Good business. Bad business.

As an amateur in working for myself, all I can say is I’m trying.

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I make a f^+k load of mistakes as proof of this. I dont claim to be perfect. Just real.

‘Sometimes when you innovate, you make mistakes. It is best to admit them quickly, and get on with improving your other innovations.’ Steve Jobs

My social media sites & the way I speak about my business (generally in an over enthusiastic, can’t shut me up, passionate way) is not so much a look at me ‘I’m doing so well’ it’s more from a quiet confidence, from a belief I have in myself and my dream…a confidence I am earning everyday & working dam hard for. I have been tested, I mean everyday I still am, and Ive definitely be tried. I do believe that every mistake is an opportunity to learn from and be better.

Now, I’ve been a business development manager for reputable companies, all respectively leaders in their own fields, for the past ten years and would say I’ve learnt a little about how to do good business, compared to the opposite that is bad business, although I’ve definitely learnt some of that to.

Im not saying what I believe is the right way, or the wrong way. I’m simply sharing with you my personal beliefs (as always within my blog).

‘The entrepreneur always searches for change, responds to it, and exploits it as an opportunity.’ Peter Drucker

Every day I speak to entrepreneurs (this is also the latest fad word), perhaps a better word is the dreamers, the game changers, the crazy ones that believe they can make a change (and yup I’m one and proud). A common complaint is the ‘imitation’ of your brand and product. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery…who made that up? Imitation is just dam irritating. I mean, isn’t there enough dreams in the world? Can’t you have your own??? It was only yesterday I was speaking to someone who had someone close to her, who she had confided in basically take her idea.
Dissapointment levels….high.
Heartbreak…disaster.

The fact that they cannot build what you have with your passion and purpose…priceless.

You see at the end of the day…you are your brand. FULLSTOP.

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I am my brand hence my post the other and every week about my struggles and my growing trust in myself and life. My personal brand and my Clean Treats brand is about being real, not fake (so much so, I no longer use artificial beauty enhancers such as Botox or Lip plumps).

It’s not that I don’t get affected by brands, or specific people directly targeting my clients. Of course I do.
But it is business. I understand this.
I’m only trying. In some circumstances I’ve left the door wide open for this to occur, basically handing my competitions my (much valued) clients on a silver lined platter. Why have I done this? Because I want to share love (another brand belief) of course not, but because I’m only me. Im learning every day & as above, making a f^%kload of mistakes along my way. Where this may have occurred is only an opportunity for me to create better systems for myself and my clients to minimise this. I am only learning.

‘There is only one boss. The customer. And he can fire everybody in the company from the chairman on down, simply by spending his money somewhere else.’ Sam Walton

 

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Good business…just do you. Do your own thing and stop the market research. As tempting as it is. I know Ive done it and wasted several hours of the most precious commodity we have; time…lost in a deep virtue making myself contemplate why am I even trying to do what I do. Sure, I realise its important to know whats out in the market, but is it really? Im much happier when Im in my own Clean Treats bubble, doing what I want when I want. Listening to my clients and consumers as feedback for improvement and growth.

‘Making money is art and working is art and good business is the best art.’ Andy Warhol

Respect that your competitors are also people. R.E.S.P.E.C.T

Whatever they do really has no effect to you or your brand if your committed to our own progression and listening to the passion within your own heartbeat.

No one is you. When you feel threatened (and I definitely have) by another company or person…this is only a sign that the belief in your own brand is weakened. It means its time to stop for a moment and revisit your core values.

Why are you doing what you do. What is your brand about. Who are you.

There are many products on the market, and the best news is the health industry is growing. Whether you are a health coach, speaker, product or marketing agency this also means that competition is on the rise.

Trust your brand. If you are doing it for the right reasons (Clean Treats is about making a healthy change in the world, 1 #ball at a time and I believe this with every essence of my being) then what is right for you and your business will come to you. (But dont forget to work hard for it).

‘To be successful, you have to have your heart in your business, and your business in your heart.’ Sr. Thomas Watson

Bad business.

I’m sure we all know what I’m going to write here.

Disrespect. Dishonesty. Slander. Attack. Etc…Etc. You know if you’re doing bad business,that little thing called your conscious will tell you.

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I just want to be respected. Simple.

Im doing what I believe in. When I step out of line or away from my core values, Im quick to realise this with mistakes that direct me back to my own true path.

For this pure reason I am trying to be real, I share with you my highs and my lows that if we meet in person Im exactly who you see in my words and social media pages.

Clean Treats is exactly as its branded. Simple. Real not fake. I dont say they are the healthiest, full of superfood, eat one and it will change your life product (I do however say trade your afternoon chocolate bar for a ball each day for a week and you will feel the difference, and after eating one of my #love balls compared to packaged product you WILL feel a difference).

‘Look well to this day. Yesterday is but a dream and tomorrow is only a vision. But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness and every tomorrow a vision of hope. Look well therefore to this day.’ Francis Gray

Just do you.

Love & light, Charlie x.

Create a world of support around you, of people who believe in and help you and your business. Support the people that support you.

(Do you know whats interesting, its actually the people who arent closest to me who actually help me the most…Interesting).

 

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Honesty; a priceless quality

Have we become so self obsessed/busy that we’ve forgotten standard moral code?

The right way to treat other people? Common courtesy? R E S P E C T {do you even know what it means?}

It seems to me that we are breeding a culture of self absorption, ‘Ill do what I want’, ‘Whats in it for me’ & ‘its all about me’ thinking.

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Honesty is a quality that seems to be lacking. In a society where we all live a little guarded, protecting ourselves and our hearts from hurt and disappointments, wouldn’t it be important to spend time practising this quality? Were all struggling to keep up with the demands that society places on us, scared to show our true colours for fear of judgement, hurt and disappointment. We answer ‘how are you’, with ‘ok’, because how can we let anyone through the walls weve built close enough to let them know were doing everything but being ‘ok’.

Honesty is always respected and appreciated. Honesty is not a sign of weakness, but rather the sign of being a good human.

‘Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom’. Thomas Jefferson.

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Previously {when I was employed} as a business development manager, and a skin care trainer, one of the best lessons I have learnt; if you don’t know something, be honest, find out the answer and get back to the client/student. People respect honesty and view dishonesty with disdain. People can see through lies. No matter how big or small they are.

Are you an honest person?

Being honest means you refrain from lying, cheating, stealing and acting hypocritically.

Personally, I have found that people will be dishonest when trying to protect themselves, rather than being honest and dealing with the circumstances. It can seem easier to tell a white lie in hope of protecting a person and their feelings, rather than perhaps breaking them apart with the truth, or putting ourselves on the chopping block & owning up to something not so great we might have done (which we allllll have, were only human).

In dating, why do we bother not calling back, creating distrust and hurt when we could easily say ‘Im just not  that into you’?

Truth hurts. It’s true. The truth can be more damaging than a lie, or omitting it, but the truth will always come to light. Your better to be the person telling it. Whether to a lover, family or friend, honesty isn’t easy. Especially when words of truth have the ability to hurt, but honesty is always valued & no matter what, it will make the situation better for both/all involved.honesty6

If something/someone upsets you, do you hold onto resentment, or do you let the other person know their actions have affected you (of course this happens in life, were all different people on our own journeys).

Be honest, talk about how those actions have made you feel, and then choose to get over it, or invest your time elsewhere. Everyone has a different set of morals and values that they live by, spend time with people who share your moral code (not saying some are good, some are bad, just everyone is different).

If you know something but you don’t tell someone, are you being dishonest or simply omitting the truth? Obviously I don’t promote to interfere with other people’s business, just to act your own way, with integrity and honestly.

 ‘Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around’. Leo Buscaglia

Many situations can be avoided when you act honestly.

I know now, if i make a mistake (whether in work or relationships) I’m quick to admit it and then FIX it. Be honest (trying to own up to my inner CRAZY when it comes to dating).

The truth is no one is perfect, but we are all here trying to live our lives happily with great love, family and friendship, to accomplish this, you must include honesty in your list of core qualities.

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 ‘If Im honest I have to tell you I still read fairy tales and I like them best of all.’ Audrey Hepburn

Be honest with yourself.

Who you are, what you like, what you dislike, stop trying to be somebody you’re not. When you start acting in a manner that is true to you, you’ll find the happiness you have been searching for, act from a place of integrity from your heart not your ego & live a life of passion.

 ‘There are those who are good with goodness, and also treat those who are not good with goodness. Thus goodness is attained. Be honest to those who are honest, and also be honest to those who are not honest. Thus honesty is attained. Lao Tzu

 

Love & light, Charlie x.

Treat other people how you want to be treated & remember what goes around comes around.

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.” Bob Marley

 

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The Dating Game {for her}

I recently wrote an article about the complexity of the game that is called dating.

The response I received proved I was not the only player playing without a rule book.

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The Dating Game; For her…

{*Please note these are only my thoughts, not rules, and I am definitely not a professional dater}

Stop waiting for someone to ‘fix’ your life.

Is your life broken, perhaps not quite as you want it to be? We all go through the highs and lows that are called life, but its important that you look within yourself to ‘fix’ whatever it is you feel isnt quite right. You are the only one who can truly create change in your life. Sure, other people, love, may help, but these are only a temporary distraction from what is really going on within you.

Imagine how good it will feel when you create change in your life and you have yourself to thank for creating it (I can tell you, it is one of the most overwhelming emotions EVER).

‘Eventually all the pieces fall into place…until then, laugh at the confusion, live for the moment, and know that everything happens for a reason’. Carrie Bradshaw.

 

 

Love Yourself FIRST.

If you do not truly love yourself, how can you expect someone else to? Love your imperfections, these are your unique gifts. Love your attributes. Love the way you act, the way you speak…learn to love yourself. This is not coming from an egotistical point, but just be ok with who you are. Imagine looking in the mirror and instead of saying ‘I wish I was taller’, ‘gosh your fat’, ‘why cant I look like …{insert favourite models name here}; Imagine if you could start your day with positive self image thoughts; ‘looking good’, ‘Im feeling healthy today’, ‘I really love my hair/skin/eyes’ etc.

This is the best knowledge you will ever attain. You don’t need a certificate of attainment, for this will be written on your heart every day in the way you treat everything around you.

When you truly love yourself for everything that you are and everything that you are not you will give yourself that sense of security you may have always been looking for (I was, in all the wrong places). Good date, bad date, it wont matter because you will always have yourself.

Stop comparing yourself. You are precious; like a diamond.

“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.”  – Buddha

Ask for what you deserve.

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The game is tricky and many people are serial daters (dating 1, 2, 3 or more people at the same time). When you start to know someone, if you enjoy their company and things are going well, don’t be afraid to ask for respect (basically exclusivity with no pressure). Do you respect your time? So should he. The heart is a sensitive muscle and it can easily be damaged. Respect is a minimum requirement when emotions get involved. And if he can’t/wont….he doesn’t deserve your time. Its ok to create your own standards for what you think is acceptable treatment/behaviour.

Show him how to treat you.

Do you value yourself, your life, your time? Life gets busy and it seems, well for me anyway, my whole life not just work is on a schedule (yes I am hoping to relax this). Men tend to be more blaze then women about plans (we all know this as fact), show him or tell him that it isn’t ok to attempt to organise dinners/sleepovers….that day (A woman has to be prepared!). I’m not advising that you start playing games, just remember, women plan, men, well, they don’t.

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This also shows that you respect yourself and your commitments. Note to all the ladies out there; DO NOT CANCEL on pre arranged plans (with friends! We are all so guilty of this) because he calls last minute. It is not ok and your friends, you know those people who have been in your life for longer, will be upset.

‘A  loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.’ Thomas Carlyle

Do not excuse bad behaviour.

Lies. Cheating. Abuse (physical or mental). Sabotage.

Is not ok.

Date the nice guy (and if you find one of these, let me know 😉 Nice, driven, motivated, kind, & replicates scenes from romcoms…up, its no wonder Im single).

Stop settling/better than nothing.

Don’t be the girl who NEEDs to be in a relationship. Have you ever asked yourself why? Why do you NEED to have someone in your life regardless of if you love them or not? Be happy on your own.

Don’t settle for less than you deserve, but also remember that no one is perfect. so, you don’t like his shoes or perhaps the way he does his hair…these are such minute details, do they even matter?

 

Get rid of your ‘list’. I once had a friend who had read a dating book which advised to write a list of attributes her perfect guy would have, then to keep it folded under her pillow and that then he would enter her life. Did it happen, no. Was every guy she ever met then on not good enough? Yes. Her list of attributes; generally; tall, dark, sexy smile, great body etc…only gave her high expectations that no normal guy could met.

“You cannot be lonely if you like the person you`re alone with.” Wayne Dyer

RELAX your ‘plan’.

The plan you dreamed of when you were a small girl (many dream of being married with children by a certain age) only puts pressure on yourself and the (poor) man you are dating. I personally had definitely thought I would be married by 30. Relax the plan, take it as it happens. Make it easy. Let it flow.

Have faith and trust that everything does happen for a reason. Perhaps you aren’t ready yet, perhaps you have some areas within yourself that need that love your willing to give away.

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“Whatever you are doing, love yourself for doing it. Whatever you are feeling, love yourself for feeling it.”  Thaddeus Golas

When it happens, it will be worth it, and it will be so much better because you will be complimenting each others lives rather than living in need.

Love & Light, Charlie x.

‘Where there is love there is life’ Ghandi

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The Backup Plan

Perhaps you have seen the movie, Jennifer Lopez plays a single woman that takes her situation into her own hands and opts for the service of a sperm bank, it is then she meets the man of her dreams.

‘Ever since happiness heard your name, its been running through the streets trying to find you.’ Hafiz

 

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My back up plan is a little different, it’s as simple as a friend and I decided that by the time I turned 30, if there were no prospects, we would be together, get married, have a house with a white picket fence (well actually a farm with acres of rolling green grass).

As I’m approaching 30, I’m experiencing mixed emotions about it; positive and negative, but I was reminded about my back up plan.

Back up plans, are they good? It is quite comical really. My backup plan was made with a man who I had thought was the most amazing (ever and yes I do tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and fall head first into the men I actually like a lot) man who was perfect for me, a few years ago. At the time we dated, we were young, both only beginning to completely know ourselves. We weren’t ready to settle. Throughout the years of our friendship there have been numerous fun times and moments; family gatherings (my family still harass me about him today), so we decided to create our own back up plan. At a time we thought we would be ready (30, when your younger you expect to have your whole life planned by the time you are), if we were both free, we would choose to be together and create a life.

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I realise now that we created this back up plan as a way to ease our insecurity and offer both of us some form of protection, no matter what happened we would have each other. We offered each other a sense of security.

‘The dreams that you hold for your future are what you dream about at night. Theyre always at the back of your mind. Theyre what your heart desires. They keep you going. Accept reality and have a backup plan, but always follow your dreams no matter what.’

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To be someones ‘back up’ plan, could be seen as putting yourself as someones option, or even as a second choice in a derogatory manner. However, from my experience (only the 1), we built our back up plan on a friendship, with mutual trust, respect and love (I do consider myself extremely lucky). The plan was all made in fun, Im not sure we were serious, but the sense of security and of true friendship I gained was priceless, for that I will always be grateful to him.

“The most valuable gift you can receive is an honest friend.” Stephen Richards

To be lonely and alone is one of the greatest fears of many in this world. Especially as we begin to see failed marriages, divorces, and bad relationships surrounding us. I mean, I could count on one hand the number of truly, madly, deeply, head over heals, unconditional love, types of relationships I know (and the people who are in them are just amazing).

‘Loneliness is my least favorite thing about life. The thing that I’m most worried about is just being alone without anybody to care for or someone who will care for me.’ Anne Hathaway

When it’s not acceptable to be a ‘backup’; if he/she keeps you waiting, playing with your emotions and treats you disrespectfully.

This is not a backup plan, he/she is keeping you as an option in case anything better comes along, but you’ll do in the mean time. Do not allow yourself to be someones option, second choice or time filler. You are an amazing, gorgeous creation and you deserve the very best, set yourself some standards.

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Now as the big 3 0 is approaching, rapidly, I may need to ask for an extension on our plan …whilst I am free, my passion, time and energy needs to be directed to creating my dream reality. Lets hope he agrees or I’ll be looking for a new one 😉

“Freedom is not the absence of commitments, but the ability to choose — and commit myself to — what is best for me.” ―Paulo Coelho

Hopefully I can continue my search for truly madly, passionate all-consuming love that as the hopeless romantic that I am, do believe is out there for me.

Love & light, Charlie x.

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Do you have a back up plan?

I would love to hear about it! Comment or email me charlie@charliedehaas.com.au

A dedication…Nelson Mandela

Yesterday the world lost a true leader. A fighter for the free world. A man who dedicated his life to peace and love.

 “Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.”

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Nelson Mandela (18 July 1918 – 5 December 2013)

As I watched social media fast fill up with dedications and posts, I began to truly understand just how immense his effect was and began to completely feel his power. This was a man that believed in something and dedicated his whole life to the cause, despite the controversies and struggles he faced.

Re-reading his words of wisdom and reflecting on the life he led, really rocked me to the core.

Today I just wanted to share some words from a man who truly believed in change; change that we can create with every small act of love, every 1 person who believes; we can create the change the world needs.

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He devoted his life as a freedom fighter.

As a leader of a freedom, anti racial movement he was branded as a terrorist by a white government. Nelson Mandela served 27 years in prison, working more than 7 hrs a day for nearly 12 years until force labor was abolished on Robben Island. His cell was small and contained a bucket as a toilet. He was allowed one visitor per year for only 30 minutes. Of his time in prison Mandela wrote “People tend to measure themselves by external accomplishments, but jail allows a person to focus on internal ones; such as honesty, sincerity, simplicity, humility, generosity and an absence of variety,” “You learn to look into yourself.

When he walked hand in hand with his wife…“As I finally walked through those gates … I felt — even at the age of seventy-one — that my life was beginning anew.” Here was a man the world had waited to see.

In his time as president (the first black south african president) he created a government of national unity, focusing on anti racial, poverty and equality rights.

‘Poverty is not natural’.

Although a controversial figure for most of his life, Mandela was rewarded with a Nobel peace price in 1993. He also received the US presidential medal of freedom, in his time he received over 250 medals of honour.

He wil be remembered now and forever as a man who dedicated himself to a goal. A goal to create a better world.

 

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Words of wisdom…

‘I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.’

‘It is better to lead from behind and to put others in front, especially when you celebrate victory when nice things occur. You take the front line when there is danger. Then people will appreciate your leadership.’

‘For to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.’

‘There is no easy walk to freedom anywhere, and many of us will have to pass through the valley of the shadow of death again and again before we reach the mountaintop of our desires.’

‘We must use time wisely and forever realize that the time is always ripe to do right.’

“Difficulties break some men but make others. No axe is sharp enough to cut the soul of a sinner who keeps on trying, one armed with the hope that he will rise even in the end.”

“Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.”

 

 

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Mandela; the father of a nation. Bless.

Love & light, Charlie x.

After reflecting on these powerful/strong words I am reminded that I can create my dream reality; I just have to work harder for it.

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Self Love Sunday…Making a change

Sometimes we can become distracted; by situations that occur, actions of other people and our own inner fears.

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As I have been creating and living a life I love, making it my full-time responsibility to inspire, motivate and educate others, I have found that it’s not always going to be easy.

‘Our goals can only be reached through a vehicle of a plan, in which we must fervently believe, and upon which we must vigorously act. There is no other route to success.’ Pablo Picasso

With a business background I understand that any path to success is not straight up, rather around, sideways, backwards with a few uphill movements.

To ensure that I do not allow myself to be distracted by simple occurrences in life, people and their actions or my own inner fears, I have created some renew & restore healthy habits for my Sunday self-love day.

‘Set high standards and few limitations for yourself.’ Anthony J. D’Angelo

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I am a big believer of implanting seeds of positivity into your mind, my way of doing this is by reading or listening to motivational material. I do this daily and create a healthy habit so that when I do feel a little unfocused or ‘thrown’ I automatically return to these habits to feel better.

As I am beginning my journey, I’ve decided I need to make some goals and set myself some standards, much more than a business mission and plan, I wanted to create a set of guidelines of what I believed was acceptable behaviour for myself, for the life I want to live and also what was acceptable from other people in my life.

‘There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative.’ W. Clement Stone

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Today I was reading Anthony Robins:

‘Anytime you sincerely want to make a change; the first thing you must do is raise your standards. When people ask me what really changed my life…I tell them that absolutely the most important thing was changing what I demanded of myself. I wrote down all the things I would no longer accept in my life, all the things I would no longer tolerate, and all the things I aspired to becoming.’

So I made myself a set of standards and values I want to live by. I invite you to take a moment to yourself today and reflect on these questions, write your own list.

It’s so easy to be influenced away from our own morals and standards by society and expectations.

What do you expect from yourself?

What do you accept from other people?

What behaviour should not be tolerated?

‘I think it’s important to get your surroundings as well as yourself into a positive state – meaning surround yourself with positive people, not the kind who are negative and jealous of everything you do.’ Heidi Klum

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What do you aspire to becoming? (When you write your answer down, I hope you feel your heart full with warmth and a smile on your lips as I did mine).

‘People with clear, written goals, accomplish far more in a shorter period of time than people without them could ever imagine.’ Brian Tracy.

Create your own lifestyle standards to keep you motivated and focused on your goals.

Love & light, Charlie x.

Off to work on some things that will get me closer to what Im aspiring to be.

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The ‘C’ word; Commitment

Commitment, a word so many of us seem to have become fearful of, even creating commitment phobia; the fear of commitment.

‘Commitment is an act, not a word.’ Jean-Paul Sartre

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I wanted to write about this as it is such a huge term thrown around loosely in our society. Dating; there are people who are always in relationships who fear being alone, and then the opposite people who never seem to let anyone to close or commit, fear of commitment.

What does making a commitment mean? Why do we make it such a big word? (Yes, I include myself in this).

Commitment isn’t  really such a big thing, either you make a commitment or you don’t, its simply doing what you say you will do.

Sounds so simple.

Yet so often (even if it is as simple as that), are we failing, failing to make a commitment and keep it.

I’m writing about this in every life sense; relationships: lovers, family, friends. Life; Career, health.

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When we make a commitment to someone or something it means that we will do exactly what it is we have said we would and do whatever it takes to achieve the result you made the commitment for in the first place. No matter what happens.

Relationships; commit to create a loving happy environment for each person to develop and grow.

Health; commit to a target or goal to achieve as something to adhere to.

Career; commit to be the best version of yourself.

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‘The quality of a person’s life is in direct proportion to their commitment to excellence, regardless of their chosen field of endeavor.’ Vince Lombardi

What about a commitment to yourself? That you will only ever be the very best you can, with the very best people and not allow yourself to be tolerant of anything less?

Why are we scared of commitment? I have found from speaking with numerous people, in/out and in between relationships, that the ‘c’ word carries a certain level of threat, a sense of entrapment, a loss of your freedom. In the world we live in, we are told we can have anything, be anyone, is this part of the reason people are failing to commit, in hope of something better, after all we are always told, not to settle.

Is this the way it should be? Again I am no expert, in fact I would easily say I have a fear of letting anyone get to close, but I would hope that in times of evaluating a commitment, especially in a relationship that the person you were creating it with, that person wouldn’t want to take away your freedom, or create a sense of entrapment. After all you are the person you are because of all the things you do, the way that you do them. Unique.

Relationships that are ‘traps’ or something rather than nothing don’t have the longevity or level of commitment required to develop something truly wonderful.

“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans’. Peter F. Drucker

What about commitments to our friends? We make these every day without realising, a social date, dinner date, green tea, walk in the park. Take a moment now to evaluate how many plans you make, and how many actually happen?

I’m not sure if this is the fast paced life of a Sydneysider (were always, always busy), but I do know that it is incredibly frustrating when you are the friend that is cancelled on.

When we think about committing to plans, think for a moment, the other person, your friend, your lover, who you love, respect and care about, is making time out of their own busy schedule for you, to be in your company  and enjoy all the magical things that friends/lovers do (generally making your world a better place).

What type of love and respect are you showing by cancelling?

Why commit to the plans in the first place? It’s easy to say yes, I’ll be there. But the real respect and trust comes from actually showing up. Especially for special events. Sometimes its important to contemplate the importance of something in your friend/lovers life that may have no importance to you. If it means the world to them, be there. Simple.

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Desire is the key to motivation, but it’s determination and commitment to an unrelenting pursuit of your goal – a commitment to excellence – that will enable you to attain the success you seek.’ Mario Andretti

We have relationships and friendships with people in our life who we want to spend our time with, people who (should) make us feel better, people who we want to enjoy the journey of life with including the ups and the downs.

Are you a commitment phobe? Think about why?

I would classify myself as slightly scared of commitment, I know for myself, I am still healing my heart, and I am developing self-love inside myself, before I can start to contemplate a relationship. I’ve also noticed from my personal experience, I like my life the way it is, (actually head over heals in love with it) and from previous relationships, all I know is that they have the power to disrupt and ruin everything (I have made very unwise decisions in the past). So for myself; as guarded as that may sound, I’m taking a little time to work on myself, my trust issues and I’m happy to do so.

You don’t always need to be with someone to be ok. The secret is, you already always have someone, yourself.

So today, when you make a commitment however big or small, to whatever aspect, contemplate firstly if you have any intention of going through with it. If not, just say no, people respect honesty (much more than a last-minute cancellation)

‘An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises’. Mae West.

Todays commitment (actually week); it’s not a treat if it’s every day – committing to be fit. (The C word, not such a big deal after all).

Love & light, Charlie x

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Remember your Roots…

Self Love Sunday and I’m taking time to honour the roots that I came from, my parents.

“The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other’s life.” – Richard Bach

pa6‘The most important thing in life is your family. There are days you love them, days you don’t. But, in the end, they’re the people you always come home to. Sometimes its the family your born into and sometimes its the one you make for yourself.’ Sex and the City.

Today is my Mothers birthday, and Fathers day, so what better self love sunday action then taking some time to respect, appreciate and honour the very essence of my being. The people who have made me who I am today, who have created this life I live.

Parents; two people who have individually created the unique gift that is your life.

Sometimes we love them, sometimes, not so much. Although every word, gesture and thought from a parent to a child is an attempt to direct you to live a good life, patience is often tested and quality time often neglected.

Parents are our teachers, from our first breath of air, they teach us the morals they believe in, they teach us to believe in ourselves. They teach us love.

Reflecting on my childhood, its taken me a long time to reflect back with love, fondness and also laughter.

I was a terrible child. I was embarrassed by my Mum and her hippy ways (growing plants, markets etc, ironically funny how now I am following in her footsteps when I fought it for so long), she was so different.

I believe most children go through the cycle of depending (0-10), teenage rebellion (11-19), indifference (20-25), and then respect and appreciation (25+). This is the stage I am now in, where I appreciate every little thing my parents have ever given me or shown me, for every little experience I was luckily enough to enjoy.

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But mostly, even now at 29 years old, I am thankful for the opportunity to be able to pick up the phone, or visit my parents when I feel like returning ‘home’. Home truly is where the heart is, and for me that is my parents love, anywhere that they are.

Life gets busy, and there really is no feeling that can compare to the safety of your parents. Knowing that they are there. Your support system. To return to anytime you like to reinstall your faith and motivation for life, because let’s be honest, life is not always easy. Life and people are constantly testing, trying and disappointing. It’s through these tribulations that our strength is built, but sometimes its just nice to know there is always a shoulder to lean on, someone to listen, and someone who will love you no matter what mistakes you might make. Yes, that is the feeling of unconditional love, safety.

Blessed.

Today, I’m taking time to honour my parents, to let them know that I am thankful for every single little thing that they have done for me, from the smacks, to the groundings to the ‘i love you’s’, for every single moment of my life that they have always been there.

It is never to late. Family is all that we have in this life . The same DNA, the same blood through our veins, same same but different.

Build strength in your family.

For me, its listening, making time. Laughing and listening when my mum fills me with her stories about her garage sale finds, the flowers she gave to a neighbour, the colourful dress she wore that day to make the world a happier place (so cute!).

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I havent yet experienced the joy of giving life, however when I think about it; if im ready? when will I be ready? Will I make a good mother? I think of what it would take to be a good parent, a good mother, and I have to be honest, the thoughts can be overwhelming, being responsible for another little being. Holding their life in your hands. For me, I know when the time is right it will happen. I always had the typical female  ’30’ deadline; husband, house, child. Now, I know you cannot put a deadline on these things. I also know I was never ready, Its taken me 29 years to finally build self-love, respect for my own parents and start to become the person I believe I am meant to be.

‘Let us make one point, that we meet each other with a smile, even when it is difficult t smile. Smile at each other, make time for each other in your family’. Mother Theresa

Whether you are a mother, a father, a son or a daughter, take a moment to tell your parents you love them. Thank them.

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‘We never know the love of a parent till we become parents ourselves’. Henry Ward Beecher

Let whatever resentment go. Perhaps you didn’t get to go to after school activities because your parents had to work (I would always start a sports season but never got to finish it), perhaps you didn’t get the latest fashion, perhaps you didn’t have a good upbringing. Let it go. Release resentment and allow love and gratitude into your heart, for they have done the best that they could with what they had, and now you are you. And you are capable of being a better person, every single day. Filling your life with love.

The best thing, they put up with you and still love you! (Huge thank you to my parents for always loving me, through EVERY little and big thing I have put them through).

“It is time for parents to teach young people early on that in diversity there is beauty and there is strength.” Maya Angelou

So, take a moment, remember your roots, look back and be grateful, perhaps laugh at moments of idiotic behaviour, stupidity or general naughtiness, but look back with love.

Every day, I am trying to live a life of wellness so my parents can feel a sense of pride.

Happy Birthday Mum, I love you.

Happy Fathers Day Dad, I love you.

Love & light, Charlie x.

 

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The Dating Game…For Him

Now its only fair after dedicating a piece; The Dating Game for her, that I dedicate a piece to him (from her).dm1

Dating, yes it can be fun, yes it can be confusing, and yes you must take part if you ever want to meet that special someone. But when did it become a game with a rule book without defined rules? I mean would you play Rugby/footy without a playbook?

So this is for the guys out there that would like a rare insight into the female mind.

Speaking to some male friends about the dating scene and the game that is played, it seems that some of you are just as confused as most of us. One even said to me, you can’t be too nice, it gets you nowhere.

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It has become a battlefield where we protect our hearts and our feelings in layers of mistrust, wary and judgement. Yet we are all out there looking for the same thing (well some people aren’t).

‘The man who has never made a fool of himself in love will never be wise in love.’ Theodor Reik

Men and women are different. PROVEN fact.

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What women appreciate:

Be yourself; don’t try to be someone you’re not to impress her. Let your true colours show and then you both have a fair chance of deciding if there is attraction there.

Have manners; its ok to forget these around the boys, but act like a man and you may find a lady.

Listen to her (and pay attention); woman love to talk (FACT), this is how we deal with daily life, we like to analyse it, worry about it, think about every possible situation that may arise and then we eventually solve it. Let us.

‘People will not remember you for what you did or what you said – but for how they felt when they were around you. ‘ Mary Angelou

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Be Honest; Treat her how you would like to be treated. Be a good person. Treat her with respect.

Make an effort; women appreciate the small things, like calling when you say you will, being on time, and doing what you say you will, be a man of your word. Women require reassurance. Effort is reassurance.

‘Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. ‘Pooh’! he whispered. ‘Yes, piglet?’ ‘Nothing,”said Piglet, taking Pooh’s Paw. I just wanted to be sure of you’. A.A Milne

Dont forget Romance; it doesn’t need to be extravagant, simple Good Morning Beautiful/Goodnight messages can be enough for a smile.

Make the first move; whilst most women aren’t afraid to get what they want, there’s nothing like the thrill (and research shows you love the thrill of the chase) of being asked out by a guy (you just may have had your eye on, girls make it easy for him, smile, say hello), if she says no, so what?

‘Men always want to be a womans first love; women like to be a mans last romance’. Oscar Wilde

Mostly, have fun. Dont be a player, that may have been fun when you were younger…but it takes a real man to respect a real woman.

I am no expert, these are the simple thoughts that have been discussed between myself and my friends on many occasions (no doubt other woman) about the complicated, confusing game of dating.

“Don’t worry about finding the right woman concentrate on becoming the right man.”  Unknown
Love & Light, Charlie x.
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The Pretty Qualities…Respect

Respect. A word and actions that have truly been lost in time.

‘Respect is on of life’s greatest treasures. I mean what does it all up to if you don’t have that?’ Marilyn Monroe.

Noun: A feeling of deep appreciation for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities and achievements.

Verb: Admire (someone o something) deeply as a result of their abilities, qualities or achievements.

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*You respect someone by admiration for the things they do the way they do them.

*You respect someone by realising that everyone has their own struggles throughout this life.

*You respect someone by being polite and showing common courtesy.

By showing respect you are showing that you care about that person, and care about yourself. You have a standard of morals.

To respect someone; you understand that they are an individual person and that they are living their own life, walking their own path.

‘Respect yourself and others will respect you.’ Confucius

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I was training at the gym on Saturday afternoon, minding my own business trying to get through my second shoulder session of the week (I was hurting)…some young boys were on the squat rack next to me and all I can say, because I can’t repeat the words they were saying as I wouldn’t want to offend, the language they were using, loudly, was absolutely despicable. I was disgusted. They kept going…

Now, if you’ve been keeping up to date with my blogs you will know I am currently preparing for a Fitness model competition, this means my daily macro (food intake) is monitored and carbs are slightly lower than normal. I just wanted to train in the gym without having to hear the rubbish that they were speaking (girls, it was disgusting) and disappointing. So after a while, I (might have snapped) said, guys can you watch your language…this followed with eye rolls and yeah whatever/geez…which I did think was quite funny…I added; its disgusting.

What is happening in society that it is ok to speak such profanities in a public area, (and Im sure there are many more being done daily).

Where is the RESPECT?

Think before you speak. and listen to the words you say…are they appropriate?

I always try (sometimes in s/Sydney traffic this is impossible) to be early to meetings, this is a sign of respect of that person’s time. They have taken time out of their day to meet you, be there ON time.

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‘Never esteem anything as of advantage to you that will make you break your word or lose your self-respect. ‘Marcus Aurelius.

Respect your commitments. People appreciate honesty much more than disrespect. If you say you are going to do something; do it. Or don’t commit to it.

Is that really so hard to understand?

On the Forbes career limiting habit list; disrespect is listed sixth.

Where are we going wrong? What happened? When I think of respectful people, my thoughts drift to my grandparents, the kind of people who gain respect and give it (to everyone, in the little things they do).

Opening doors, letting people speak (not cutting them off), saying please and thank you.

Respectful manners: Do you have yours?

With easy access to communication with others, how respectfully do you treat the people you connect with? Do you hide behind the false security of text message or Facebook to be derogative, to avoid confrontation? Such behaviour, I definitely wouldnt deem as ‘pretty qualities’, much more the opposite.

Respect that people have lives and everything that they do isn’t about you (I have been prone to a bit of selfish thinking myself).

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Be respectful:

Look for the good in others. It is not your place to judge others, you have no idea what their life is like.

“How would your life be different if…You stopped making negative judgmental assumptions about people you encounter? Let today be the day…You look for the good in everyone you meet and respect their journey.” Steve Maraboli

Be honest.

“Above all, don’t lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love.” Dostoyevsky

Treat others how you want to be treated.

Make people feel special, actively listen, be polite.

‘When you are content to simply be yourself and dont compare or compete, everybody will respect you.’ Lao tzu

Love & light, Charlie x.

Today I will actively choosing to treat others how I would like to be treated.

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