Last night I was watching a tv show… (my trainer has asked me to stop over training at the moment to balance my hormones and Im left at night time with time) where the woman was stressed out and advised by her male business partners that she required a FWB… a friend with ‘benefits’.
It was recommended to her to find someone she is attracted to but had no respect for so they could enjoy a purely physical relationship without the risk of getting attached.
Weve all watched Sex and the City, and if your like me…probably over and over. We know the story of Samantha who portrays a strong woman, knows what she wants, wont settle for anything less and is happy to be directed by her sexual fantasies with an ‘easy come, easy go’ in all senses of the words, attitude.
Can women have no commitment sex?
What I believe to be true…
Now, the pros are you both know it’s what it is, there’s no game playing, no sweetness, no fake promises. No sweet lies of romance (hopefully, if your FWB knows whats up), no leading on, no dating.
Its just a natural human action you’ve both agreed to. And lets be real, we all want to feel the warm touch of someone sometimes.
This is type of relationship/agreement is fine if you are prepared to ignore emotions, because I promise you they will appear.
As a woman is it possible to have sex without getting emotionally involved?
“Your naked body should only belong to those who fall in love with your naked soul.” –Charlie Chaplin, in a letter to his daughter, Geraldine.
For some, you might say yes. For me… no. Every time Ive decided to have this kind of arrangement, feelings appear, about someone who is not even close to what Im looking for. All because of the hormones released after sex. And youre being intimate, shouldnt there be a level of like/love?
‘A key hormone released during sex is oxytocin, also known as the ‘cuddle hormone’. This lowers our defences and makes us trust people more, says Dr Arun Ghosh, a GP specialising in sexual health at the Spire Liverpool Hospital.
It’s also the key to bonding, as it increases levels of empathy. Women produce more of this hormone, although it’s not clear why, and this means they are more likely to let their guard down and fall in love with a man after sex.
However, the problem is that the body can’t distinguish whether the person we’re with is a casual fling or marriage material — oxytocin is released either way. So while it might help you bond with the love of your life, it’s also the reason you may feel so miserable when a short-term relationship ends.’ Excerpt The Daily Mail.
“Friends with benefits? More than friends? Don’t sample the goodies unless you’re willing to risk addiction and withdrawal.’ Ann Landers
To often, women use sex to get love. Some women have been known to sleep with men in order to make them like them more (in the hope of a relationship developing) if this is you, get real, what are you doing?
Relationships rarely ever develop after a one nighter, first night, it’s a fairytale, or after a FWB agreement.
Men like to hunt and women gather, remember to give him something to chase if you want to see him again.
Ask yourself is it really worth it? Sure it might feel good to get some feigned attention, but for how long? How do you feel after the deed is done and your on youre way home? Does it feel good when he only contacts you to see if your available for late night horizontal cardio?
From what I know (personal experience and from friends), most FWB agreements have a maximum 3 months expiration before feelings are developed and you’re simply left wanting more. Which of course wont be given as you’re the one breaking the deal. From what Ive heard its always the female who is asking for more as her bond to this man develops.
To share your body with another and expect that you will not be emotionally involved is really only lying to yourself.
Women are emotion beings. We like to nurture, to develop, so don’t be surprised when those feelings occur and you start to contemplate dating you’re FWB. Only problem is, he’s already getting what he wants, you made a deal and he most likely doesnt see you as relationship material.
‘It’s not who you want to spend Friday night with, it’s who you want to spend all day Saturday with’
What happened to the days of dating? Of simply crushing on someone, asking someone out, enjoying some time, getting to know them before giving them all of us? Call me old fashioned but this is the demise of relationships and dating everywhere. Those 1 night stand, the casual hookups, FWB agreements, secret facebook messages, instagram page likes…where is the love? It really is no wonder most of us are in a state of confusion. Were living in a world were actions mean nothing, yet mean everything. Words have lost value & communication is started by hiting a ‘like’ button.
And if youve found youre special someone…hold onto them, value them… dont lose a diamond while chasing glitter.
Love & light, Charlie x.
Pretty happy here, waiting (but not) for someone special, whilst working on building my dreams.
Have you had a FWB? Has it worked?