Yesterday I re blogged an article about why men cheat on loyal woman. I was asked why women cheat on loyal men or if it was a vice versa scenario. So I though I would share my story.
‘Women are made to be loved, not understood.’ Oscar Wilde
If you have been following my journey to happiness and this place of contentment, this place of actually valuing my life, you may know that I was extremely unwell with depression, suicidal and on high doses
of antidepressants and Valium. During this time I was also a contributor to an extremely unhealthy relationship whilst also breaking up what could have been the best relationship of my life. Confused? (I was to).
I met a man, the kind of guy you see and think to yourself, I’m going to marry him. He was everything I had every dreamed I had wanted, tall, dark, handsome and successful. He was charming, sweet, thoughtful…needless to say it only took me about a week to fall for him and lose all sense of myself (not that I really had much sense back then). I was completely head over heals, I thought this man was way out of my league so I did everything I possibly could to keep him.
‘I see when men love women. They give them but a little of their lives. But women when they love give everything.’ Oscar Wilde
I was in love. Until one day within the first 3 months, as a regular occurrence I had stayed at his house. When he left to go to work one morning I did what any self-respecting (insert sarcastic emoticon here) women would do and yup, snooped. It was there in the bedside drawer on what I had claimed as my side there was the essence of another woman, her payslips, her personal items, jewellery and letters she had written to him (from her words and expression of despair, I have to presume that she went through exactly what I was bout to for the next few years).
I felt sick. That uncontrollable… shall I break everything, cry, scream, jump off the balcony, sense of out of control. Instead I went home, and went on a 3 day binge attack (because it’s so good for me to treat myself in such a disrespectful manner because of his actions).
Truth is, I had already known this. His walk in wardrobe was half full of female clothes, that he had claimed to be his sisters while she was away teaching yoga in Bali. (Strange how I was so blind to nod and accept this, I mean who doesn’t let they’re Sister store all her wardrobe, including her intimates, fully set up in their brothers walk in wardrobe when he has a 4 Bedroom house with 2 free rooms?)
‘So many people prefer to live in drama because it’s comfortable. It’s like someone staying in a bad marriage or relationship – it’s actually easier to stay because they know what to expect every day, versus leaving and not knowing what to expect.’ Ellen DeGeneres
This was only the beginning if something that was one of those relationships that are just ‘bad’.
In one of our many breaks during the 5 years we were together (and the number of ‘other’ women and girlfriends I can’t even count on both hands), I met the man I needed in my life. The one who like yesterday’s post, wanted to be a man for me. He was loyal, kind and caring, he wasn’t perfect, no one is, but he was my best friend he actually cared for me, he loved me for everything that I was.
And all I did was hurt him. Every time my ‘bad’ ex would call with words of I love you, were meant to be together, I would go running back. Repeatedly.
I can hand on my heart say I never physically cheated as my ‘good’ ex claimed. However I was guilty of the I love you messages, the thoughts, it was not my body, but my heart that betrayed him, and me.
Perhaps this doesn’t answer why women cheat on loyal men, but what I believe is that similar to yesterday, it is not a women who cheats, simply a girl who has not yet discovered who she is and is looking for a
Mans/boys attention to justify her presence. Without his words of ‘your beautiful’, she has not yet found a sense of what beauty really is, without his fake sense of support, she does not yet know how to support herself.
A girl is an addict to drama. A women looks for stability.
I have been honest in my journey to this place I call happiness. I wasn’t a nice person, I had no care for myself or anyone around me, I hurt the person who loved me the most. But mostly I hurt myself.
‘You don’t develop courage by being happy in your relationships everyday. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity.’ Epicurus
Sometimes you have to go through the darkness to be able to appreciate the light.
It is from these times in my life that I am now grateful for every moment I live. Every moment that is ok, because I realise that life doesn’t have to be love and hate, it doesn’t have to be the high and the low (my bad relationship was flying, then sinking). It can be ok, and that’s ok. For even something as small as the opportunity to get up and exercise, to nourish myself with a green juice, to say a kind word to a stranger…these are the little things that are the highlights of my daily life that I appreciate. (I used to take all these things for granted). There is something to be thankful for in every day.
‘Falling in love and having a relationship are two different things.’ Keanu Reeves
So, I don’t believe women cheat, no one with a sense of self-respect does. If you are in a relationship or
Situation that is ‘bad’ or condones Cheating, my simple suggestion is just get out. The longer you stay the more of your valuable time you are wasting. And time is the most priceless of all.
Love & light, Charlie x.
Please note these are my simple thoughts about my own life and those around me. I don’t claim to be right or wrong, nor judgemental and I am definitely no angel, however I have been in these situations. I am grateful for my past and the person I was because it gives me the opportunity to be better.
And that’s all I’m doing, every day trying to be better than who I was yesterday