Why all men cheat on loyal women.

I read this today on my morning walk and I thought to myself wow. I had to share.

Repost from Teremity.

 

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When I confessed to my EX’s questioning of my fidelity over a year ago, all she could say was “wow”. She seemed very taken aback by my answer. So today, when I was asked ‘why men cheat’ by a young lady during a Public Speaking event, I was initial hesitant to share the full conversation me and my EX had about her suspicion of my lack of loyalty.

“Can you tell me why all men cheat on loyal Women?” a curly haired PreMed student asked me today, during my public speak to a room full of 300 Women. My response to her question was,

“Males cheat on loyal women to boost their ego. A woman can be perfect for him. Beautiful, career minded, own money, cooks, does whatever he wants her to do in bed, loyal, intelligent, educated, faithful and yet, he will still cheat on her with an ugly, kangaroo looking girl every time. But why?

 

How a male treats a woman is NOT a reflection of HER worth. Nor is it a reflection on anything she LACKS or is not doing. An overly macho, mentally weak, sensitive-minded male knows he does not DESERVE a strong minded woman. In his mind, he thinks one day she will mentally awaken to the realization she deserves better than him & leave him. This is why males cheat on a woman, to have POWER over her. He cheats on her to boost his ego.

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Most “males” are more insecure than women. Notice I referred to a “male” and not a “man”, as there is a distinct difference. Many males have VERY low self esteem. You can tell, that’s why he says, “I only fuck with bad bitches”. He is saying this to convince himself, attempting to drown out his insecurities that are on repeat inside of his own mind.

By cheating on a good woman, it makes a weak minded male feel he has POWER over her. It makes him feel he is worth more than her. A male knows if he cheats on a loyal woman, she will care about him more. Yes, initially she will be shocked a man has the audacity to cheat on her, especially with an UGLY woman. No, not merely “physically” ugly, no. The word UGLY describes the particular amount of compassion, sweetness and being genuine and nurturing the woman he cheats with lacks.

A woman whose loyalty is taken for granted will question herself like:
“what is wrong with me?
Am I not I’m pretty enough?
Is my ass not curvy and fat enough for him?
Is my stomach not slim enough for him?
Is it because I won’t let him bring another girl in the bedroom with us?
Is it my smart mouth?
Is it that I’m always “over emotional” like he complains?
What aren’t I doing right?
Should I do more?”

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Then she will try to stay with him to PROVE to him she is better than the girl he cheated on her with. To prove to herself she can fight for love and can help him by help changing a bad boy into a good man, fooling herself. This is reverse psychology. A weak minded male just got a Good Woman to mentally submit herself to a mentally immature man, purely by cheating on her. Males use cheating to TRICK a good woman into SETTLING for him. But this mind game many males play cannot and will not work on a Loyal woman who knows her WORTH.

I learned as Men, we must realize that ONE woman who holds us down and stays by our side, after we cheat on her, lie to her, hurt her, use her and disrespect her over & over & over, she is NOT loyal. She is WEAK. She is poisonous. She will hold back your growth as a Man. Don’t be fooled & think a girl telling you what you want to hear is loyalty.

As a mentally mature Man, we need a Woman who will be genuine with us at all times, even if that means she speaks her mind to the point her words pierce us and her tone appears to be “smart mouthed”. In reality, she’s not being “smart mouthed’ she’s being a Queen mentality strong enough to verbally ascend to her thrown.

a Loyal, Strong Minded Woman will speak her mind, regardless of what anyone thinks. Tell us the TRUTH. Tell us when we are WRONG. A Loyal woman will not allow us to hurt her multiple times & still accept us. That is NOT loyalty. Not at all. That is Pacifying. Babying. Appeasing.

A Loyal Woman will be loyal to your MANHOOD, not loyal to your EGO. A Loyal Woman will tell us the TRUTH, even if that means she might LOSE us. A Loyal Woman will tell us when our shitstinks, even if it makes us mad. A mentally mature man does not want a YES woman. Trust me. We don’t want a girl who will LET us hurt you and abuse you over & over & still accept us back, simply because you keep being told through Instagram Memes that real love must be suffered through and fought for. If she still stays with us after we prove to her time and time again that we genuinely aren’t strong enough as a man to keep her consistently happy in a relationship, it means she doesn’t really care about us as a man. She only cares about how we make her feel sexually. She is dickdizzy.

When a Woman truly LOVES a man, she loves him at his BEST, not settling for his worst. She wants us to BE the MAN who we were destined to be by the Holy Spirit. A man who can speak life into a woman, erase her insecurities, and shower her with loyalty and consistence. A loyal woman will tell her man to get his lazy ass up, get a job & pursue his dreams. A Loyal Woman will not allow a man to live off her. A Loyal Woman will not baby a man by working a job herself, while he sits his lazy ass in her house all day, playing XBOX and eating Lucky Charms and Pop Tarts raw.

A Loyal Woman will not allow a man to talk down to her & disrespect her like she’s any girl, because she knows a mentally mature man DESERVES a Strong Minded Woman. A Loyal Woman will not allow a man to refer to her as a Bitch, Bad Bitch, Boss Bitch, My Bitch, Wifey Bitch, because she knows we deserve a Queen who has integrity.

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A Loyal Woman will not allow a male to FORCE her to get an abortion, or let him off the hook for abandoning her after getting her pregnant, because she knows we DESERVE to be a Father, not a Baby Daddy. A Loyal Woman will not tell a man what he wants to hear, she will feed him wisdom he NEEDS to hear and not be scared to do to it, because she is Loyal to his inner king, which is his spirit. A Loyal Woman will not allow a man to cheat on her over & over, leave her, then come crawling his cheating ass back after he had sex with every girl in the neighborhood, 11 of his followers on twitter, every girl who liked the pick of his “are you DTF or nah?” meme on his Instagram page. No, because she knows her worth.

Just as I speak to you women today, I speak life into young men as well, and I tell them to carry themselves as a KING, to hold their head high and never settle for a WEAK woman, when he deserves a Strong Queen like you young women. Yes, a WEAK Woman may always tell a man that he is right, yes she will let him use her, yes she will give him her money to pay his phone bill that is in his mother’s name, and she will give him her money without him even having to ask, but; she can never make him a better man and she can never love him like, a loyal woman can.

I made a huge mistake committing myself to a weak minded woman before, and that woman was my ex. Last year after I broke up with her, she asked me if I ever cheated on her, as she always suspected. I told her the truth and confessed, “I have never cheated on you or any woman, and I have never been unfaithful in any relationship.”

After my confession, all she could say was, “wow”, because it is commonly assumed all men cheat, yet this is completely false. I could agree all males cheat, at some point in their life, but a “Man” not a “male” but a man knows if he cheats, he would be not only cheating on a good woman, he would be cheating himself out of allowing a loyal woman to help mold him into a king.

Many people argue men cheat, because his woman will not do what his women on the side will, but he would never even consider the option of having women on the side if he deserved her in the first place. Some men are genuinely not ready for a relationship. To force one with him is only creating a relationship death wish. The idea that men are incapable of being monogamous is false.

I enjoy going on dates, flirting, courting and enjoy my single life, but in the back of my mind, I’m looking for a WIFE. I have ZERO interest in having side HOES or “fans”. I don’t need to have sex with every beautiful woman I meet to prove how much of a “man” I am. My loyalty, monogamy, spirituality & mental maturity proves that.

Each woman I meet, I’m looking to see if she is Wife Material. Because I know I am Husband material. My mother raised a future husband, not a hoe. I choose to be celibate while single, because my mother raised me to be a father and not a baby daddy. I live my life this way as proof that loyal men do indeed exist.

I have to admit, I am extremely picky and I know what a want in a woman. I want a woman who is as strong minded as me. I must admit I love a woman with a smart mouth who will speak her mind, yet knows that my masculinity and romantic aggression will always demand her respect, so she never verbally disrespects me. I love a woman who is spiritual. I love a woman who loves to shop & dress her ass of. It makes me want to spoil her with new heels every payday to keep her shoe game on point.

I enjoy the single life, but I have to admit, I miss having a girlfriend to SPOIL. To show off. To take shopping to the mall before our dinner date. Waiting an hour outside her house knowing she’s getting her hair right, eye lashes long, eye brows perfect, make-up on point just for me. I miss buying those Mani/Pedi gift cards that come in the cute lil box & surprising her with it to make sure my woman’s feet & nails stay on point.

I miss taking the SAME LOYAL WOMAN out every weekend, on spontaneous dates to the gun range, laser tag, in door bungee jumping, rock climbing, wine tasting, on a tropical cruise, snorkeling with dolphins or just to the beach for a walk on the sand after a I cook her lunch, fried chicken, bbq wings, potato salad, pesto pasta, fresh lemonade & peach cobbler I made just for us.

I miss having the SAME LOYAL WOMAN to cook for every day, to have in the kitchen teaching her to cook, then putting an ice cube down her back & laughing, play food fighting, then chasing her around my house
searching for her all around, only to find her laying in my bed, ready for me to trEAT her like food.

I miss making love to the SAME LOYAL WOMAN, texting the SAME GIRL all day, & never getting tired of hitting her with my hilarious vulgar humor and deep intellectual conversation. Being hilarious, making her laugh her ass off to the point her stomach hurts from how much I am making her laugh. I miss hearing the SAME VOICE every night before I go to sleep, hearing her cheese at the sound of my DEEP voice. I miss being a provider for the SAME LOYAL WOMAN, being her rock, someone she can tell all her problems to, vent to and then give her some sound advice, speaking life into my woman to make her feel better.

I miss giving those full body deep tissue massages after her long day. I miss having that ONE I can bring around my moms & sisters, to family events, so everyone knows she’s mine. I miss having that ONE to pray with, to cuddle up & read the bible with. I enjoy being Single, but honestly, I’d be willing to be loyal in a relationship if I found the ONE worth committing to. This is how mentally mature men feel. Yes all males may cheat, but a mentally mature man knows nothing can sharpen his iron and no one can mold him into a king other than a loyal woman.”

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After I finished speaking, the young women really humbled me, as so many of them personally thanked me for writing “Why the hell am I still dating Black Women.” I never intended that piece to become an article. I was just venting off an extremely disgusting experience I had at a barbershop.

I want all my young kings to know they deserve a loyal woman, not a fast girl. We as men need to do much better. Lets be the men we want our sisters to marry, the men we want our daughters one day to be wifed by. Being a good man really is not that hard young kings.

All a Loyal Woman really wants from us as a man is us our attention. That’s all. And that’s not asking a lot at all. Don’t make her feel crazy for wanting us to give her consistency. Don’t have her second guessing if it’s too early to for her to expect us to be loyal, caring and faithful to her. It’s not. Not at all.

If we like her, if we want to spend time with her in any way, she DESERVES our undivided attention. Not half of our attention on her, and half on every other girl on these social networks. My sister said a man doesn’t deserve her time if we are not willing to give her our consistent attention. You may think that is a lot to ask but remember, in order to posses a treasure, one must in return give up what the treasure is WORTH. Loyalty.

 

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I recently experienced some behaviour from a married man that just wasnt acceptable. I was shocked and in disbelief that this well respected, successful, good man (I had thought) thought it was appropriate to act in such a way.

Are you loyal, or do you cheat? Have you been cheated on? Are you in an open relationship?

I would love to hear your thoughts.

Love & light, Charlie x.

Yes, the married man was deleted and blocked, the appropriate behaviour.

Detox your relationships.

It seems to me we are limiting ourselves with the company we keep. Just like how we become what we eat, we are only as strong as those we surround ourself.

‘I think it’s important to get your surroundings as well as yourself into a positive state – meaning surround yourself with positive people, not the kind who are negative and jealous of everything you do.’ Heidi Klum

 

 

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Do you want love and support? Are you loving and supportive? Whatever it is that you need you must become. Take a moment and evaluate your circle. The people who are closest to you, who influence your choices and actions. Are they positive? Are they supportive? Do they care about your wellbeing? Are they understanding? Are they respectful? Do they guide you in the right direction? Do they have your best interests at heart?

I have found that allowing people to move through my life is one of the most difficult things to do. You see some people are only meant for a moment, some for a lifetime.

“7 things negative people will do to you. They will… 
1. Demean your value;
2. Destroy your image
3. Drive you crazily!
4. Dispose your dreams!
5. Discredit your imagination!
6. Deframe your abilities and
7. Disbelieve your opinions!

Stay away from negative people!” 

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If you have those toxic (negative, disrespectful, ‘take’ mentality) people in your life, how do you expect to reach your potential? Toxic people are toxic. To you. Your life.

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Detox immediately. You are the only one who has the power to make decisions in your life. You can wake up in the morning and choose to hit snooze or choose to get your body moving. You can choose to think it will be a beautiful day. You can choose what behaviours you accept. Every choice you make will create your life.

Make better choices. I used to carry a bucketload of guilt and sadness when I would distance myself from people.

“Someone who smiles too much with you can sometime frown too much with you at your back.” Michael Bassey Johnson

I would keep trying, giving people the benefit of the doubt, hoping and holding into thoughts of the goodness within is all. Truth is we are all on different life rhythms. Let go of those who are trying to hold you down, and let yourself be free. Just let go with love and light, wish them well and realise they were only for a moment. Let go with no guilt and surround yourself with the people who lift you higher (no guilt, it is a natural progression in life as we each change).

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Detox. Because people have the power to influence you, but only you have the power to decide and choose what you want and what is acceptable behaviour. Be strong. I can promise the more decisions you make to let go and move on from people who no longer have your best interests in their heart, the closer you are to finding the ones who do.

‘Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results.’ Willie Nelson

 

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I am so grateful for every person in my life, the good and the not so, in this moment and the previous. For you have all contributed to the person {& I finally love who} I have become today.

‘Good for the body is the work of the body, and good for the soul is the work of the soul, and good for either is the work of the other.’ Henry David Thoreau

Love & light, Charlie x.

Do you have toxic people in your life? Have you successfully detoxed? Are you happier?

To enter to win this gorgeous ‘NOTOX’ box, please write a comment about your experiences with people detoxing.

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Self made, not man made.

Now I’m sure this is no latest trend but perhaps as my eyes are opening to society and I am becoming aware of the world around me, maybe I’m noticing more of this occurring…women with men to ‘make’ them?

‘When you stop trying to find the right man and start becoming the right woman, the right man will find his way to you.’ Cher

 

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Now I’m not even talking about the classic gold digger, I’m referring to those girls who are with someone for reasons they find justifiable. His friends, his influence, his business. What if you could be a self made women? A women of independence doing what you can with what you have; passion and drive?

‘Life is a challenge, meet it’ Mother Theresa

Some people would rather be in any type of relationship rather than alone and particularly if his ‘particulars’ assist our goals. Does this come from a sense of insecurity a lack of sense of self? My thoughts (and remember these are my simple musings about the world around me) is that yes, it does. If you need to be with some one for a sense of validation, you haven’t yet learnt the true power of self love.

‘Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.’ Norman Vincent Peale

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Self love is when you know exactly who you are, you feel the doubt, the insecurity, yet you have the courage to face the world with a ‘this is me, like it or not. I am who I am attitude’ (and believe me there will always be someone who doesn’t like you). Facing the world front on exactly as you are requires strength and a deep integral self support and belief system. Truth is, we all make mistakes. It doesn’t matter. As long as you have your own back. Stop leaning on someone for the pure benefit of having someone there or someone who can support (in all ways) you and your goals (for all the wrong reasons).

‘My willingness to be intimate with my own deep feelings creates the space for intimacy with another.’ Shakti Gawain

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You are strong enough to do it on your own. Stop waiting to be rescued. That’s a big statement that I know a lot of girls and women are guilty of feeling…when I meet ‘the one’, ‘when I get married’, ‘I don’t have to work hard or make something of myself because when I’m married I’ll be a stay at home mum’. Chances are you’ll be just as unsatisfied when/if that happens as you are now. Be self made. Create a sense of self dependance, and attitude of I can, I will, watch me. Then be with someone who you can compliment and who compliments you, not out of need.

‘When you are discontent, you always want more, more, more. Your desire can never be satisfied. But when you practice contentment, you can say to yourself, ‘Oh yes – I already have everything that I really need.’ Dalai Lama

There is no greater power than self trust and belief. Setting yourself a goal no matter how big or small and achieving it. This rewards your mind, and your body. You feel good. You release all sorts of wonderful chemicals and hormones that create a sense of self worth. Remember the last goal you had that you achieved? Take a moment to reignite that feeling… If you haven’t got a current goal other than finding a man to save you, I highly suggest you go get one. Even if it’s get to the gym today, eat healthy, or run a marathon.

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A sense of accomplishment creates pride (not ego), strength and courage.

Create a goal, and then go get it done.

Love & light, Charlie x.

{I’m here, waiting for the one who will do anything to be my everything, but in the mean time I have love to share, work to be done and (HUGE) goals to accomplish}

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Sex, & why you should get more of it.

If you really needed a reason to get some more horizontal action…

‘Sex is a part of nature. I go along with nature.’ Marilyn Monroe

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I felt like writing something fun, yet the most interesting for us all. Sex, lust, love, it’s all good for you, and recent studies also show it makes you smarter! Sex is medicine.

“Sexually active people take fewer sick days,” Yvonne K. Fulbright, PhD a sexual health expert.

The reasons why you should get more/give more of it….

Sex makes us happy;

According to a study, people who have sex at least 2-3 x per month are 33% happier then those that dont. Strangely interesting, we are happier when we have more sex, but we are also happier when we think we are getting more sex then our friends (we are such a competitive species, in every aspect!?) In 2004, after analyzing survey data on 16,000 people, Dartmouth researchers studying the health benefits of sex found that increasing intercourse from once a month to once a week led to an increase in happiness equivalent to that generated by an additional $50,000 in income to the average American.

Sex makes us happy. Happy people are more productive.

Sex is exercise; sexercise/cardiovascular training (if your working hard enough 😉

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This one Im sure we all know…Sex is great to tone up nearly every muscle in the body. Researchers concluded, “Sexual activity may potentially be considered, at times, as a significant exercise.” Sex burns approximately 4-5 calories per minute (just don’t use any high calorie foods, whipped cream, body chocolate etc as foreplay 😉

30 minutes = 120-150 calories….if your putting in the effort.

A good way to workout I would say.

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‘Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.’ Woody Allen

Sex is a form of stress relief;

Human contact and closeness can ease feelings of anxiety and of loneliness. We each crave to be held and to be supported. sex is a way we feel connected. Sex releases hormones, in particular oxytocin which give us the urge to nurture, connect and bond. Oxytocin also promotes generosity. Time to give some sex & love.

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‘Sex is emotion in motion.’ Mae West

Anti-ageing (prevention is always better than cure)

Sex releases positive, feel good hormones throughout the body whilst also opening the blood network to deliver them, plus nutrients and oxygen to the cells. This includes the skin. When we have healthier cells at the basal layer, we will promote a healthier, radiant, youthful skin. In women, sex releases growth hormone.

Boosts your immune system;

Studies show that people who have more sex (avg of 1-2 x per week) have a higher level of immunoglobulin A (IgA), a protein that is responsible for fighting infection in the body.

Lowers risk of heart disease (although may cause heart-break);

‘Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.’ W. C Fields

sex maintains your oestrogen and testosterone levels and keeps them in balance. All of the hormones that are released during sex promote healing and improved dilation of the capillaries (improved blood flow). In one study, men who had sex at least twice a week were half as likely to die of heart disease as men who had sex rarely.

Reduces prostate cancer risks;

Researchers at Nottingham University concluded that men who kept up a regular sex life in their 50s were at lower risk of developing prostate cancer (interesting, high sexual activity, more than 20 x per month in your 20s and 30s could increase the risk. Players be warned).

Enhance sleep;

After an orgasm your body releases the hormone Prolactin. This hormone is responsible or the feelings of relaxation and sleepiness.

Sex boosts Self Esteem;

‘Sex appeal is fifty percent what you’ve got and fifty percent what people think you’ve got.’ Sophia Loren

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The more you get, the more you want, the more attractive you feel. Interesting. One of the main reasons why we have sex is to boost our self esteem, good sex (wih love is even better) raises it, and we all need a self esteem boost every  now and then.

Sex can ease headaches (sorry but the ‘I have a headache’ excuse cant work anymore);

“Orgasm can block pain,” says Barry R. Komisaruk, PhD. during an orgasm the body release a hormone called ‘oxytocin’, amongst many other benefits, it is a powerful painkiller.

Sex can make you smarter;

Dr. Jens Forster at University of Amsterdam and Jacobs University Bremen found that people who merely thought about sex had better critical thinking skills than those who didn’t. Researchers at the University of Maryland have performed research (currently on  mice) that shows the increase of cognitive behaviour, memory and brain function when they were mating. these improvements declined when they stopped. (Note, I am highly against the cruelty of testing on animals) Sex promotes neurogenesis (production of new neurons in the brain), effectively increasing their brain power.

So, with all these amazing health benefits, its time to get your horizontal cardio happening. Sex is healthy, healthy is happy.

Love & light, Charlie x.

Soul {mates}.

I like the word soul, and I like the word mates…Mr Bigg, sex and the city. What is the definition of a soulmate? Do you believe in them? Does it have to be the opposite sex, or romantic love that clarifys a soulmate?

‘Whatever relationships you have attracted in your life at this moment, are precisely the ones you need in your life at this moment. There is a hidden meaning behind all events, and this hidden meaning is serving your own evolution.’ Deepak Chopra

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I dont think so. I just found (another) soul mate/sister and I am so so thankful.

We tend to believe that a soul mate is the one person in the world that is designed for you. One person who when you meet, you just work and everything falls into place as though you have known each other for years.

If so, cant this be broken down into friendships also? After all friendships are the family we choose, the ones we share our greatest desires and moments with.

I am dedicating this post to a woman who I rarely knew, yet I took the opportunity and time to know. And I am so thankful I did.

I had been introduced to this gorgeous girl for a brief moment by mutual friend, over a year ago. After practically mirroring each others lives (social media showed us this) in different parts of the country, we had chatted about ashrams, yoga teacher training in India, motivation, training and then the opportunity arose for her to be where I live for a photoshoot (this girl is not only beautiful on the inside, she is stunning on the outside). Going along with my ‘open your heart’ mantra for this year, I said yes.

Some of you may know, or you may not, but I am quite a quiet, private person, I keep my innermost musings, fears, loves, trials and tribulations to myself (the world needs more inspiration and motivation shared, not negativity). I find it difficult to openly express my true self. I can honestly say, I was a little nervous (oh so cute!) and anxious; another person in my home for 5 days, that I really hadnt even had a first date with 😉 Talk about a whirlwind romance, straight to the honeymoon and the ‘old married couple’ stages (we were able to have a few giggles as we decided she would take the husbands role and I would be the wifey).

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For these 5 days I will be eternally grateful. I can barely find the words to express what occured. As she spoke, and I listened it was like she was reading my mind. Her life experiences were practically that of mine, her passions, her dreams & fears, her likes and dislikes…it was unbelievable.

‘The soul mate is what we aspire to and like to understand about us, is what we deem to be perfection, purity and endless regarding our own being.’ Sorin Cerin

Even our ‘bad’ habits…I don’t think I need to share them here, but I am still working on the art of ‘practicing patience’, especially with a 5 day live in friend, soulmate, wifey/hubby.

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This woman has given me the greatest gift of all…love & time.

As we spent our days walking, training, green smoothie ‘ ing’, discussing the most intense topics to the most ridiculous, I felt a sense of acceptance. She listened as I rambled, I listened as she rambled. She introduced me to Tempeh (my absolute new favourite!), I would like to think I helped her break a bad habit, together we created dream, vision & goal boards, we shared our inner most secret emotions, many priceless moments and marvelled at the amazing creation of our lives. The energy between us, sparkled (quite funny, but without sounding weird in anyway, when my gfs sleepover we share my bed, however for 5 days I had to delegate myself to the couch because the energy and motivation was so intense I couldn’t sleep).

Now, I realise this may sound like I have a new crush, or have fallen in love…the honest truth, I have.

‘Maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates and guys are just people to have fun with.’ Candace Bushnell (author, Sex and the City)

This woman…the true essence of grace. Radiating out of her for all to see. Kind, caring, motivated, passionate, a dreamer, a believer, a sensitive soul (and one that shouldnt be entrusted as the gps, or time commitments…we cant all be perfect 😉

‘Our soulmate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. When were two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are weve found the right person. Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life.’ Richard Bach

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She cooked (amazing), cleaned, played me music, opened my mind, opened my heart and walked beside me. We practised a yoga flow at sunset, no direction, no words just our practices and music, there is no other description but magic. I actually feel like I have been on a 5 day retreat, although I have been here in my own home, my own community, living my normal daily life.

I am left better than I was before, feeling wrapped up in love, supported and like I have found one of lifes greatest treasures; a soulsister.

‘Soulmates tend to find each other during their respective pursuits of their soul missions. Creating a soulmate could be seen as a spiritual reward that we give ourselves, after pursuing many soul contracts rife with discord.’ Linda Brady

So soulmate, just one? The opposite sex? I believe that you create exactly what you believe, in fact as we practised this and the art of manifestation it was extraordinary what we began to experince adn what was presented to us. What you believe, you create. So, if you want to find your one and only soul mate, go find him or her! Or, perhaps you may choose to see love (this is my 2014 word) everywhere, choose to expect less and give more and allow people to just be. The past 5 days, I have just been. Me. The raw, the grumpy, the motivated, the frustrated, the loving, every essence of my being that make me, me.

And I was accepted.

Ive talked alot about the feeling of not being enough. If someone makes you feel like you arent enough, exactly as you are…find people who do. Surround yourself with people who believe in you, who see your beauty without your hair done, who look into your eyes and see your soul, the ones who make you come alive.

Love & light, Charlie x.

Feeling honoured to have found another beautiful soul to share my journey that is life with. Thank you.

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Just say yes.

Have you ever thought about how many opportunities you are missing?

‘To succeed, jump as quickly at opportunities as you do at conclusions.’ Benjamin Franklin

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How often do you say no?

Are you living your life with a closed heart, are you afraid of change or are you to set in your ways?

As I reflect on the relationships I have in my life, friends, family (& lovers, kidding, this position is currently open), I understand that everyone has a WIIFM (Whats in it for me) mentality. We have become so busy, wrapped up in our own lives, our own ways we need to find benefits and rewards before we step out of our comfort zone or our preorganised time schedule for other people. It can be difficult to look past the ‘whats in it for me’ mentality, and do something purely for whats in it for the person you love? Contemplate that.

I have been prone to experiencing a feeling of loneliness, even though my life is filled with love and happiness, I still felt a sense of being alone. After all, who was there that truly loved me? This was felt after repetitive efforts of catching up with my good girlfriends, yet due to the pressing schedules of both of our lives weren’t able to make long overdue plans. This has happened more than numerous times. A sense of disappointment, loneliness and a seed of weakness in our friendship would develop within me.

‘I’ve been lucky. Opportunities don’t often come along. So, when they do, you have to grab them.’ Audrey Hepburn

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Yet, as I reflect (the new year is the perfect time to be working on your strengths and weaknesses) I realise that this was not their issue. This was me, being the perfectionist, scheduled, time efficient woman I am…when I would request or try to organise our girlie/guy dates, I would only offer things to do and activities that worked into MY life. The things that I liked, regardless of them (I must say most of my social circle is health, active living focused so I am lucky I created that, but not all are).

A friendship is about compromise. Acting in this manner wasnt beneficial to either of us.

Start syaing yes. Yes to a coffee date, yes to a skydiving experience, yes to a 6am bootcamp (even though that means an atrocious 5am alarm and multiple grumbles from all participants 😉

Make time for the people you love, and create experiences and memories, doing what THEY love, not just what YOU love.

‘Opportunities multiply as they are seized.’ Sun Tzu

Say yes to an art exhibition, to paintballing, to trying new foods.

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The world has so much to offer. Experience it. Breathe it in. Let it in.

Yet so often we are quick to say no. To live in our own bubbles with our blinkers on. Open your eyes, open your heart. And I can promise you you will be more than surprised, not just by who or what comes into your life, but by the true beauty of nature, the opportunity to feel free, to remember FUN.

‘Don’t wait for extraordinary opportunities. Seize common occasions and make them great. Weak men wait for opportunities; strong men make them.’ Orison Swett Marden

If someone wants to go out for dinner or the movies, but you feel like staying home (this is generally me, a homely girl), just go. This is how we connect, how we feel love. Be with the people who matter to you and who you matter to. I realised that those temporary feelings of loneliness were my own creation. It wasnt due to anyone elses negligence in offering me opportunities, it was my own stubborn/laziness.

After only a week of what feels like I have been living at a retreat (I have a soulsister staying with me for the week from melbourne, the week has been filled with every organic cafe, store, and green smoothie bar, yoga studios, training and every other type of productive activity you can imagine; goal planning, personal strengths & weakness analysis, cleansing, release work, the list goes on), I have had to practice the art of patience having another person in my life, yet have been able to truly  experience the pure delights of true friendship, love and new experiences. I have ben able to let go of my daily schedule, adn just ‘go with the flow’ and my what a journey. Memories of a lifetime are made of these moments.

‘A pessimist is one who makes difficulties of his opportunities and an optimist is one who makes opportunities of his difficulties.’ Harry S. Truman

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I have written before, previous years mantras (focus) have been; respond, don’t react ’12’; Everything in balance ’13’.

This years mantra is to live with an open heart, even at the risk of being hurt. And if that does happen, that isn’t my karma that’s someone else’s, but I will choose to see opportunity and to love with an open heart, to give without expectation and to be open to new opportunities, new possibilities.

Love & light, Charlie x.

{Living with an open heart}

Live a life you love, a guide to living your life well has nearly sold out {presage/delivery tues/weds} order yours now…

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Wanting what we cant have.

The forbidden fruit syndrome. I’m sure you’ve experienced this at some stage of you life; from aesthetically wanting to be taller, thinner, prettier; to relationships, wanting who you can’t have, or know someone who has.

When it comes to health; when we restrict ourselves on diets, we automatically want and desire the foods we ‘arent allowed’.

‘You change your life by changing your heart’. 

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I’ve been heard saying (many times) ‘why do I always seem to fall for the ones I can’t have’? (I’ve also heard this more times than I can count from girlfriends and guy friends alike). We want what we can’t have.

Studies show that when you are told NO, it increases your desire, your want and need. The mind becomes fixated on getting a YES. We really are complicated  creatures with an intricate thinking process.

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In terms of dating what is it that attracts us to those that are emotionally, mentally or physically unavailable to us? Is it the thrill of the chase? Is it a desire for self-justification, or proving self-worth when and of they finally say yes? What happens when you dont get that justification?

You may have chased someone, frustrated with their lack of interest, for them to turn around and be interested and you actually decide your actually not interested (a common occurrence).

‘If a person wants to be a part of your life, they will make an obvious effort to do so.  Think twice before reserving a space in your heart for people who do not make an effort to stay.’

We hear of it repeatedly with marriage affairs; a woman or man is happy to be the ‘mistress or man on the side’ but when the married party talks about divorce it’s as though your pouring ice cold water over a burning hot flame, the side party is no longer interested.

If someone is unattainable, either they are already committed or unable to commit, it does not mean you are not good enough, or that you are not worthy of love. remember everyone has their own beautiful life journey, we are all at different times and stages of it. When it is right, you will both be in the right situation, the right time.

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We associate love and pleasure in our brains releasing Dopamine. This can make it difficult to break away from situations where the romance is unsuitable and clearly not beneficial of your time. Dopamine makes us feel good, when we remove the situation that creates this feeling our body, the mind will crave it, its a natural response to want to feel good. Sometimes its the drama we are addicted to; the highs, the lows, the circle of unpredictability. How healthy is this? This circle is destructive to any bonds of intimacy you hope to create and it wont be long before you feel depleted, alone and confused. My advice, find other ways to create pleasure, spend some time with people who are available; loved ones who care and respect you.

‘Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.’ Audrey Hepburn

unfortunately there is no consolidation (from the song)  being “with the one you’re with” when it’s not the “one you want.” But the good news is that time does heal everything and you deserve better than being on the side or someones part time. If you are with someone who is not the one you want, my opinion is that you should spend some time being on your own, not mis treating someone who is giving you their priceless time and affection, rather wait patiently for something that is right to come along, rather than just being with anyone.

Some people are unattainable; people who are married, in a relationship, I even believe seeing someone continuously (building something). Dont be the person to break apart these commitments.

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Find someone that is available and you can become unavailable together.

‘If anyone can have it, I dont want it’.

In the terms of diet, stop restrictive thinking. You can have anything you want, just remember; Junk foods create junk moods. Choose to honour your body, and if you need that 3 pm chocolate, choose dark chocolate full of Cacao/antioxidants. Balance.

Love & light, Charlie x.

Remember karma, what goes around comes around.

As always these are simply my thoughts about the complex world that is dating and the amazing gorgeous thing called LIFE.

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The chemistry of Love.

As Im living my life, a particular discussion keeps reoccuring, regardless of age or status, is how do you know if he’s Mr Right (or she)?

‘Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.’ Robert Frost

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Do we live in an era that butterflies can still be felt, or are we keeping our hearts so protected that the oppourtunity of love at first sight barely exists?

We seem to be waiting for ‘the one’, but how do you know when that person is ‘the one’, are you supposed to know when you first meet them, or is it something you have to discover over time?

We are led astray by the romantic movies, giving us high hopes of what true love should be like, when in reality if you ask anyone who lives in love, a successful relationship, it takes hard work, commitment and persistance.

The spark; fireworks, butterflies, do they exist or are they a myth?

“If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you’ve made me smile, the entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand.” -Anonymous

I can say I am lucky enough to have experienced this before, the butterflies of nervous excitement when seeing a special someone, the tingle on your skin from a gentle touch, even the way that their eyes can look into your soul.

The ‘spark’ is chemistry. Chemistry between two people that is created when they share a special connection.

‘At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet.’ Plato

 

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When we have chemistry with someone it can be on a physical, sexual, or mental level, an automatic sense of feeling welcomed and free in this persons company. No chemistry can mean you find it difficult to relate to a person, or have little in common with them.

The love ‘butterflies’, ‘fireworks’ and ‘spark’ have physical symptoms; your blood pressure will rise, cheeks will blush, you may become flustered as adrenalin is increased, you experience pleasure and excitement.

One of the interesting (& my favourite) facts; falling in love can cause a release of phenylethylamine or PEA (also found in chocolate)

Pea is a stimulant much like amphetamine that releases feel good hormones; Dopamine and Norepinephrine (this can explain why sometimes if your love life is a little low in the activity scales, you may crave chocolate). Dopamine then stimulates the release of Oxytocin, also known as the ‘cuddle’ hormone (provides a sense of comfort and wellbeing).

Do we set ourselves up for failure or loneliness because we expect and want the spark? Is it ok to settle?

‘Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies’. Carrie Bradshaw

 

1459674_10152094055518619_998336447_nWe use ‘there was no spark’, ‘the sparks gone’ as reasons why we end relationships, when really its most likely due to another factor, did you get bored or did you just give up trying? In the world we live in we are told never to settle, to expect the very best, this is the message that is drilled into us by our parents from a young age or from the media as we grow older; that we can be anything we dream of being. Has this had an effect of our inability to choose an appropriate lover? Are we too busy waiting for more?

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Can you have a successful relationship without the spark? There really is no right or wrong answer. Many successful marriages are arranged, many unsuccessful marriages had spark and nothing else in common (this describes my past relationship).

‘Falling in love and having a relationship are two different things.’ Keanu Reeves

As always, these are just my thoughts about life and in particular love that seems to be a hugely misunderstood concept these days.

My personal advice, get rid of your lists ladies, focus on living your own life to the very best you can and just let whatever be. Men, try to act with integrity, all women really want is love, a sense of protection and honesty.

“But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that’s just fabulous.” Carrie Bradshaw

Sending you all some love & light, Charlie x.

and a little giggle…

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Gossip…what good is it?

Do you find yourself caught in the vicious cycle of gossip? Why?

“Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.”  Eleanor Roosevelt

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How does it benefit you, to speak of someone or something in a derogative manner, to offer your opinion on something/someone you most likely have no idea about, and let’s be real, really has no effect on your own life?

Yet we have all been guilty of this nasty act, gossip. 

Does it make you feel better?

Does it determine your self worth?

Do you get satisfaction from offering your opinion?

Just as we’ve all been guilty of partaking in this terrible activity, I’m sure we have all been on the receiving side of gossip. Sometimes it can be quite interesting yet upsetting when it is relayed back to you (you learn things about yourself you didn’t even know existed or happened).

So why do we actively participate in brining other people down? Gossip is a bad habit. 

My mantra; if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all.

If you find yourself being drawn into a conversation or gossip session, politely excuse yourself, change the subject or remove yourself. You do not need to be part of the world that is negative, judgmental or opinionated. Be the change you wish to see in the world.

Just like positive thinking, positive speaking will bring so much more love and joy into your world. 

Why do you gossip?

“Gossip is just a tool to distract people who have nothing better to do from feeling jealous of those few of us still remaining with noble hearts.” Anna Godsperson

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Take a look within yourself, the answer is there. Most people partake in the bad habit of gossiping because they themselves do not feel good enough. Gossip or bringing other people down allows them to get a small sense of being better than (even though this is only perceived in their mind). Speak about the good in your life, share your happiness (there is always something good to be thankful for).

The fact is, how often do you know the real circumstances about the person or situation you are gossiping about (never)?

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“Be less curious about people and more curious about ideas.” Marie Curie

Really, who are you to judge? We all have a past, we are all trying to live life the best way we know how, and this includes making mistakes. Nobody deserves your judgement. Once you become a gossip you are in turn ruining your own reputation and creating a sense of distrust. Dont you want loving , respectful, trusting relationships nad friendships?

Gossiping says more about you than the person you are gossiping about. 

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Just stop. Say something nice instead. How brilliant would it be to know that people referred to you as ‘she never had a bad word to say about anyone’? (A lovely thought I imagine).

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness’ Audrey Hepburn. 

Interesting fact; in Shakespeare’s time, a GOSSIP was someone who sat with a women during child-birth to speak with her and offer comfort.

Love & light, Charlie x.

‘Be impeccable with your word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love. ‘ Miguel Angel Ruiz.

 

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Be in the Moment…

Wherever you are, be there. Have you ever contemplated this statement and wondered, how could you be somewhere else? with life and the daily desire to become more, I must say I have been found guilty of being physically present, but mentally elsewhere.

‘Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the on the present moment.’ Buddha

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Sometimes I find myself exactly where I want to be, yet my mind is elsewhere to be found, running through my mental ‘to do’ list, organising tomorrow’s schedule, or contemplating what that person really meant during our last conversation.

‘Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present’.  Jim Rohn.

Stillness of the mind, peace, calmness,  can be difficult to obtain (especially if you are a ‘I can do it all/have it all type if person like myself). It’s a skill that is definitely worth mastering and one that is effective in creating better time management, better relationships and overall better efficiency.

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I have found that for me, the key to being actively present is to manage a daily productivity list (also known as a ‘to do’ list). In the morning I can pre organise my day into categories:

*Work

*Training

*Creative/inspired/(me) time.

 

In each category I then list my top priorities, what must be done today, and as I write them down, their importance lessons.

Same for training, and inspired time (this is my time to do what I love and enjoy). I often keep 1hr free at night time for this. It can include reading, writing, social…whatever I am feeling I’m needing.

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We all have things that we need to do. I have daily and weekly planners so that I can monitor my level of energy that goes into each day and I can balance my activities. This also means I can plan my meals and be prepared.

Having a plan allows me to remove all the ‘to dos’ from swirling around in my mind, removing all the mind ‘noise’ and visualising them clearly for mental clarity.

This in turn allows me to de clutter my mind that can so easily become full with clutter and effectively allows me to enjoy every moment as it comes, to be actively present in whatever it is that I am doing.

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Being actively present means that you are 100% involved in the here and now, enjoying it. Not thinking about yesterday, not worrying about tomorrow, just living and loving your life exactly as it is in this very moment.

Be present:

Pay attention; this isn’t the easiest of tasks. Research shows that during lectures, classes we only retain 30% of the information we are given (where are our minds for the other 70%? Cute guy in class perhaps?)

Actively engage; actively listen.

Focus.

‘Confine yourself to the present’. Marcus Aurelius

Let go of the ‘what if’s’.

Remember; what will be will be. There’s really no point in worrying about something you cannot change, and if you can change it, make a plan and do it.

I sometimes find myself daydreaming, mentally drifting away from myself thinking about my (so bright I’m in love with it) future, I have to remind myself that today is my life, today, this very moment is the one that I’ve always been waiting for.

‘What matters is to live in the present, live now, for every moment is now. It is your thoughts and acts of the moment that create your future. The outline of your future path already exists, for you created its pattern by your past.’ Sai Baba

The happiness formula includes being in an area of development/growth. Striving to become more. Enjoy the strive.

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Quiet your mind, remove the  turbulence. Like yoga or mediation you will finally see and be who you truly are.

Love & Light, Charlie x.

‘Yesterdays the past, tomorrows the future, but today is a gift, thats why it’s called the present.’ Bil Keane