As Im living my life, a particular discussion keeps reoccuring, regardless of age or status, is how do you know if he’s Mr Right (or she)?
‘Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.’ Robert Frost
Do we live in an era that butterflies can still be felt, or are we keeping our hearts so protected that the oppourtunity of love at first sight barely exists?
We seem to be waiting for ‘the one’, but how do you know when that person is ‘the one’, are you supposed to know when you first meet them, or is it something you have to discover over time?
We are led astray by the romantic movies, giving us high hopes of what true love should be like, when in reality if you ask anyone who lives in love, a successful relationship, it takes hard work, commitment and persistance.
The spark; fireworks, butterflies, do they exist or are they a myth?
“If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you’ve made me smile, the entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand.” -Anonymous
I can say I am lucky enough to have experienced this before, the butterflies of nervous excitement when seeing a special someone, the tingle on your skin from a gentle touch, even the way that their eyes can look into your soul.
The ‘spark’ is chemistry. Chemistry between two people that is created when they share a special connection.
‘At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet.’ Plato
When we have chemistry with someone it can be on a physical, sexual, or mental level, an automatic sense of feeling welcomed and free in this persons company. No chemistry can mean you find it difficult to relate to a person, or have little in common with them.
The love ‘butterflies’, ‘fireworks’ and ‘spark’ have physical symptoms; your blood pressure will rise, cheeks will blush, you may become flustered as adrenalin is increased, you experience pleasure and excitement.
One of the interesting (& my favourite) facts; falling in love can cause a release of phenylethylamine or PEA (also found in chocolate)
Pea is a stimulant much like amphetamine that releases feel good hormones; Dopamine and Norepinephrine (this can explain why sometimes if your love life is a little low in the activity scales, you may crave chocolate). Dopamine then stimulates the release of Oxytocin, also known as the ‘cuddle’ hormone (provides a sense of comfort and wellbeing).
Do we set ourselves up for failure or loneliness because we expect and want the spark? Is it ok to settle?
‘Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies’. Carrie Bradshaw
We use ‘there was no spark’, ‘the sparks gone’ as reasons why we end relationships, when really its most likely due to another factor, did you get bored or did you just give up trying? In the world we live in we are told never to settle, to expect the very best, this is the message that is drilled into us by our parents from a young age or from the media as we grow older; that we can be anything we dream of being. Has this had an effect of our inability to choose an appropriate lover? Are we too busy waiting for more?
Can you have a successful relationship without the spark? There really is no right or wrong answer. Many successful marriages are arranged, many unsuccessful marriages had spark and nothing else in common (this describes my past relationship).
As always, these are just my thoughts about life and in particular love that seems to be a hugely misunderstood concept these days.
My personal advice, get rid of your lists ladies, focus on living your own life to the very best you can and just let whatever be. Men, try to act with integrity, all women really want is love, a sense of protection and honesty.
“But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that’s just fabulous.” Carrie Bradshaw
Sending you all some love & light, Charlie x.
and a little giggle…