Depression & its Ebony tinted glasses.

Yesterday I had one of those days, I had felt it coming for a little while, my old enemy depression knocking at my door, waiting for its opportunity to come in and make himself at home (oddly I refer to it as him).

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And he did. It only took a few little things to escalate to a big thing. I started the over-thinking, over-awful sing, the ‘oh my Goodness it’s over’ thinking. The negative downward spiral that fast sends us out of control. Now I’m not perfect and I have never claimed to be. I am just like you, trying to make each day better, to live healthier and happier, hence why I have decided that becoming a Health coach is my calling, inspiring people is my passion, because I need the love & inspiration to surround me. I have studied and learnt about the body, the hormones and the way food affects us, especially in a depressed state (think how often you do something that is self harming when feeling down? the alcohol, the binge, the acting out towards a loved one, only to feel worse, these are all created from sense of fear and are acts of self sabotage). So I have created healthy happy rituals that are my ladder out of that black hole known as depression, or my light when the darkness takes over (the world is see through ebony tinted glades that once were rose but now everything that was once beautiful seems to have a black (ebony) tint, also know as the fog).

 

‘This is what I am. I have periods of enormous self-destructive depression, where I go completely off my trolley and lose all sight of reality and reason.’ Siobhan Fahey

 

 

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Life is not always going to be sunshine & roses (thank you for that fact rocky), but it truly is about how you deal with whatever it is that is thrown to you. Yesterday I jut let myself wallow for a moment (it lasted approx half an hr) I went to bed in the middle of the day I ate chocolate (organic though) and I cried. All The while my mind was in a battle, the positive vs the old negative beliefs were at war (you created this problem, you should have known better, the universe will look after you, it’s your own fault, I trust you, you can find a way, you don’t deserve happiness, it was good for a moment, you have to do the work, you can do it, just get up!). My heart and body just simply needed a time out.

 

‘I’ve had some dark nights of the soul, of course, but giving in to depression would be a sellout, a defeat.’ Christopher Hitchens

 

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So whilst I have suffered depression for many years now, it’s nowhere near the crippling, stay in bed self sabotage, self loathing, last for days on end as it was before. Because now I know I deserve good in my life. I have cultivated self love and self-dependence that even when the darkest storm comes in, the little light inside my heart will not be blown out, it will always burn, and it will always have my key mantra…’everything will always be ok, I love you on’ repeat for times like this when I need it. For you may not understand but every single positive thought, every happy action, every healthy habit you think and do is like water on this seed, everyday fertilising the light/flower within my heart and soul, and It’s miraculous, like a seed it grows and becomes stronger.

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‘Enthusiasm is followed by disappointment and even depression, and then by renewed enthusiasm.’ Murray Gell-Mann

Now, this little light, my true essence of being is protected like my own secret garden, it’s fiercely guarded. No one or nothing will ever take or blow this out. This does not mean that I don’t feel depression, sadness, loneliness, confusion or the ‘this is too hard’ thoughts (especially trying to run your own business as a giver, when the cost of living is a taker). But I can appreciate the dark low feelings. I can go to bed for a minimum amount of time, allow myself to cry express my frustration, and the what will I do thoughts of exasperation, but rather than wallow I have now built up enough positive thoughts and affirmations these are on repeat in my mind. So like a friend that says those ebony tinted glasses don’t suit you at all, I take them off (because we do live in an image based world and I am a women who attempts to take pride in my appearance) and instead replace them with my rose tinted glasses. Because when there is a will there is always a way.

‘Exercise is the most powerful and underutilized antidepressant and its free.’

Create healthy habits that keep you afloat through the storm. Understand that it is ok to feel bad. It’s fine. Don’t focus on the thoughts, the problems. Instead feel them, acknowledge them then get to your positive actions, be a problem solver. Go for a run. Read an inspirational book. Everything will always be ok and there is always light within the darkness you just have to look within yourself and be ready to see it. Life is nt meant to be easy, but you choose your thoughts like the way you choose what your wear, will you put on the dark unflattering ebony tinted glasses or will you choose to be your best self and put on the flattering pretty rose-tinted glasses?

The choice, has and will always be yours.

Love & light, Charlie x.

Today Im wearing my favourite Rose (& gold) tinted glasses to see my world in sunshine, light & happiness.

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Wanting what we cant have.

The forbidden fruit syndrome. I’m sure you’ve experienced this at some stage of you life; from aesthetically wanting to be taller, thinner, prettier; to relationships, wanting who you can’t have, or know someone who has.

When it comes to health; when we restrict ourselves on diets, we automatically want and desire the foods we ‘arent allowed’.

‘You change your life by changing your heart’. 

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I’ve been heard saying (many times) ‘why do I always seem to fall for the ones I can’t have’? (I’ve also heard this more times than I can count from girlfriends and guy friends alike). We want what we can’t have.

Studies show that when you are told NO, it increases your desire, your want and need. The mind becomes fixated on getting a YES. We really are complicated  creatures with an intricate thinking process.

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In terms of dating what is it that attracts us to those that are emotionally, mentally or physically unavailable to us? Is it the thrill of the chase? Is it a desire for self-justification, or proving self-worth when and of they finally say yes? What happens when you dont get that justification?

You may have chased someone, frustrated with their lack of interest, for them to turn around and be interested and you actually decide your actually not interested (a common occurrence).

‘If a person wants to be a part of your life, they will make an obvious effort to do so.  Think twice before reserving a space in your heart for people who do not make an effort to stay.’

We hear of it repeatedly with marriage affairs; a woman or man is happy to be the ‘mistress or man on the side’ but when the married party talks about divorce it’s as though your pouring ice cold water over a burning hot flame, the side party is no longer interested.

If someone is unattainable, either they are already committed or unable to commit, it does not mean you are not good enough, or that you are not worthy of love. remember everyone has their own beautiful life journey, we are all at different times and stages of it. When it is right, you will both be in the right situation, the right time.

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We associate love and pleasure in our brains releasing Dopamine. This can make it difficult to break away from situations where the romance is unsuitable and clearly not beneficial of your time. Dopamine makes us feel good, when we remove the situation that creates this feeling our body, the mind will crave it, its a natural response to want to feel good. Sometimes its the drama we are addicted to; the highs, the lows, the circle of unpredictability. How healthy is this? This circle is destructive to any bonds of intimacy you hope to create and it wont be long before you feel depleted, alone and confused. My advice, find other ways to create pleasure, spend some time with people who are available; loved ones who care and respect you.

‘Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.’ Audrey Hepburn

unfortunately there is no consolidation (from the song)  being “with the one you’re with” when it’s not the “one you want.” But the good news is that time does heal everything and you deserve better than being on the side or someones part time. If you are with someone who is not the one you want, my opinion is that you should spend some time being on your own, not mis treating someone who is giving you their priceless time and affection, rather wait patiently for something that is right to come along, rather than just being with anyone.

Some people are unattainable; people who are married, in a relationship, I even believe seeing someone continuously (building something). Dont be the person to break apart these commitments.

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Find someone that is available and you can become unavailable together.

‘If anyone can have it, I dont want it’.

In the terms of diet, stop restrictive thinking. You can have anything you want, just remember; Junk foods create junk moods. Choose to honour your body, and if you need that 3 pm chocolate, choose dark chocolate full of Cacao/antioxidants. Balance.

Love & light, Charlie x.

Remember karma, what goes around comes around.

As always these are simply my thoughts about the complex world that is dating and the amazing gorgeous thing called LIFE.

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Self Love Sunday…Be your own best friend.

As life transitions I cant help but question the choices and decisions I have been making, what is right, what is perhaps not so?

‘It takes courage to grow up and become who you truly are’.

What opinions have I been paying too much attention to and what opportunities have I overlooked? These thoughts are feelings of fear; fear of failure. They are created from a place within me that is scared to fail, to ‘not make it’ (whatever that means).

I have been thinking and acting towards myself as though I was someone I didn’t really care for. This is acting as my own worst enemy. Self love is learning to be your own best friend, being able to know you’ve got your own back in times of stress or need.

‘What would you attempt if you knew you could not fail?’

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‘It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.’ Theodore Roosevelt

 

As I re-evaluate these thoughts and exactly where they are coming from, I realise that I havent been 110% dedicated to creating the change in my life that I desire. I havent been as productive as I could. In fact, I have been less than as my old patterns of self sabotage are returning. Finding reasons and ways to destroy this amazing happiness that I have found. After all, what did I ever do to deserve this?

All my life I have a tendency to self sabotage the good that comes into my life. This was created from a very young age, a feeling of not deserving good in my life, of not being good enough. Good things would occur, I wouldnt feel deserving or worthy and find ways to ruin it.

The fact is, every single person deserves the happiness they seek.

My Sunday self-love act this week is to make a plan, to write it down and utilise my time effectively. To put in the extra effort that I know is required to become more of who I am.

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‘I failed my way to success’. Thomas Edison

They say success is not about how many times you fail, but about how many times you get back up and try again. Often we look at successful inspirational people, viewing their lives from the outside and thinking ‘wow’, it can all look so easy. Yet, we have no idea of their own personal battles they may be fighting. I believe this is what success is, to truly over come your inner fear and ego and let yourself shine. To try and make a mistake, acknowledge it and then try again….this is SUCCESS. You just have to keep going, then how can you fail? (these are all affirmations to myself).

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‘One who fears failure limits his activities. Failure is only the opportunity to more intelligently begin again.’ Henry Ford

Self Sabotage can be acts of procrastination, of avoidance. Self Sabotage is creating a limitation for yourself. Sure you may have a dream, but how far and how hard are you prepared to work to achieve it? Self sabotage may be finding yourself so close to your dream then faltering, or procrastinating with the little things that will take you to that higher level (think a race horse, trained with the ability to win a huge race, yet fear stops him at the gate). your own limitations keep you in your safety zone.

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Today I am making a conscious choice to stop being my own worst enemy, and instead I will be my own best friend. I will not pay any attention to my inner mean girl. She will get no love or attention from me.

We often forget the way we treat ourselves can be less than appropriate, yet give our love willingly away to those we call our friends. Treat yourself as you would someone you really care about. The way you would your very best friend in need of support.

Are you procrastinating the gym? Why? Are you procrastinating a difficult conversation, why? For me, I’ve been procrastinating putting in that extra 20% required to make it, for fear of really trying and failing, of not being good enough.

‘Our greatest glory consist not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.’ Oliver Goldsmith

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Today I choose to act with self love. To make a promise and commitment to my dream, to do anything and everything it takes (including changing my direction and overcoming hurdles) to make it my reality.

Love & light, Charlie x.

Your life, your responsibility.

Many people know what they want yet have no idea to get there. Many aren’t prepared to take action towards their goals. Whilst others aren’t sure what their goals are.

‘The greatest day in your life and mine is when we take total responsibility for our attitudes. That’s the day we truly grow up.’ John c. Maxwell

 

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What is it that you really want from life? If you could change anything in the life that you are living now, what would it be?

If you want something, do everything you possibly can to make it happen. Take action. Daily. Consciously. Make a change today.

You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.’ Abraham Lincoln

Find your goal and make a plan. Other people can’t achieve your goal for you it’s yours. Make decisions about achieving your goal then give it your all, your mind, body & soul. Dedicate your heart to your passion and achieving it. You can create your dream reality, if you focus. Energy goes where intention flows.

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Stop playing the victim and giving other people the power to change your life. And stop waiting for other people to make your life better, or make your dreams come true. You are the only one who can change your life.

You can choose to be happy, just as you can choose to be unhappy.

‘One reason so few of us achieve what we truly want is that we never direct our focus; we never concentrate our power. Most people dabble their way through life, never deciding to master anything in particular.’ Tony Robbins

Whatever happens, if it works, if it doesn’t, if you make mistakes… IT DOESNT MATTER. Mistakes are proof that you are trying. If you truly want to make a change realise that you can, believe in the beauty of your capabilities and make it happen. It wont be easy but it will be worth it.  Be prepared to learn, to grow and develop in your life. Be flexible, allow your direction to change as your life does.

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‘It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light. Aristotle Onassis

As I’m learning about business and working for yourself, I have realised I’ve been asking a lot of my friendships and from the people in my life, in terms of support and connections. I realised this when I was  experiencing a feeling of disappointment and being ‘let down’. I had to stop to think about where these emotions were coming from, what was occurring at the time and how much was I depending on other people to do the work for me? I soon realised, I had become dependant. I was utilising my support system as foundations of my business (rather then my internal strength) when they should simply be supporting structures (of a building, not 100% on this terminology, but Im sure you understand what I mean). My lesson, don’t rely on other people to do the work for you, they have their own lives to keep their focus on and no one can do what you do the way you do it.

1468706_10152113662923619_1138440331_nOne’s philosophy is not best expressed in words; it is expressed in the choices one makes… and the choices we make are ultimately our responsibility.’ Eleanor Roosevelt

Goals are dreams with a deadline. Consciously plant the positive seeds in your mind to support the beautiful garden of your mind. Plant seeds of strength. Belief. Faith. Realise what it is you dream of becoming, the life you dream of living then strive to succeed with perseverance and determination.

Dont just live your life, design a life you love to live.

Love & light, Charlie x.

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Self Love Sunday..give thanks.

Self love Sunday, the day of the week to truly do something for you.

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Today, Im taking a moment to stop and give thanks. Ive been so busy creating change, falling in love with my life and taking every opportunity presented to me, I wanted to thank myself for everything (good and bad) that I am creating.

‘Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.’ Epicurus

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How often to we ever just say ‘thank you’?

Thank you for:

Choosing healthier foods today.

Thank you for exercising.

Thank you for reading motivational quotes/books.

Thank you for having that difficult conversation.

Thank you for living in the moment.

Thank you for letting go of the past.

Thank you for taking the extra time to care for yourself.

‘When you rise in the morning, give thanks for the light, for your life, for your strength. Give thanks for your food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason to give thanks, the fault lies in yourself.’ Tecumseh

 

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Take a moment to appreciate yourself. I understand that to live your life well is hard work, it takes daily dedication, daily thought changing and consistence. But it is worth it.

Take a moment to say thank you for all the hard work you are doing to live a better life, to become the best version of yourself. This is not acting with your ego, this is an act of self love. We strive to feel appreciated by others for the things we do for them, why dont we appreciate all the things we do for ourselves for a moment?

By honouring our commitment and appreciating our effort we begin to cultivate an attitude of gratitude. Something that we can always have more of. Gratitude for everything in our life, for everything we are blessed with. Even, the things you determine are ‘bad’, you have created them for a reason, to learn something or from a need within you. Be grateful.

‘Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, know that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation.’ Brian Tracy

 

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I know this may feel a little selfish, but its important to feel a sense of accomplishment and achievement when you are creating change in your life. Accept that where you are is in your life, is exactly where you should be, and appreciate that every small healthy habit, every small positive thought is a step towards living the life you dream of.

When something good happens, think a thankful thought.

Thank you for allowing good into your life. Thank you for creating opportunities. Thank you for choosing positive thoughts.

“We don’t realize that, somewhere within us all, there does exist a supreme self who is eternally at peace.”
―Elizabeth Gilbert

Today, Im thankful for opening my heart (my biggest fear), and allowing new opportunities into my life.

Love & light, Charlie x.

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‘What if’…a wasted thought.

‘What if’, a thought too often used, yet such a waste timeout precious time.

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As I’m making changes in my life and trying to get the things done that need to be done in order to get to where I want to be, I’m finding some sneaky little ‘what if’ thoughts growing like little weeds in my mind.
‘What if it doesn’t work’?
‘What if you aren’t any good?’
‘What if it goes wrong?’

‘What if…’

The little ‘what if’ thoughts that if given enough thought or time can be enough to create fear and perhaps stop you from reaching your full potential.

‘Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another’ Napoleon Hill

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Everything in life is a risk, only some risks are bigger then others.

‘Ignore the risk, and take the fall, if its meant to be, it’s worth it all.’

What are you prepared to risk or give up in order to create and live a life you love?

Are you prepared to give up social weekends full of guilty pleasures in favour of healthy activities to achieve your health goal?
Are you prepared to work extra hours in the day to get the things that need to be done, done?
Are you prepared to risk your heart for the chance of true love?

Every small choice we make is a risk, is it right or wrong, well I don’t believe it’s generally either, some choices can definitely be better than others, whilst others not so good. But this is the beauty of life, to learn, to grow (and to not make the same mistake twice 😉

How much time and energy do you give to the ‘what ifs’ of life?
What if he doesn’t call?
What if I lose my job/competition?
What if I’m not successful? (Who deems success anyway?)

The more time you give these thoughts, is like the more water you are giving them (the weeds) to  grow.

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‘Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results.’ Willie Nelson

We don’t want weeds in the beautiful garden that is your mind and life.
Get rid of them. Do whatever it takes.

Choose to think of something that creates an automatic feeling of ‘good’ within you; a family member or friend, the last gorgeous place you visited, think of the time you last felt happy. Recreate that emotional feeling/reminisce and your emotions will hear your thoughts and you will feel accordingly.

mia2If you find it difficult to get out of your own head (I definitely do) go outside, move your body, breathe.
Or, in case of emergency/times of stress, keep soul music available. Music does wonders in changing your thought process and occupying your mind especially if it is something you love & feel.
(I recently discovered The XX, and is my current go to).

Figure out your ‘switch to’ thought of well-being.

‘Happiness is an attitude.  We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong.  The amount of work is the same.’ Francesca Reigler

It’s perfectly normal to be anxious and apprehensive before making choices and decisions, and my goodness there are so many of them! We live in an age with an abundance of choice, and seem to be all striving for perfection. The pressure we place on ourselves to make the ‘right choices’ and be socially acceptable/successful is ridiculous, so what if you make mistakes (note to self) have a giggle and laugh it off, learn from it. Mistakes are proof that you are trying. And we all make them.

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So today, try to think of yourself as a nourishing Gardener; do you want your garden featured on the cover of house & home? Knowing that you grew every single plant and flower with time & love? (Positive, kind, loving thoughts).
Or do you want to just ‘let it happen’,  let the weeds grow until it becomes an over grown mess your neighbours are complaining about?

I know which choice I’m making.

Love & light, Charlie x.

Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine.  ~Anthony J. D’Angelo.

Perfectly (Im)perfect…

Did you wake up this morning with loving, positive affirmations for your self? Or did you wake up with internal turmoil?

“There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. To me, that is the true essence of beauty.” Steve Maraboli

pp2‘If you can learn to love yourself and all the flaws, you can love other people so much better. And that makes you so happy.’ Kristin Chenoweth

Tell me, When you look in the mirror, what do you see?

Do you look into your own eyes with gratitude & self love, or do you look straight at your ‘flaws’; wishing you were prettier, taller, thinner?

These are 2 very different thought processes that will have create very different emotions about how you feel about yourself.

What if you loved yourself? (Not in an egotistical manner) What if you accepted yourself as beautiful exactly as you are?

What if you delighted in your flaws?

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Learn to love your flaws, the things you may think of as imperfect and no one can use them against you. You may also be able to move forward in life whilst being aware of the ‘flaws’ and actively (if possible) grow, develop and alter them.

 “We are all wonderful, beautiful wrecks. That’s what connects us–that we’re all broken, all beautifully imperfect.”  Emilio Estevez

Perfectly (I’m) perfect… whose decision is it anyway to decide what perfect is? What is perfect beauty, perfect weight or the perfect body?

We are all beautiful as our individual selves. You were made to be different. Accept it.

Be the best version of yourself with what you have.

Nobody is perfect.

‘Perfect is boring, your imperfections are what truly make you beautiful’.

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I’m currently in preparation for a Fitness Model competition.  During this time I have learnt that you really cannot achieve anything great without enthusiasm; that unless your heart is dedicated to your goal, you won’t achieve the optimum results you are after.

Results require hard work, every day. In every aspect of Life.

Evaluating myself, areas I can improve, I realised I havent dedicated or committed myself 100% to this competition prep. Which in turn leaves me  (4 days out from stage) still unsure if I will get on stage (or not).

‘Im a perfectionist. sometimes I hae to remind myself that its okay if there are flaws here and there.’ Tyra Banks.

Perfectly (I’m) perfect, I could be heart-broken or upset at myself, however, I know in my heart I haven’t truly committed or given the diet and intense training my all. Instead, I’ve been following my heart, writing this blog, working with clients, creating quotes/images…and that gives me soul satisfaction, my commitement is rewarded by finding and living my passion.

I’m not perfect, and I will never claim to be. This blog, my writing may be full of mistakes, but I write from my heart. That is what matters most. It’s perfectly imperfect, it’s perfectly me, flaws and all, grammar mistakes, poor English, but it’s truly me.

Learn to do the things you want to do with great love, accept that you might not get it right the first time; practice makes perfect. Commit to your goals, commit to your personal improvement and development and you will get there. You will get better at whatever it is you dedicate your heart and soul to. This is a fact.

My lesson; understand that I can do anything, but I cannot do everything.

Perhaps you look in the mirror and automatically think negative thoughts. These are affirmations. Simply…Stop it.

Instead look in the mirror, say  I love you’. What a unique feeling. Look in the mirror, say ” today will be a good day’.

See that little twinkle shining in your eye? That is your heart and your soul responding to those positive affirmations.

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Perhaps you look in the mirror and think I wish I could lose weight? Stop wishing start doing! If you want to lose weight; firstly think about how good being healthy feels. I can promise you, if you change your mindset and every day just focus on being a little healthier, on feeling a little better, on moving your body just a little…the weight will disappear.

‘The big thing ive discovered, the big secret, is that its all about how happy you are. Its the ultimate thing. People forget your flaws and imperfections if they see youre happy.’ Sienna Miller

You may have flaws such as reacting rather than responding, being ill-tempered, being ‘self absorbed’. Try everyday to improve these traits.

Respond in a calm manner, don’t let your emotions get the best of you/act in a compassionate way, and instead of acting in a self absorbed/it’s all about me manner, remember that every single person is facing their own demons, their own life struggles. Stop judging. Accept we are all perfectly imperfect.

Every day, you can improve the small ‘flaws’, whilst truly loving who you are.

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all, asked the queen. Every day the mirror answered, you are My queen. Until one day there was a beauty born, with love, compassion and a generous soul, the mirror replied, there is another; she is the fairest of them all… Snow White (words may not be the direct quote). Snow White became beautiful in not only her looks but in her manner, she was beautiful on the inside and it radiated outwards for all to see.

Develop love for yourself, compassion and care and your inner beauty will shine through.

Love & light, Charlie x.

You are perfect exactly as you are. You are exactly as you were meant to be.

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