Make decisions about achieving your goal then give it your all, your mind, body & soul. Dedicate your heart to your passion and achieving it. You can create your dream reality, if you focus. Energy goes where intention flows.

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Stop playing the victim and giving other people the power to change your life. And stop waiting for other people to make your life better, or make your dreams come true. You are the only one who can change your life.

You can choose to be happy, just as you can choose to be unhappy.

‘One reason so few of us achieve what we truly want is that we never direct our focus; we never concentrate our power. Most people dabble their way through life, never deciding to master anything in particular.’ Tony Robbins

Whatever happens, if it works, if it doesn’t, if you make mistakes… IT DOESNT MATTER. Mistakes are proof that you are trying. If you truly want to make a change realise that you can, believe in the beauty of your capabilities and make it happen. It wont be easy but it will be worth it.  Be prepared to learn, to grow and develop in your life. Be flexible, allow your direction to change as your life does.

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‘It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light. Aristotle Onassis

As I’m learning about business and working for yourself, I have realised I’ve been asking a lot of my friendships and from the people in my life, in terms of support and connections. I realised this when I was  experiencing a feeling of disappointment and being ‘let down’. I had to stop to think about where these emotions were coming from, what was occurring at the time and how much was I depending on other people to do the work for me? I soon realised, I had become dependant. I was utilising my support system as foundations of my business (rather then my internal strength) when they should simply be supporting structures (of a building, not 100% on this terminology, but Im sure you understand what I mean). My lesson, don’t rely on other people to do the work for you, they have their own lives to keep their focus on and no one can do what you do the way you do it.

1468706_10152113662923619_1138440331_nOne’s philosophy is not best expressed in words; it is expressed in the choices one makes… and the choices we make are ultimately our responsibility.’ Eleanor Roosevelt

Goals are dreams with a deadline. Consciously plant the positive seeds in your mind to support the beautiful garden of your mind. Plant seeds of strength. Belief. Faith. Realise what it is you dream of becoming, the life you dream of living then strive to succeed with perseverance and determination.

Dont just live your life, design a life you love to live.

Love & light, Charlie x.

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When dreams become reality…

I have recently made some life changing decisions, (risks) to follow my dreams.

‘Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.’ Henry David Thoreau

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Time will tell if I am making wise choices, but I wanted to share with you the feeling of when your dreams become reality, when you actually can’t sleep at night because your reality has become your dreams.

I have of course heard this saying before; ‘You know your in love when you cant fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.’ (DR. Seuss)

I’m attributing this overwhelmingly, exciting, anything is possible feeling to the belief that I can do it (and I have to say that when you can create such a surreal feeling through your own actions, the sense of accomplishment and self love is intense).

Regardless of what anyone says.

‘Whether you think you can or think you can’t – you are right.’ Henry Ford

How I’m making it happen for me;

I am a dreamer. I dare to dream, to contemplate the endless possibilities that are available. For without a dream, what is life?

Get advice. Look to motivational successful people who can guide you in the right direction, a business advisor (I have one, hes a little special and I respect him for putting up with ALL of my AMAZING ideas). Invest your time with people who have their own dreams; passion and positivity are contagious.

Take a risk. They say life begins outside of your comfort zone. I can say, I definitely agree. Living on the edge, unsure if my choices will work or not. I have risked everything stable in my life, for this chance of happiness (unstability, business building) and I am feeling happy every day; thankful, grateful…these feelings are priceless.

‘You control your future, your destiny. What you think about comes about. By recording your dreams and goals on paper, you set in motion the process of becoming the person you most want to be. Put your future in good hands – your own.’ Mark Victor Hansen

Be wary of jealousy. People will have their opinions, be wary of the place their decisions are coming from, a place of love? Choose to make your own decisions based on what feels right for you. Do not spend time concerned with what other people will think. (I have definitely been prone to this, scared of ‘who does she think she is’, ‘what is she doing’ remarks/thoughts Im sure other people have). You cannot live your life for other people. Do what makes you feel happy, do what you know to be right.

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‘Consult not your fears but your hopes and your dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what it is still possible for you to do.’ Pop John XXIII

 

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Be prepared to make mistakes. Mistakes are proof that you are trying and NO ONE gets it 100% perfect the first time. Learn from your mistakes, be prepared to re evaluate and change direction if needed. Stop beating yourself up over them (again, I am a perfectionist, so this is definitely a note to self). In fact, to not be perfect can be a good thing in regards to marketing relations & relatability. People will love the fact that you are real. Be yourself. When your chasing your dreams, its your journey and your chance to make mistakes, to learn and become even more amazing than you already are.

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Be present. I am finding that chasing my dreams is the most exciting, exhilarating journey ive been on yet. I get so excited I can’t sleep at night. Be aware of your thoughts, plan effectively and get the things that need to be done today, done (because nobody else will do them). I have always loved writing, and I do advocate ‘to do’ lists; a tool that I am definitely utilising now. Enjoy the uncertainty, enjoy the moment, the planning, the beginning, the decision you make.

Believe in yourself.

Above all else. You are the only who has the power to make your dreams come true. Ask yourself how much do you want it? What are you prepared to sacrifice in order to make them come true? How dedicated are you? How hard are you prepared to work for it?

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You can have anything you want in this world as long as you work hard enough for it.

Love & light, Charlie x.

‘Take pelasure in your dreams; relish your principles and drape your purest feelings on the heart of a precious lover’. Giotto di Bondone