The ‘what I want in a man’ list…

So one of the things I spend quite some time discussing aside from my dreams, my business and work is… Love and my lack there of.

 

172“…sometimes I get tired. Sometimes I get bored. And sometimes all I want, more than anything else in the world, is to go on a freaking date.” Kiersten White

I saw a funny quote on Insta ‘Im at that stage where half my friends are getting engaged or having babies and the other half are to drunk to find their phones’ this is me. But I would perhaps change the other from to drunk to find their phones to ‘to focused on their dreams to be seen’.

It’s been said to me many times during this little life of mine that I should create the list.
You know the one Im talking about…the list that lists all the things you want in your perfect man.
And surprisingly a few of the happily married couples I now have done this and highly recommend it. Because apparently how do you know what you want if you dont?

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“Never rearrange your life in order to meet Mr. Darcy half way. If he couldn’t see your worth at the moment you met then he won’t two years later’ Shannon Alder

I don’t have a list. Does this mean I’m confused about what I want? Or does it mean that I realise that the odds of finding my Mr perfect are getting smaller and smaller and Im hoping that love will find the way (without my particularly picky list of requirements I’ve decided I not only want but need in the chosen man)? Is it the fact that I dont have ‘the list’ that I seem to have attract a whole lot of Mr Maybes? Mr Im not sure, Mr facebook booty call message, Mr commitmentphobe.

As I’ve been unsuccessful in love, I would even say failing miserably… I’ve decided to create my list.

Not even sure where to start but I guess one of the first has got to be D R I V E N. Do you know how hard it is to find someone you can have those soul on fire conversations with?! I mean is it too much to ask for someone to understand when you are on deadline or at this stage in the game of my business that there isn’t a lot of structure and Im the be all and end all (not as of next week!! #newstaff #yayyyyyyyy).

‘I love a man with a great sense of humour and who is intelligent – a man who has a great smile. He has to make me laugh. I like a man who is very ambitious and driven and who has a good heart and makes me feel safe. I like a man who is very strong and independent and confident – that is very sexy – but at the same time, hes very kind to people.’ Nicole Scherzinger

 

^^^ This about sums up my list 🙂

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Secondly…someone kind, compassionate. Someone who listens when you talk, who turns their phone off while your on a date (this is one of my personally biggest reason to black X someone), someone who exercises manners.
Being polite and well mannered has become so rare it’s mistaken for flirting (thanks insta quote).

Someone real.
I am so over guys/men saying they want one thing, then go and date the opposite. Why??? Are we settling? Is there anyone left looking for that all-consuming love??? Or are we all just to crazed about being with someone, anyone is better than no one?

‘To be rejected by someone doesn’t mean you should also reject yourself or that you should think of yourself as a lesser person. It doesn’t mean that nobody will ever love you anymore. Remember that only ONE person has rejected you at the moment’ Jocelyn Soriano

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No games. I refuse to play them & you can f^*k off you expect to play them with me, honestly. If you like someone, say so. If you want to go on a date, say so. I’m over the ‘I should wait a few hrs before messaging so he doesn’t think I’m to keen’ the ‘Im busy’, the ‘kinda seeing someone’.
It’s all just a joke to me. And yes I understand most of us have our battle scars and have built ourselves unbreakable shields to protect us, but how will you ever get what you want without building a bridge or mending what was once broken?

“Sometimes it takes a heartbreak to shake us awake & help us see we are worth so much more than we’re settling for.”  Mandy Hale

Obviously fitness is a must and any kind of yoga training is definitely a plus. I believe yoga has changed me and I know that most yogis experience this. 

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Someone who does what they say they will. THIS IS NOT TOO HARD. Call when you say you will. Make plans and keep them. 

‘If hes not calling you, its because your not on his mind.’ Greg Brehendt

A…P A S S I O N A T E | ROMANTIC.
Perhaps this is a lot to ask…wink emoticon.

Someone who believes in magic.

I believe. Do you?

And the rest I’ll add to the list and keep it personal.
I am a big believer that anything we want we can have, with our thoughts. So I’ll write my list (apparently it has to be quite specific down to what he does…does #boss cut it? I love the #boss & #boss = empire ideal. Some websites even recommend 100 attributes) and continue to believe that one day the right man for me will come into my life at the right time.

“I don’t understand dating.. and the other things that people do.. all I know is that you ought to find the one you recognize. The one who gives you four arms, four legs, four eyes, and has the other half of your heart. There’s only one of those, so what are all the other things for? Like dating?”  C. Joybell C

Love, Charlie x.

I’m curious do you have ‘the list’  and has it worked for you?

An evening with a Sexpert.

What is a sexpert?

Well just this week I spent an evening with one, Juliet Allen as part of the Daily Guru, Self love Series.

The topic of the night; Reconnecting with yourself – The Feminine & the Sexy.

What can I say, I was excited. I was unsure of course what type of things we would be discussing especially as Juliet started her talk with ‘sometimes Im told Im to raunchy/explicit, and sometimes Im told IM not enough’.

I presume everyones assumption of ‘raunchy’ is different, and I believe that is the key core message that Juliet got across.

So to reconnect with your feminine and be the sexy sensual goddess you are, it takes 7 steps.

‘She is a woman who radiates light. She is magnetic’

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#1 Take care of yourself.

Put yourself first.

Self care & self love. When you feel good about yourself you create an essence of confidence (without ego).

Take time out for you, reconnect, do the girly things, get a manicure, a massage, a facial.

Take care of your body. Confidence starts on the inside. Are you treating yourself like the gorgeous sexy hot woman you know you are? Eating nourishing foods? Training your mind? Creating good situations to be in? Or are you not? Perhaps choosing not so nutritious foods that can leave you feeling bloated and blah, chatting to yourself ceaselessly negatively (how can anyone feel good with those negative words on repeat?), or being in situtaions that just dont make you feel good.

 

#2 Embrace your sexuality.

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Own it.

Your desires. Yours wants. Be into sex if you want. Be sexy. Have great sex. Get more. Or less. Know what you want and get it. This is non negotiable. You are the only one who knows what you want, so go out there and get it. Be strong, be sexual, be you.

#3 Work in your own stuff.

Let go of the past. Drop the emotional baggage off.

Orgasm is in the mind. Intimacy is in the mind. Pleasure is in the mind.

Let go of yesterday, things that might have happened and accept who you are, and embrace it.

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#4 Stop Judging.

Embrace the lifestyle & choices of others. Stop judging others. We are all unique. Respect the choices people make. Respect their decisions. Respect who they are. Its not for you to decide or comment about what should or shouldnt make a person happy. Let them be them, and you jsut be you. Focus on getting more of your own big O’s before your quick to judge other people.

#5 Be open to new experiences.

Try everything once. Create new experiences. Be bold. Read books, blogs, videos…explore. Be open with your partner. Communicate. Say yes or say no. Tell him/her what you want. Sexuality is designed to be explored. Like something, say so. Dont like it, say it.

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‘Being tied up is so in right now, thanks to Mr Gray’ Juliet.

#6 Allow yourself to be vulnerable.

Vulnerability = intimacy.

‘Sex is by nature a vulnerable act on so many levels. To open ones body bare, to share deep feeling, to allow yourself to be penetrated or seen naked, to expose tender parts of yourself like desire, fantasy and insecurity, to allow yourself to want and desire and to be fulfilled. These things are vulnerable.’ Amy Jo goddard.

Risk getting hurt. Open yourself up. We hide behind our fears of ‘what will he/she think’, scared of being judged. Again, be who you are, and jut own it. Find someone with the same thoughts as you, sexual freedom to explore.

#7 Step into your power.

You can chose to be sexy.

Make it a priority. Stop blaming others or making excuses. You have the power to create change. Your lack of, or great sex life is all up to you. Do you want more sexual freedom…get it. Do you want better sex… Ask for it. Want to try something new…whatever it may be, ask for it.

If you want a FWB… find one. If your happy for a one night stand, have one.

*Obviously always practice safe sex. (Did you know that wearing a condom is becoming increasingly rare?)

 

Interesting evening with a few q & a’s at the end.

Raunchy? I thought it could be more. But it was a great experience to be in a room full of woman, and a few men, and openly discuss what was once a taboo subject.

Yet the stats say:

Only 25% of women are completely satisfied with their sex life.

Only 12% of men say they are satisfied with their sex life.

39% of women wish they slept naked with their partner more often.

23% of men say they have no sex life.

I personally think that just like we train our bodies and our minds, our sexuality, chemistry and body experiences could be an area we could learn a bit more.

Or perhaps, this just goes back to self love…knowing who you are and what you want.

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Love, Charlie x.

P.s have you checked out my new funding campaign… I would love you to buy some #balls…

http://www.pozible.com/project/190510

 

17 Things To Expect When You Date A Girl Who’s Used To Being On Her Own

I read this and had to have a giggle to myself. Lately there’s been a lot of talk about what makes a man a man and what makes a woman, a woman. At least in my world & from what I see on Social Media, perhaps because Im trying to date and am personally wondering how many frogs will I have to kiss until I get my prince?

How do you know if you’re dating either? Theres something really strange happening and I just don’t quite get it, but men, or boys, I’m not sure; both are choosing to be with ‘girls’ as such described in my previous post ‘A girl or a woman?’ {please note I am not saying either is wrong or right} & the strong, independent, dream chasing women are left wondering ‘when will I ever met him’ {read, someone who challenges me, inspires me, laughs with me, understands me..#lovesme 😉 } Yes, me. This question interrupts my world changing thoughts on a daily, really hourly basis.

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So I had to share, with some added quotes & images #charliestyle.

“A girl wants attention, a woman wants respect. A girl wants to be adored by many. A woman wants to be adored by one.” -anonymous

17 Things To Expect When You Date A Girl Who’s Used To Being On Her Own

Kovie Biakolo, thoughtcatalog.com

1. Expect her to do her own thing often and without letting you know, at least at first. It’s not that you don’t matter; it’s just that she’s learned to love doing what she wants, when she wants, and without asking permission or informing anyone.

‘It takes people a long time to learn the difference between talent and genius, especially ambitious young men and women.’ Louisa May Alcott

2. She’ll probably want to take things slowly because she’ll not be used to all the attention. Don’t think she doesn’t like you enough, she probably likes you a lot; it’s just all new to her.

3. Expect her friends to be overprotective of her and to be suspicious of you at first. They’re not used to her being with someone and they’ll want to make sure you’re the kind of guy who will treat her well.

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4. She’ll have a hard time letting you do things for her. Try not to take this personally. She’s just used to taking care of herself and it’ll be hard for her to live in a world where she’s got someone else looking out for her in that way.

5. Expect her to be stubborn, to always want things her way, and to fight you when she doesn’t get it. Don’t always give in to her, but do let her win sometimes.

‘Real magic in relationships means an absence of judgment of others.’ Wayne Dyer

6. She needs to be left alone often especially when you first start seeing each other and it should feel like she’s head over heels. Believe that she has more butterflies in her stomach than she knows what to do with, which is why she’ll need to compose herself.

7. Expect her to pull away from you, especially when she realizes how much she likes you. She’ll come back to you but she’ll need time to think her feelings through.

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8. She’ll question you, sometimes directly, sometimes implicitly, about your feelings for her. She’ll always want to know if they are real or if she’s making things up in her head.

9. Expect her to be headstrong. She’ll tell you, “I’ve got this,” more than you’ll want to hear. But she’ll get used to your offers to help. And in time she’ll know how to let go of the tight grip she seems to have on everything.

10. She’ll be guarded, and she won’t be keen on letting you in. She’s waiting to see if you’re patient, she’s waiting to see if you’re worth it. She’s hoping that you’re worth it.

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11. Expect her to be stingy with trust, to only give a little bit at a time. But every time she gives you a little, it’ll feel like a big step for her. Cherish these big steps.

12. She’ll come across as strong, maybe too strong for you at first. But don’t be intimidated, this is her outer shell. And when you get to know her, you’ll know she’s strong but soft; tough but kind.

13. Expect her to be reserved, at least about the things that matter. Until you really get to know her. And then you’ll see the untamed, raw, and always beautiful open version of her that she’ll let you fully discover.

14. She’ll be slow with her vulnerabilities, and hide many of her weaknesses. And when she shows you them, she’ll feel naked. Clothe her with your words.

15. Expect her not to need you, and not to believe in needing much of anything at all. But she’ll want you. And when she does, it’ll be the most exhilarating feeling you’ve ever experienced.

“After spending time with a girl, you feel exhausted because she takes more than she gives. After spending time with a woman, you feel invigorated, because she empowers you with possibility, and a passion for life.”  N. Mah

16. She’ll be scared – scared to be hurt, scared to love, and be loved. Scared that you’ll eventually hurt her or leave her and if and when that happens, she won’t know who she was before.

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17. Being alone is her default, it’s her comfort zone. But expect her to fall in love with you faster than she’ll admit and in a way that isn’t loud but still powerful; it’ll be like a little bit of heaven. And it won’t matter if you love her for a while or for a lifetime; her love will change both you and her forever.

Love & light Charlie x.

& if you know someone like the below… 😉

‘I love a man with a great sense of humor and who is intelligent – a man who has a great smile. He has to make me laugh. I like a man who is ambitious and driven and who has a good heart and makes me feel safe. I like a man who is very strong and independent and confident – that is very sexy – but at the same time, he’s kind to people.’ Nicole Scherzinger

Players guna play.

So it seems that people/you like to read about my misfortunes with dating, my never ending search for Mr Right, & S.E.X.

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Today, im dedicating a post to those men weve ALL dated…the players.

I recently fell head over heals/crushed hard on a man I hadnt even met (obviously it was the idea of love not actually him). Why? Surely I’m smart enough to know better???

Because he was and is a player.

These men are so smooth you wonder if they are real. The simple answer is No. They are not. Yet we generally just stay caught up in their smooth words until it’s too late & we find ourselves wondering what the f^*k happened when Mr oh so right is suddenly Mr oh so wrong & already moved on to his next victim.

I must admit, I seem to have players only written on my forehead because I seem to be dating a lot of them. Or is it because they are increasing in numbers? (insert oh no!) Is it because these men were once the good guy whose had his heart stomped on, and just like us women, vows never to let that happen again? The answer I don’t know. What I do know is the dating game is hard. I dont want to play it. Yet I want to find someone ( nothing less than butterflies) to share my beautiful life with? What is a girl to do?

When being nice is mistaken for flirting, when ‘lets train’ apparently means ‘lets date’ and a ‘like’ on an old photo means ‘Im interested’, and ‘cuddles’ actually means ‘sex’, it’s no wonder many of us are confused. I cant recall the last time I was asked on a date (hmm, severe lack of a love life).

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Heres what I know to be true about these men, the players that you should avoid (their behaviour simply is NOT acceptable)

*They will tell you they are just breaking up with someone or that its complicated, or they just arent working out. Their social media sites will show you differently.

DO NOT BELIEVE them. They are simply having a difficult time with the girl they should be putting their energy into & instead using you to stroke their ego and as a back up plan.

*They will be SMOOTH. Good morning texts everyday, good night texts. 100 texts per day. Youll go from 0 to 100 in a split moment.

These texts will include things like ‘Ive never felt this connection’, ‘I knew you were someone special’, etc.

*Also…they will text you songs…generally RnB love songs such as…Pretty Ricky; Grind with me. (Every player I have accidentally dated/fallen for has used this move).

‘The way they get to play you, 
all the while claiming they 
love you and making you 
believe it’s 
true.’ Ellen Hopkins

Im not saying that you might not have a good guy who does these things, but remember actions will always speak louder than words.

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*When you are with him, his phone will be on silent, and/or upside down.

*The sex will be out of this world (unfortunately my recent player not so much). *Remember these men are well practised. And generally you will use this as an excuse to keep running back to him…that sexual connection (does not mean it can be replicated out of the bedroom).

*He will go missing for periods on end…after your 100 messages he needs a time out with his current squeeze or another hes lining up beside you.

 ‘If he creates expectations for you, and then doesn’t follow through on little things, he will do same for big things. Be aware of this and realize that he’s okay with disappointing you.’ Greg Behrendt

*He generally doesn’t have social media, Facebook or instagram…because it may cause too much trouble.

*When he calls you from no number…hmm why?

*After getting your attention, perhaps your body and love…he goes cold.

He has you.

Game over.

*Players are going to play.

Then youll be upset, distance yourself, perhaps go a little crazy (I sure have) and then when you show no interest he’ll reappear. Or when you’re happy (Im really not sure how these guys have this sense)

*They are hot and cold. You dont know where you stand. He might even tell you he’s confused, that he needs time. Umm excuse me…I wasnt the one chasing you, promising you the world, talking about being your wifey and having beautiful babies…YOU were. Im sorry I was silly enough to believe you.

As always just my simple thoughts about the dating world around me.

“Let’s start with this statistic: You are delicious. Be brave, my sweet. I know you can get lonely. I know you can crave companionship and sex and love so badly that it physically hurts. But I truly believe that the only way you can find out that there’s something better out there is to first believe there’s something better out there. What other choice is there?” Greg Behrendt

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Dont play games. I refuse to. And if you see any of these signs, or if he makes you feel like anything less than the beautiful creation you are…MOVE ON.

Men that play games are weak. Its that simple. They are not man enough to treat you with the respect that you deserve because their egos are fragile & needs boosting, more than they can think about genuinely be a good human. They wouldnt even know how.

Love & light, Charlie x.

Simply tired of being played.

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If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache. Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that’s not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can’t “be friends.” A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend. Don’t settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don’t stay because you think “it will get better.” You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Avoid men who’ve got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any differently? Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later. You cannot change a man’s behavior. Change comes from within. Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are…even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less. Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else’s man. Oh Lord! If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs. You should not be the one doing all the bending…compromise is a two-way street. You need time to heal between relationships…there is nothing cute about baggage… deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you…a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals…look for someone complimentary…not supplementary. Dating is fun…even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr.. Right. Make him miss you sometimes…when a man always know where you are, and your always readily available to him- he takes it for granted. Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others. Share this with other ladies….. You’ll make someone SMILE, another RETHINK her choices, and another woman PREPARE.

{Shared post} F*#k yes or F*#k no.

Original post by Mark Manson , so true I had to share with you, because I know weve all experienced that grey area, spending more time wondering what if, then actually dating.

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Think about this for a moment: Why would you ever choose to be with someone who is not excited to be with you?

There’s a grey area in dating many people get hung up on — a grey area where feelings are ambiguous or one person has stronger feelings than the other. This grey area causes real, tangible issues. As a man, a huge question is often whether to be persistent and continue pursuing a woman even when she seems lukewarm or hot/cold on your advances. For women, a common question is what to do with men who make their feelings ambiguous.

“She said she’s not interested, but she still flirts with me, so what do I need to do to get her?”
“Well, I know she likes me, but she didn’t call me back last weekend, what should I do?”
“He treats me well when he’s around, but he’s hardly around. What does that mean?”

Most dating advice exists to “solve” this grey area for people. Say this line. Text her this. Call him this many times. Wear that.

Much of it gets exceedingly analytical, to the point where some men and women actually spend more time analyzing behaviors than actually, you know, behaving.

Frustration with this grey area also drives many people to unnecessary manipulation, drama and game-playing. This is where you get rules about making men pay for this many dates before you can become intimate. Or how men need to transition from attraction phase to comfort phase by qualifying three times before they’re allowed to commence an escalation ladder.

These things may seem clever and exciting to some people who are stuck or frustrated. But this dating advice misses the point. If you’re in the grey area to begin with, you’ve already lost.

Let me ask again: Why would you ever be excited to be with someone who is not excited to be with you? If they’re not happy with you now, what makes you think they’ll be happy to be with you later? Why do you make an effort to convince someone to date you when they make no effort to convince you?

What does that say about you? That you believe you need to convince people to be with you?

You wouldn’t buy a dog that bites you all the time. And you wouldn’t be friends with someone who regularly ditches you. You wouldn’t work a job that doesn’t pay you. Then why the hell are you trying to make a girlfriend out of a woman who doesn’t want to date you? Where’s your self-respect?

The entrepreneur Derek Sivers once wrote a blog post where he said that “If I’m not saying ‘Hell Yeah!’ to something, then I say no.” It served him well in the business world and now I’d like to apply it to the dating world. And because I’m more of a vulgar asshole than Derek is, I’ll christen mine The Law of “Fuck Yes or No.”

The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” states that when you want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, they must inspire you to say “Fuck Yes” in order for you to proceed with them.The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” also states that when you want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, THEY must respond with a “Fuck Yes” in order for you to proceed with them.

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As you can see, The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” implies that both parties must be enthusiastic about the prospect of one another’s company. Why? Because attractive, non-needy, high self-worth people don’t have time for people who they are not excited to be with and who are not excited to be with them.

This may sound a bit idealistic to some. But The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” has many tangible benefits on your dating life:

  1. No longer be strung along by people who aren’t that into you. End all of the headaches. End the wishing and hoping. End the disappoint and anger that inevitably follows. Start practicing self-respect. Become the rejector, not the rejected.
  2. No longer pursue people you are so-so on for ego purposes. We’ve all been there. We were so-so about somebody, but we went along with it because nothing better was around. And we all have a few we’d like to take back. No more.
  3. Consent issues are instantly resolved. If someone is playing games with you, playing hard to get, or pressuring you into doing something you’re unsure about, your answer is now easy. Or as I often like to say in regards to dating, “If you have to ask, then that’s your answer.”
  4. Establish strong personal boundaries and enforcing them. Maintaining strong boundaries not only makes one more confident and attractive, but also helps to preserve one’s sanity in the long-run.
  5. Always know where you stand with the other person. Since you’re now freeing up so much time and energy from people you’re not that into, and people who are not that into you, you now find yourself perpetually in interactions where people’s intentions are clear and enthusiastic. Sweet!

The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” is applicable to dating, sex, relationships, even friendships. You may have absolutely nothing in common with that bartender. But they’re hot and are interested in getting down. Is it a “Fuck Yes!” for sex? It is? Then game on.

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Wrapped up in that sweet guy who treats you so well, except goes weeks without calling you and suddenly disappears after a couple drinks and a round of the horizontal polka? Been wondering if he really likes you? Do his excuses of being so busy all the time seem legit? It doesn’t sound like the answer is a “Fuck yes.” Then it’s time to move on.

Making out with a girl at your house and every time you go to take her shirt off she swats your hands away? That is not a “Fuck Yes,” my friend, therefore, it’s a no and you shouldn’t pressure her. The best sex is “Fuck Yes” sex — i.e., both people are shouting “Fuck Yes” as they hop between the sheets together. If she’s not hopping, then there’s no fucking.

(Hint Fellas: This is a great time to ask the girl why she’s not comfortable, and what she’s looking for from you. That, by itself — you know, treating her like a human and empathizing with her — often solves this “problem.”)

Want to date that woman you met last weekend but she keeps ignoring your texts and calls? Not sure what to say or do, especially since she seemed so happy to go out with you when you initially met her? Well, my friend, this is obviously not a “Fuck Yes.” Therefore, it is a “No.” Delete her number and move on.

Fuck Yes or No applies to relationships as well. My girlfriend works with a guy who got married because “it seemed like the right thing to do.” Four years later, he was cheating on his wife every chance he got. The marriage was not a Fuck Yes for him, therefore it should have been a No.

Sometimes The Law of Fuck Yes or No will apply differently on different levels. You may be a “Fuck Yes” for friendship with someone, but mildly excited to have sex with them. Therefore, it’s a no. You may be a “Fuck Yes” on banging someone’s brains out, but a definite “No” on actually spending any time with them. Apply the law to your decision-making as it suits your current needs.

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But the real beauty of The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” is that it simplifies the problems you can have in your dating life. When applying the Law of “Fuck Yes or No,” there are really only two problems one can have.

The first problem is people who never feel a “Fuck Yes” for anybody they meet. If you are lukewarm on absolutely everyone you meet, then either your demographics are way off, or you suffer from a lack of vulnerability and are protecting yourself by remaining indifferent and unenthused by all of those around you.

 

Remember, it’s your job to look for something cool in everyone you meet; it’s not their job to show you. This is life, not a fucking sales convention. Learning to appreciate people you meet is a skill you cultivate. So get on it. This doesn’t mean you have to fall in love with everyone who breathes in your direction. It just means you need to take responsibility for your ability to connect with the people you are meeting.

The second problem is people who never meet others who feel a “Fuck Yes” for them. If all of the people you pursue give you a mild responses, or outright rejections, then it’s time to focus on improving yourself. Ask yourself, what is it about yourself that would inspire others to say “Fuck Yes” about you? If the answer is not obvious, then you get to work. Build yourself into a person others would say “Fuck Yes” to.

And this is the ultimate dating advice lesson — man, woman, gay, straight, trans, furry, whatever — the only real dating advice is self improvement. Everything else is a distraction, a futile battle in the grey area, a prolonged ego trip. Because, yes, with the right tools and performance, you may be able to con somebody into sleeping with you, dating you, even marrying you. But you will have won the battle by sacrificing the war, the war of long-term happiness.

Repost from Mark Manson

Wait for the boy who will do anything to be your everything.

Love & light, Charlie x.


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Can women have sex like men? #nocommitment

Last night I was watching a tv show… (my trainer has asked me to stop over training at the moment to balance my hormones and Im left at night time with time) where the woman was stressed out and advised by her male business partners that she required a FWB… a friend with ‘benefits’.

It was recommended to her to find someone she is attracted to but had no respect for so they could enjoy a purely  physical relationship without the risk of getting attached.

Weve all watched Sex and the City, and if your like me…probably over and over. We know the story of Samantha who portrays a strong woman, knows what she wants, wont settle for anything less and is happy to be directed by her sexual fantasies with an ‘easy come, easy go’ in all senses of the words, attitude.

Can women have no commitment sex?

What I believe to be true…

Now, the pros are you both know it’s what it is, there’s no game playing, no sweetness, no fake promises. No sweet lies of romance (hopefully, if your FWB knows whats up), no leading on, no dating.

Its just a natural human  action you’ve both agreed to. And lets be real, we all want to feel the warm touch of someone sometimes.

This is type of relationship/agreement is fine if you are prepared to ignore emotions, because I promise you they will appear.

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As a woman is it possible to have sex without getting emotionally involved?

“Your naked body should only belong to those who fall in love with your naked soul.” –Charlie Chaplin, in a letter to his daughter, Geraldine.

For some, you might say yes. For me… no. Every time Ive decided to have this kind of arrangement, feelings appear, about someone who is not even close to what Im looking for. All because of the hormones released after sex. And youre being intimate, shouldnt there be a level of like/love?

‘A key hormone released during sex is oxytocin, also known as the ‘cuddle hormone’. This lowers our defences and makes us trust people more, says Dr Arun Ghosh, a GP specialising in sexual health at the Spire Liverpool Hospital.

It’s also the key to bonding, as it increases levels of empathy. Women produce more of this hormone, although it’s not clear why, and this means they are more likely to let their guard down and fall in love with a man after sex.

However, the problem is that the body can’t distinguish whether the person we’re with is a casual fling or marriage material — oxytocin is released either way. So while it might help you bond with the love of your life, it’s also the reason you may feel so miserable when a short-term relationship ends.’ Excerpt The Daily Mail.

“Friends with benefits? More than friends? Don’t sample the goodies unless you’re willing to risk addiction and withdrawal.’ Ann Landers
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To often, women use sex to get love.  Some women have been known to sleep with men in order to make them like them more (in the hope of a relationship developing) if this is you, get real, what are you doing?

Relationships rarely ever develop after a one nighter, first night, it’s a fairytale, or after a FWB agreement.

Men like to hunt and women gather, remember to give him something to chase if you want to see him again.

Value yourself.

Ask yourself is it really worth it? Sure it might feel good to get some feigned attention, but for how long? How do you feel after the deed is done and your on youre way home? Does it feel good when he only contacts you to see if your available for late night horizontal cardio?

From what I know (personal experience and from friends), most FWB agreements have a maximum 3 months expiration before feelings are developed and you’re simply left wanting more. Which of course wont be given as you’re the one breaking the deal. From what Ive heard its always the female who is asking for more as her bond to this man develops.

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To share your body with another and expect that you will not be emotionally involved is really only lying to yourself. 

Women are emotion beings. We like to nurture, to develop, so don’t be surprised when those feelings occur and you start to contemplate dating you’re FWB. Only problem is, he’s already getting what he wants, you made a deal and he most likely doesnt see you as relationship material.

‘It’s not who you want to spend Friday night with, it’s who you want to spend all day Saturday with’

What happened to the days of dating? Of simply crushing on someone, asking someone out, enjoying some time, getting to know them before giving them all of us? Call me old fashioned but this is the demise of relationships and dating everywhere. Those 1 night stand, the casual hookups, FWB agreements, secret facebook messages, instagram page likes…where is the love? It really is no wonder most of us are in a state of confusion. Were living in a world were actions mean nothing, yet mean everything. Words have lost value & communication is started by hiting a ‘like’ button.

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And if youve found youre special someone…hold onto them, value them… dont lose a diamond while chasing glitter.

Love & light, Charlie x.

Pretty happy here, waiting (but not) for someone special, whilst working on building my dreams.

Have you had a FWB? Has it worked?

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High Expectations or Close minded.

After a few disaster first dates (in succession), I have had to stop and take a moment to evaluate what was happening.

I made a vision board at the beginning of this year, in love it stated ‘to live with an open heart’.

I believed I was/am finally ready to find love, to feel love (you may recall my history, the cheating, abusive, lying ex, the fake engagement ring, the other girlfriends, and in turn my own insecurities emphasised).

‘The most precious gift we can offer anyone is our attention. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers.’ Thich Nhat Hanh

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However, as the dates fail, Im left to question… is it me? As I have cultivated self love, and am chasing my dreams, I know I am very driven. I believe hard work and persistence will eventuate to success. Is this too much for some males? I have come to the conclusion that it just might be (please note these are only my thoughts, about my experiences), especially if the male doesnt yet have their own dream job, or life in control. Is it threatening for a female to be more successful than the male they date?

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{#funny as my range Clean Treats aka #charliesballs are extremely popular this may be impossible literally}

Or is it just that my expectations of ‘just knowing’ are to high? I must admit I am a hopeless romantic (and I express this through all my social media channels repeatedly), the very thought of ‘just knowing’ makes my heart smile. So after 1 date with no fluttering of butterflies I chose to not pursue it and instead become ‘busy’.

“So it’s not gonna be easy. It’s gonna be really hard. We’re gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day…” – Ryan Gosling, The Notebook

It was brought to my attention that this could be very close minded thinking. A friend (who I would say is a serial dater, 3 or more per week) made a comment that to her it was the second date that was the most interesting, it was when you could talk about things deeper than the ‘who are you’, ‘what do you do’ level and find out if you actually had a connection (I wouldnt know as Im a 1 date wonder).

However, I value my time (if any of you have created a business you will understand the time it takes), in fact the honest truth is I would prefer to be labeling, designing, anything empire building elated then enduring these bad dates. If after 1 date I dont feel the ‘magic’ I dont feel it beneficial to invest more of my time. Believe it or not, but with the ex, I knew…from the moment I met him I would love him (perhaps this alone is a sign saying I shouldnt be looking for the same feeling).

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‘I knew the second I met you that there was something about you I needed. Turns out it wasnt something about you at all. It was just you.’ Beautiful Disaster, Jamie McGuire

Open heart…seems I am only able to give love without letting anyone get to close to me. Sadly, this is true. Ive spent so long re-building my life to where it is today (I experience complete happiness, contentment and bliss everyday) that I am living in fear of someone coming and taking it all away from me.

Seems to me I am still living in fear of heart break. Like what was done before, the tear apart your life heart breaking hurt, the kind that left me lifeless.

‘when you love someone / you are scared of getting hurt / and you will get hurt’ Brandon Scott Gorrell

As I read self help, self love and psychology books they all advise…never to settle. So as we get older, love ourselves more and become scure in our chosen careers, our list for a suitable companion also grows…becoming nearly impossible for anyone to succeed.

High expectations…is it too much to ask for flowers?

‘And in her smile I see something more beautiful than the stars’. Across the Universe, Beth Revis

Let me tell you, that the last 3 first dates I have been on, they each expected (and asked for) an invite upstairs to my apartment. This alone guarantees you no callback. Seriously? First date = action? I must have missed this rule whilst I’ve been to busy chasing my dreams. The worst, is that each of these guys are/were friends with me on facebook and I am quite sure that I make it known Im not that type of girl.

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A males expectations…horizontal cardio. My expectations…soul warming chat, perhaps a flower or 2, NO PRESSURE.

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No wonder were (Im) living in a world of confusion.

Love & light, Charlie x.

Or am I just in love with the idea of true love?

(thanks Disney)

‘He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.’
Bob Marley

#oneday.

Sex, & why you should get more of it.

If you really needed a reason to get some more horizontal action…

‘Sex is a part of nature. I go along with nature.’ Marilyn Monroe

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I felt like writing something fun, yet the most interesting for us all. Sex, lust, love, it’s all good for you, and recent studies also show it makes you smarter! Sex is medicine.

“Sexually active people take fewer sick days,” Yvonne K. Fulbright, PhD a sexual health expert.

The reasons why you should get more/give more of it….

Sex makes us happy;

According to a study, people who have sex at least 2-3 x per month are 33% happier then those that dont. Strangely interesting, we are happier when we have more sex, but we are also happier when we think we are getting more sex then our friends (we are such a competitive species, in every aspect!?) In 2004, after analyzing survey data on 16,000 people, Dartmouth researchers studying the health benefits of sex found that increasing intercourse from once a month to once a week led to an increase in happiness equivalent to that generated by an additional $50,000 in income to the average American.

Sex makes us happy. Happy people are more productive.

Sex is exercise; sexercise/cardiovascular training (if your working hard enough 😉

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This one Im sure we all know…Sex is great to tone up nearly every muscle in the body. Researchers concluded, “Sexual activity may potentially be considered, at times, as a significant exercise.” Sex burns approximately 4-5 calories per minute (just don’t use any high calorie foods, whipped cream, body chocolate etc as foreplay 😉

30 minutes = 120-150 calories….if your putting in the effort.

A good way to workout I would say.

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‘Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.’ Woody Allen

Sex is a form of stress relief;

Human contact and closeness can ease feelings of anxiety and of loneliness. We each crave to be held and to be supported. sex is a way we feel connected. Sex releases hormones, in particular oxytocin which give us the urge to nurture, connect and bond. Oxytocin also promotes generosity. Time to give some sex & love.

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‘Sex is emotion in motion.’ Mae West

Anti-ageing (prevention is always better than cure)

Sex releases positive, feel good hormones throughout the body whilst also opening the blood network to deliver them, plus nutrients and oxygen to the cells. This includes the skin. When we have healthier cells at the basal layer, we will promote a healthier, radiant, youthful skin. In women, sex releases growth hormone.

Boosts your immune system;

Studies show that people who have more sex (avg of 1-2 x per week) have a higher level of immunoglobulin A (IgA), a protein that is responsible for fighting infection in the body.

Lowers risk of heart disease (although may cause heart-break);

‘Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.’ W. C Fields

sex maintains your oestrogen and testosterone levels and keeps them in balance. All of the hormones that are released during sex promote healing and improved dilation of the capillaries (improved blood flow). In one study, men who had sex at least twice a week were half as likely to die of heart disease as men who had sex rarely.

Reduces prostate cancer risks;

Researchers at Nottingham University concluded that men who kept up a regular sex life in their 50s were at lower risk of developing prostate cancer (interesting, high sexual activity, more than 20 x per month in your 20s and 30s could increase the risk. Players be warned).

Enhance sleep;

After an orgasm your body releases the hormone Prolactin. This hormone is responsible or the feelings of relaxation and sleepiness.

Sex boosts Self Esteem;

‘Sex appeal is fifty percent what you’ve got and fifty percent what people think you’ve got.’ Sophia Loren

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The more you get, the more you want, the more attractive you feel. Interesting. One of the main reasons why we have sex is to boost our self esteem, good sex (wih love is even better) raises it, and we all need a self esteem boost every  now and then.

Sex can ease headaches (sorry but the ‘I have a headache’ excuse cant work anymore);

“Orgasm can block pain,” says Barry R. Komisaruk, PhD. during an orgasm the body release a hormone called ‘oxytocin’, amongst many other benefits, it is a powerful painkiller.

Sex can make you smarter;

Dr. Jens Forster at University of Amsterdam and Jacobs University Bremen found that people who merely thought about sex had better critical thinking skills than those who didn’t. Researchers at the University of Maryland have performed research (currently on  mice) that shows the increase of cognitive behaviour, memory and brain function when they were mating. these improvements declined when they stopped. (Note, I am highly against the cruelty of testing on animals) Sex promotes neurogenesis (production of new neurons in the brain), effectively increasing their brain power.

So, with all these amazing health benefits, its time to get your horizontal cardio happening. Sex is healthy, healthy is happy.

Love & light, Charlie x.

The younger man.

I have noticed a new trend amongst the absolutely beautiful women (I do mean inside & out) I know.

“Maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates and guys are just people to have fun with.” Candace Bushnell, Sex and the city

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A younger man attraction.

When delving into this comparatively ‘new found’ trend in my circle I found a few things.

I have become aware that the females I have started to call my friends, bond with and invest my time with are remarkably similar (sometimes we are in complete awe as to the complexities of these similarities) and have considered these women my soul sisters. They are all strong, driven, stunning (they radiate their beauty but are also truly beautiful girls), smart and successful in their chosen fields.

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‘I’ve been dating younger men since my 20s, When I was 29, I dated someone 21… younger men are just more fun. I like their energy. I’ve always been kind of young for my age.’ Dana Delany

Yet, most that I know are single struggling to find ‘the one’. This is where the younger man comes in.

As we get older we know that everyone has had their own trials and tribulations in their life. It is our duty as we evolve into adults nad become mature that we learn how to deal with our specific situations, releasing them before taking them into new love and situations (sometimes this doesnt exactly happen). It seems to me that both men and women in their 30’s have developed a self-protection layer around their heart, basically a fear of being hurt again. Also, it seems we are the true definition of ‘dont settle for less than you deserve’. Our list of ‘wants’ and ‘needs’ in a partner become quite particular to say the least.

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So when it comes to the strong women and a younger man, what makes it so appealing?

I can say from experience, its easy. We deal with our daily lives, pressures, business and of course as the time ticks the pressure of settling becomes more persistent. When something or someone fun, relaxed and carefree happens its easy to get swept along for the ride.

‘Some women flirt more with what they say, and some with what they do.’ Anna Held

A younger man is effortless. There is no pressure. It’s just easy, and it just happens. And to be honest, younger men seem to appreciate your womanly ways.

y3Is this wrong? I don’t think so, after all age is only a number and I can say some of the young men I know are far more mature than their age, and also some of the older men I know. Just remember to treat others as you want to be treated, be kind, be honest and be real.

We are all here to experience our own journeys, in the end you decide what you will accept, and what you wont. If someone gives you attention, treats you right and can make your heart smile, I say why not?

Love & light, Charlie x.

Off to book a moonlight cinema date with yes, a younger man, a glass of Merlot & protein balls.

 

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Sex to get love (women).

Women use sex to get love.

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‘Its easy to find someone to play with, almost anyone will do to fill your idle time. But that very special someone you can share all your dreams with can be so hard to find.’ India Arie

True or false? I believe this to be true.

Relationships can be so complicated. Communication is lost in translation. Women use sex as a way to get love, attention and affection.

We tend to use our bodies to express our feelings or as a way to gain emotional satisfaction. To ease feelings of loneliness, stress or sadness. To feel close to another person.

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Women use sex to gain attention from males, sometimes not in an appropriate manner. For fear of being judged for fear of not being wanted or accepted.

When was the last time you went on a first date and knew that sex was expected? What ever happened to dating? The 3 – 6 date rule, of actually knowing a person before getting to know them initmately?

It’s because of women that ‘put out’ on the first date that others struggle. Do you want a man who expects your body as his reward for taking you to dinner? When did this become ok? Unfortunately it is a dating GAME, when you give sex on the first night you also give away your power. Thought, how do you feel after?

‘Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.’ Oscar Wilde

 

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Where are our standards?

Women, instead of giving your body so easily for love, look for love in all the places that it is there for you, your family, your friends. When you give your body, serving yourself up on a platter, you don’t gain respect and very rarely will you get the love you desire (obviously this is different if you are in a long term relationship).

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‘I find the selectivity of erotic love – the choice of this man or woman – much more intelligible if liking the person is the origin of sexual interest, rather than the other way.’ Mortimer Adler

Does it matter if he judges you for not being a 1 date wonder? If so, its best that you move your gorgeous self on. Find someone who respects your worth, that values the beautiful person you are. Not just your sexual capacity. Hormones, pheromones and chemicals, perhaps that few glasses of wine with dinner will work against your common sense here. You may believe there is a connection, a must have now, desire, want, need. Sexual chemistry is powerful stuff. Create standards for yourself, for your own behaviour.

Just because you have sex does not mean he will commit to you. It does not mean he will love you. Sex is easy to get, anywhere and anytime. Create a sense of exclusivity, dont be the girl that everyone can have. Love yourself enough to know your own worth, how you would like to be treated.

Dont be a women that needs a man. Be a woman that a man needs (there is a difference).

‘It used be like me to settle for the physical , but these days it aint to easy to make up my mind, cause apparently your body is just a temporary to take up my precious time.’ India Arie

If you are happy to have casual sex, then of course, do so (safely). Just don’t question why no relationship evolves from a casual sex situation.

‘Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.’ Woody Allen

Respect yourself enough to ask for more.

Love & light, Charlie x.

(As always these are just my thoughts about the crazy world that is dating from a single girls view).

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