Do women cheat on loyal men?

Yesterday I re blogged an article about why men cheat on loyal woman. I was asked why women cheat on loyal men or if it was a vice versa scenario. So I though I would share my story.

‘Women are made to be loved, not understood.’ Oscar Wilde

rel4

If you have been following my journey to happiness and this place of contentment, this place of actually valuing my life, you may know that I was extremely unwell with depression, suicidal and on high doses
of antidepressants and Valium. During this time I was also a contributor to an extremely unhealthy relationship whilst also breaking up what could have been the best relationship  of my life. Confused? (I was to).

My story.
I met a man, the kind of guy you see and think to yourself, I’m going to marry him. He was everything I had every dreamed I had wanted, tall, dark, handsome and successful. He was charming, sweet, thoughtful…needless to say it only took me about a week to fall for him and lose all sense of myself (not that I really had much sense back then). I was completely head over heals, I thought this man was way out of my league so I did everything I possibly could to keep him.

‘I see when men love women. They give them but a little of their lives. But women when they love give everything.’ Oscar Wilde

rel1

 

I was in love. Until one day within the first 3 months, as a regular occurrence I had stayed at his house. When he left to go to work one morning I did what any self-respecting (insert sarcastic emoticon here) women would do and yup, snooped. It was there in the bedside drawer on what I had claimed as my side there was the essence of another woman, her payslips, her personal items, jewellery and letters she had written to him (from her words and expression of despair, I have to presume that she went through exactly what I was bout to for the next few years).
I felt sick. That uncontrollable… shall I break everything, cry, scream, jump off the balcony, sense of out of control. Instead I went home, and went on a 3 day binge attack (because it’s so good for me to treat myself in such a disrespectful manner because of his actions).
Truth is, I had already known this. His walk in wardrobe was half full of female clothes, that he had claimed to be his sisters while she was away teaching yoga in Bali. (Strange how I was so blind to nod and accept this, I mean who doesn’t let they’re Sister store all her wardrobe, including her intimates, fully set up in their brothers walk in wardrobe when he has a 4 Bedroom house with 2 free rooms?)

‘So many people prefer to live in drama because it’s comfortable. It’s like someone staying in a bad marriage or relationship – it’s actually easier to stay because they know what to expect every day, versus leaving and not knowing what to expect.’ Ellen DeGeneres

rel3

This was only the beginning if something that was one of those relationships that are just ‘bad’.
In one of our many breaks during the 5 years we were together (and the number of ‘other’ women and girlfriends I can’t even count on both hands), I met the man I needed in my life. The one who like yesterday’s post, wanted to be a man for me. He was loyal, kind and caring, he wasn’t perfect, no one is, but he was my best friend he actually cared for me, he loved me for everything that I was.
And all I did was hurt him. Every time my ‘bad’ ex would call with words of I love you, were meant to be together, I would go running back. Repeatedly.

I can hand on my heart say I never physically cheated as my ‘good’ ex claimed. However I was guilty of the I love you messages, the thoughts, it was not my body, but my heart that betrayed him, and me.

rel5

 
Perhaps this doesn’t answer why women cheat on loyal men, but what I believe is that similar to yesterday, it is not a women who cheats, simply a girl who has not yet discovered who she is and is looking for a
Mans/boys attention to justify her presence. Without his words of ‘your beautiful’, she has not yet found a sense of what beauty really is, without his fake sense of support, she does not yet know how to support herself.
A girl is an addict to drama. A women looks for stability.
I have been honest in my journey to this place I call happiness. I wasn’t a nice person, I had no care for myself or anyone around me, I hurt the person who loved me the most. But mostly I hurt myself.

‘You don’t develop courage by being happy in your relationships everyday. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity.’ Epicurus

Sometimes you have to go through the darkness to be able to appreciate the light.

It is from these times in my life that I am now grateful for every moment I live. Every moment that is ok, because I realise that life doesn’t have to be love and hate, it doesn’t have to be the high and the low (my bad relationship was flying, then sinking). It can be ok, and that’s ok. For even something as small as the opportunity to get up and exercise, to nourish myself with a green juice, to say a kind word to a stranger…these are the little things that are the highlights of my daily life that I appreciate. (I used to take all these things for granted). There is something to be thankful for in every day.

rel2

‘Falling in love and having a relationship are two different things.’ Keanu Reeves

So, I don’t believe women cheat, no one with a sense of self-respect does. If you are in a relationship or
Situation that is ‘bad’ or condones Cheating, my simple suggestion is just get out. The longer you stay the more of your valuable time you are wasting. And time is the most priceless of all.

Love & light, Charlie x.

Please note these are my simple thoughts about my own life and those around me. I don’t claim to be right or wrong, nor judgemental and I am definitely no angel, however I have been in these situations. I am grateful for my past and the person I was because it gives me the opportunity to be better.

And that’s all I’m doing, every day trying to be better than who I was yesterday

The power of selfless love…

I read this recently and truly felt my heart warm, I thought ‘wow’.

Imagine if more people could begin to understand the power that is self less love, of giving without expecting but being rewarded in ways that you could never dream of?

‘True love is selfless. It is prepared to sacrifice.’ Sadhu Vaswani

 

 

tumblr_mwfel920RY1rlzhx6o1_500.jpg

 

“My wife got sick.  She was constantly nervous because of problems at work, personal life, her failures and problems with children. 

She has lost 30 pounds and weighed about 90 pounds in her 35 years. She got very skinny, and was constantly crying. She was not a happy woman. She had suffered from continuing headaches, heart pain and jammed nerves in her back and ribs.

She did not sleep well, falling asleep only in the morning and got tired very quickly during the day. Our relationship was on the verge of break up. 

Her beauty was leaving her somewhere, she had bags under her eyes, she was poking her head, and stopped taking care of herself. She refused to shoot the films and rejected any role. 

I lost hope and thought that we’ll get divorced soon…But then I decided to act on it. 
After all I’ve got the most beautiful woman on the earth. 

She is the idol of more than half of men and women on earth, and I was the one allowed to fall asleep next to her and to hug her shoulders.

I began to pamper her with flowers, kisses and compliments. I surprised her and pleased her every minute. I gave her lots of gifts and lived just for her. I spoke in public only about her. I incorporated all themes in her direction. I praised her in front of her own and our mutual friends.

You won’t believe it, but she blossomed. She became even better than before. She gained weight, was no longer nervous and she loved me even more than ever. I had no clue that she CAN love that much. And then I realized one thing: The woman is the reflection of her man. If you love her to the point of madness, she will become it.“           

– Brad Pitt

 

A lesson for us all, appreciate what you have right now, be grateful and spend time developing, loving and nourishing it {career, love, family and friends}

Love & light, Charlie x.

‘Only those who have learned the power of sincere and selfless contribution experience life’s deepest joy: true fulfillment.’ Tony Robbins

 

The Backup Plan

Perhaps you have seen the movie, Jennifer Lopez plays a single woman that takes her situation into her own hands and opts for the service of a sperm bank, it is then she meets the man of her dreams.

‘Ever since happiness heard your name, its been running through the streets trying to find you.’ Hafiz

 

67847_10152138437818619_676835732_n

My back up plan is a little different, it’s as simple as a friend and I decided that by the time I turned 30, if there were no prospects, we would be together, get married, have a house with a white picket fence (well actually a farm with acres of rolling green grass).

As I’m approaching 30, I’m experiencing mixed emotions about it; positive and negative, but I was reminded about my back up plan.

Back up plans, are they good? It is quite comical really. My backup plan was made with a man who I had thought was the most amazing (ever and yes I do tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and fall head first into the men I actually like a lot) man who was perfect for me, a few years ago. At the time we dated, we were young, both only beginning to completely know ourselves. We weren’t ready to settle. Throughout the years of our friendship there have been numerous fun times and moments; family gatherings (my family still harass me about him today), so we decided to create our own back up plan. At a time we thought we would be ready (30, when your younger you expect to have your whole life planned by the time you are), if we were both free, we would choose to be together and create a life.

1452401_10152138440833619_761924456_n-2

I realise now that we created this back up plan as a way to ease our insecurity and offer both of us some form of protection, no matter what happened we would have each other. We offered each other a sense of security.

‘The dreams that you hold for your future are what you dream about at night. Theyre always at the back of your mind. Theyre what your heart desires. They keep you going. Accept reality and have a backup plan, but always follow your dreams no matter what.’

1476684_10152138443493619_224272398_n

To be someones ‘back up’ plan, could be seen as putting yourself as someones option, or even as a second choice in a derogatory manner. However, from my experience (only the 1), we built our back up plan on a friendship, with mutual trust, respect and love (I do consider myself extremely lucky). The plan was all made in fun, Im not sure we were serious, but the sense of security and of true friendship I gained was priceless, for that I will always be grateful to him.

“The most valuable gift you can receive is an honest friend.” Stephen Richards

To be lonely and alone is one of the greatest fears of many in this world. Especially as we begin to see failed marriages, divorces, and bad relationships surrounding us. I mean, I could count on one hand the number of truly, madly, deeply, head over heals, unconditional love, types of relationships I know (and the people who are in them are just amazing).

‘Loneliness is my least favorite thing about life. The thing that I’m most worried about is just being alone without anybody to care for or someone who will care for me.’ Anne Hathaway

When it’s not acceptable to be a ‘backup’; if he/she keeps you waiting, playing with your emotions and treats you disrespectfully.

This is not a backup plan, he/she is keeping you as an option in case anything better comes along, but you’ll do in the mean time. Do not allow yourself to be someones option, second choice or time filler. You are an amazing, gorgeous creation and you deserve the very best, set yourself some standards.

1463931_10152138439528619_1113725158_n

Now as the big 3 0 is approaching, rapidly, I may need to ask for an extension on our plan …whilst I am free, my passion, time and energy needs to be directed to creating my dream reality. Lets hope he agrees or I’ll be looking for a new one 😉

“Freedom is not the absence of commitments, but the ability to choose — and commit myself to — what is best for me.” ―Paulo Coelho

Hopefully I can continue my search for truly madly, passionate all-consuming love that as the hopeless romantic that I am, do believe is out there for me.

Love & light, Charlie x.

1488279_10152138449183619_1058825893_n

Do you have a back up plan?

I would love to hear about it! Comment or email me charlie@charliedehaas.com.au

Givers & Takers…

In our lifetime we meet many different types of people; some good, some bad, lovers, haters, givers and takers.

“It’s not how much we give but how much love we put into giving.” Mother Theresa

Are you a giver or a taker?

   We-make-a-living-by-what-we-get-we-make-a-life-by-what-we-give-Picture-quote-by-Winston-Churchill

Do you consistently give to people with no regard to getting back, just giving to share knowledge, assistance? Perhaps giving comes naturally to you. Do you put others peoples needs & wants before your own? Are you willing and eager to freely give?

Are you a taker? Naturally people give to you and you take consistently  with or without realising? The scales of reciprocity tilt in your favour. You naturally put your own needs and interests before those of others.

‘For it is in giving that we receive’ St. Francis of Assisi


Give-Quotes-Quote-on-Giving-Back-Ways-to-Give-Something-Back-Community-We-rise-by-lifting-others

As a curious soul I find it intriguing to observe not only my relationships, but those around me.

A simple observation I have found is that those who wear their heart on their selves who give 100% selflessly (in psychology studies, referred to as a ‘nice’ person) do tend to get a little hurt. Whilst takers who were perhaps once givers but got burnt in the process tend to have their heart retracted in a safety zone, taking more from those around them.

“The belief that unhappiness is selfless and happiness is selfish is misguided. It’s more selfless to act happy. It takes energy, generosity, and discipline to be unfailingly lighthearted, yet everyone takes the happy person for granted. No one is careful of his feelings or tries to keep his spirits high. He seems self-sufficient; he becomes a cushion for others. And because happiness seems unforced, that person usually gets no credit.”  Gretchen Rubin, the Happiness Project

Do you see society as a cut throat competition (taker behaviour)? Do you resist giving or helping others in dread of their success over riding yours? Takers generally feel that they need to value their own self worth by being better than others. This includes self promotion and claiming credit for every effort. Givers generally give in order to ‘be liked’ and approved of by others.

558951_10152075470268619_780862120_n

I do believe that there is enough love, success and happiness for everyone in the world. Whatever it is you want, be more of that. If you want love, be loving & give love. If you want kindness, be kind & practise acts of kindness. If you want respect, be respectful & act with a manner of integrity that deserves respect.

You see, whatever it is that you want, be more of that and GIVE more. The more that you give the more you will receive, this is the natural cycle of karma and the universe.

Today instead if taking what you think is rightfully yours, drop your expectations and just give more.

‘You give but little when you give your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give’. Kahlil Gibran

 

1424347_10152075471413619_713629772_n-1

 

One of my business mottos (and yes sometimes it gets hard, I do have to constantly remind myself); you will get everything you want if you help enough others get what they want. (Zig Ziglar)

Wear your heart on your sleeve…be open to whatever comes next.

‘A kind gesture can reach a wound that only compassion can heal’. Steve Maraboli

Love & light, Charlie x.

Dedicating thankful thursday to giving a little more love to everyone around me.

1395992_10152075480328619_68534096_n

Online dating…bad or fab?

After spending sometime complaining that there were NO good men, miserably to my girlfriends  (perhaps on several occasions), I was recommended to try online dating.

IMG_5755

Hmm…did that mean I was ‘desperate’? The very thought of putting yourself online for people to pick and choose definitely stimulated those feelings, whilst also fear, insecurity yet intrigue.

Backed by the courage of a girlfriend (she had to do it to), we made our (sell yourself, I mean how are you supposed to put down in words how amazing you are 🙂 profiles.

‘No matter how attractive a persons potential may be, you have to date their reality’ Mandy Hale

IMG_5742

After a few random messages backwards & forwards, I met a few for coffee dates (I am actually shy and you will never see me on a dinner first date even the thought terrifies me), actually 7 in 1 week (when I decide to do something…).

From the guy who just wanted to get drunk and perhaps ‘fall’ into bed together (and he was one if the cuter ones), to the guy who decided to turn up half an hr late and eat a big breakfast (at 3.30pm) in front of me whilst I was in a juice cleanse (we were meeting for coffee/green tea)… I would have to say my experience is something I won’t be doing again.

‘Smart women love smart men more than smart men love smart women.’ Natalie Portman

IMG_5734

The thing is, and I’m sure some people have honest reasons for going online (like myself), but with no background history, or really common ground you have no idea what he/she is actually after (if you get what I mean).

‘When a man goes on a date, he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows.’ Frederick Ryder

Of course there are success stories, the ones you see on their tv adverts, but in real life? Well, I am happy to admit that rather than invest my time in a whole lot of meaningless conversation with people who generally don’t even look like their pictures (this happened 90% of the time, once I actually wanted to just turn around and pretend I hadn’t shown up, rather than spend my time fake chatting), I would rather leave it to fate and let it happen organically (may take a little longer than normal when you don’t spend your weekends bar hopping or in clubs).

IMG_5563

 

‘Single by choice, just not my choice’ The best exotic marigold hotel.

My advice, if you are preparing to take a chance and go online, be sure that you are ready. Sure, you have to put yourself out there as the saying goes but sometimes meeting so many of ‘not the right’ one can be just as depressing as not meeting anyone.

I mean, in the words of Louise Hay, everything we need will come to us at the right time.

‘Ive been dating since I was 15, Im exhausted, where is he?’ Charlotte, Sex and the City

Believe it. If you want more love in your life, be more loving. If you want more horizontal cardio, go online.

In saying that, I have just joined the latest online revolution, Tinder and it is proving amusing, I’ll write follow-up next week after a few dates (first one is today).

The best thing; just have a giggle, have fun and dont take it all so seriously, after all its called the dating GAME.

IMG_2477

(Its ok to) Feel your heart hurt.

Sometimes I feel a sense of being on edge, of something missing.

‘I do believe that if you haven’t learnt about sadness, you cannot appreciate happiness.’ Nana Mouskouri

For those that follow my Blog, you may know that I am not only on a journey to finding myself & living a better life but I am trying to repair a broken heart.

1451390_10152065978368619_184048547_n

Every day has been and is a step in the right direction, but I realised I’ve been moving so fast, I haven’t taken any time to truly feel the emotions; hurt, pain and a little sadness, that are still within me.

It takes time to truly mend, for the pieces to be put back together. It’s fine to continue living your life and move on, obviously this is the way to move forward. However it’s also important sometimes to stop and allow yourself to feel. To just experience what is going on inside.

“You’ve gotta dance like there’s nobody watching,
Love like you’ll never be hurt,
Sing like there’s nobody listening,
And live like it’s heaven on earth.”  William W. Purkey

1385757_10152065977658619_1193923733_n

Whatever or whoever it was will be a part of your life. For me 5 years, a fake engagement and countless other woman is not something I can just put away in a locked compartment of my mind and heart never to be revisited. For you see, broken relationships and situations have something to teach you and this lesson cannot be learned over night. As difficult as it may be to accept, but it is a part of you, however it does not define you.

With another recent ‘didn’t quite turn out the way I wanted’ dating experience, I was feeling a little low.

1452395_10152066057328619_2028444767_n

So rather than running from these not ‘bad’ but lower feelings I decided I needed a good Movie, my comfiest pyjamas and a good cry (yes a glass of some reservatrol/Merlot was required). I needed a release, and I feel so much better for it. I revisited my past for a fleeting moment; I felt the pain of everything that I went through like it was yesterday, but it was also more like I was watching a sad movie, viewing it form a different place in my life. I am no longer that person, I didn’t have to feel the guilt or the blame, the ‘I wasnt good enough’ feelings. I was able to reflect on everything that happened nad understand that that was what was, then, not now. I have been able to grow from it, sure its taken a long time, but to see the light sometimes we need to be in the dark.

For years I have run away from these types of feelings; sadness, depression, loneliness, but I’m here to say, that they are perfectly normal. For everyone. Just accept them, acknowledge them, and continue along your beautiful way.

 

‘My faith helps me overcome such negative emotions and find my equilibrium.’ Dalai Lama

And it’s perfectly Ok to accept these feelings, let them go and then move on. In fact it’s much better in the long-term of releasing and letting go that you do find ways to explore these feelings.

‘You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well.’ Lewis B. Smedes

Now, I’m not promoting that you sit at home and wallow, because you are to gorgeous to be hidden away from the world and who knows your prince just may be around the corner looking for you. Obviously the fresher the situation the more feelings you will need to express, but as time goes on it will be me less and less as the hurt weakens and your heart strengths (believe me).

And it will, every day.

Sunday Self love; allow yourself to feel.

Love & light, Charlie x.

1424363_10152065977428619_465408975_n

The ‘C’ word; Commitment

Commitment, a word so many of us seem to have become fearful of, even creating commitment phobia; the fear of commitment.

‘Commitment is an act, not a word.’ Jean-Paul Sartre

IMG_1995

I wanted to write about this as it is such a huge term thrown around loosely in our society. Dating; there are people who are always in relationships who fear being alone, and then the opposite people who never seem to let anyone to close or commit, fear of commitment.

What does making a commitment mean? Why do we make it such a big word? (Yes, I include myself in this).

Commitment isn’t  really such a big thing, either you make a commitment or you don’t, its simply doing what you say you will do.

Sounds so simple.

Yet so often (even if it is as simple as that), are we failing, failing to make a commitment and keep it.

I’m writing about this in every life sense; relationships: lovers, family, friends. Life; Career, health.

IMG_0106If you were only as good as your word how good would you be?

When we make a commitment to someone or something it means that we will do exactly what it is we have said we would and do whatever it takes to achieve the result you made the commitment for in the first place. No matter what happens.

Relationships; commit to create a loving happy environment for each person to develop and grow.

Health; commit to a target or goal to achieve as something to adhere to.

Career; commit to be the best version of yourself.

IMG_1989

‘The quality of a person’s life is in direct proportion to their commitment to excellence, regardless of their chosen field of endeavor.’ Vince Lombardi

What about a commitment to yourself? That you will only ever be the very best you can, with the very best people and not allow yourself to be tolerant of anything less?

Why are we scared of commitment? I have found from speaking with numerous people, in/out and in between relationships, that the ‘c’ word carries a certain level of threat, a sense of entrapment, a loss of your freedom. In the world we live in, we are told we can have anything, be anyone, is this part of the reason people are failing to commit, in hope of something better, after all we are always told, not to settle.

Is this the way it should be? Again I am no expert, in fact I would easily say I have a fear of letting anyone get to close, but I would hope that in times of evaluating a commitment, especially in a relationship that the person you were creating it with, that person wouldn’t want to take away your freedom, or create a sense of entrapment. After all you are the person you are because of all the things you do, the way that you do them. Unique.

Relationships that are ‘traps’ or something rather than nothing don’t have the longevity or level of commitment required to develop something truly wonderful.

“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans’. Peter F. Drucker

What about commitments to our friends? We make these every day without realising, a social date, dinner date, green tea, walk in the park. Take a moment now to evaluate how many plans you make, and how many actually happen?

I’m not sure if this is the fast paced life of a Sydneysider (were always, always busy), but I do know that it is incredibly frustrating when you are the friend that is cancelled on.

When we think about committing to plans, think for a moment, the other person, your friend, your lover, who you love, respect and care about, is making time out of their own busy schedule for you, to be in your company  and enjoy all the magical things that friends/lovers do (generally making your world a better place).

What type of love and respect are you showing by cancelling?

Why commit to the plans in the first place? It’s easy to say yes, I’ll be there. But the real respect and trust comes from actually showing up. Especially for special events. Sometimes its important to contemplate the importance of something in your friend/lovers life that may have no importance to you. If it means the world to them, be there. Simple.

IMG_2554

Desire is the key to motivation, but it’s determination and commitment to an unrelenting pursuit of your goal – a commitment to excellence – that will enable you to attain the success you seek.’ Mario Andretti

We have relationships and friendships with people in our life who we want to spend our time with, people who (should) make us feel better, people who we want to enjoy the journey of life with including the ups and the downs.

Are you a commitment phobe? Think about why?

I would classify myself as slightly scared of commitment, I know for myself, I am still healing my heart, and I am developing self-love inside myself, before I can start to contemplate a relationship. I’ve also noticed from my personal experience, I like my life the way it is, (actually head over heals in love with it) and from previous relationships, all I know is that they have the power to disrupt and ruin everything (I have made very unwise decisions in the past). So for myself; as guarded as that may sound, I’m taking a little time to work on myself, my trust issues and I’m happy to do so.

You don’t always need to be with someone to be ok. The secret is, you already always have someone, yourself.

So today, when you make a commitment however big or small, to whatever aspect, contemplate firstly if you have any intention of going through with it. If not, just say no, people respect honesty (much more than a last-minute cancellation)

‘An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises’. Mae West.

Todays commitment (actually week); it’s not a treat if it’s every day – committing to be fit. (The C word, not such a big deal after all).

Love & light, Charlie x

IMG_4229

Your Relationship; toxic?

Toxic; something that deflects life, energy and is no good for you.

I was recently asked by a friend for some advice about how to distance herself, break and get over a bad relationship. A relationship she felt she had lost herself to, and was now causing her Emotional trauma.

date3

When asked by this person, someone I thought had a strong sense of self, a strong sense of being, I began to contemplate; how does this happen, to the best and worst of us all? We get stuck in relationships that are detrimental to our health in the name of love?

Surely this is the opposite of love? And how do we allow ourselves to become lost? What an interesting contemplation.

‘Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: theyre trying to find someone whos going ti make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.’ Anthony Robbins


IMG_0600

But it does happen. It happened to me. I was always chasing the thought of being married to the love of my Life (by 30, just to add extra pressure), chasing the thought that love from another would complete me. In fact, in this love I refer to, I did the opposite I lost myself, completely. All for the hope of one today becoming his wife and the sense of security I thought being that would mean; always having someone there.

Relationships based on obligation lack dignity. Wayne Dyer

Now, when I reflect it wasn’t him at all, it was the sense of security I thought being in a relationship portrayed; of having someone always there, a hand to hold, a shoulder to lean on and of course someone to always love. It can be confronting to think about your relationship in such a manner, bringing up negative thoughts and emotions, but if you are feeling a sense of being unworthy, of feeling lost, contemplating if this is right…I suggest you take a moment and ask yourself the difficult questions (for in your heart you already know the answer).

If you are afraid to be yourself; the relationship isn’t good for you.

If you feel you aren’t good enough; the relationship isn’t the best one for you.

If you feel you are always wrong; the relationship probably isn’t right for you.

 

Dont you want to be in a relationship you can be your true self? encouraged to grow and develop into the amazing person you want to be? In a relationship that is supporting and nourishing, where you treat each other with a minimum level of respect?

Stop letting people who do so little for you control so much of your mind, feelings and emotions.’ Will Smith

Now, I can honestly tell you, there is always someone there; yourself, your sense of trust, faith and belief that you can deal with anything this beautiful life offers (you just have to take some time to develop it, like watering seeds ina  garden, self love will grow).

So, from falling in love to being trapped in something we don’t know how to break away from, something were not to sure about that we once were positive this was the best love ever, where does the love go? Our sense of self?

‘Falling in love and having a relationship are two different things.’ Keanu Reeves

Some people choose to be in relationships that they know in their hearts aren’t good, scared of being alone.

A thought…why are you scared of being alone? You always have yourself; are you a person you would want to spend time with? (If yes, excellent, I suggest you start spending some quality time with that gorgeous person, if no; what ways can you grow and develop for yourself?)

Often, when in these relationships we become addicted to the drama, the highs of love and the lows of hate.

‘What fascinates me about addiction and obsessive behavior is that people would choose an altered state of consciousness that’s toxic and ostensibly destroys most aspects of your normal life, because for a brief moment you feel okay.’ Moby

We become people we don’t even recognize in the mirror, acting in ways different to that of our true selves, of our morals and beliefs.

My advice for those that feel they are in one of these difficult relationships, is simply ask yourself is this what I really want? Is this how I should be treated? Is this the right way to treat someone else?

Take some time to fall in love with yourself. The saying, first you must love yourself before you can love someone else is true. If you don’t love yourself, your life, you look to the other person to ‘fix’ those areas. Automatically putting pressure on someone who has no idea of those unseen expectations, and is surely destined to fail.

IMG_0521

Contemplate; if the relationship is causing you drama, emotional trauma and you are no longer being true to yourself, is this the definition of a good relationship? Is this the type of relationship you would be happy for any of your loved ones; family and friends to be in?

We seek advice from others, family, friends, even counsellors (I have seen many and I truly believe they are like a personal trainer for your mind), yet all the answers you need are within you.

a3

Break the addiction. That’s all it really is. Learn to have some self-respect, you are worthy of so much more, but be sure you have more to give. You will be ok on your own, it may take time, practice patience with yourself; good things take time.

Love & light, Charlie x.

Dedicated to a friend I wish I could offer more than my words & love to.

egeretv