Busy or productive?

The most common reply I receive when asking ‘how are you?’, is ‘Im just SO busy.’ Yet I have to wonder if this ‘busyness’ is just a quick response, a way to verify our importance. Im busy, therefore I am important. But how often is your ‘busyness’ productive?

‘Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans’. John Lennon


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I have found that busy can actually mean chaotic and stressed, and means I’m unsure how to plan my time efficiently and effectively.

I know this to be true for myself. Yesterday I failed to plan my day right, therefore I found myself doing things twice, taking longer and having to redo things that should have been done and rush to get everything into my day. Failure to plan created anxiety, stress and pure frustration at myself.

We all have the same amount of hours in the day. We all have the same hours as Beyonce & Barack Obama, you have the same amount of hours as the person who inspires you most.

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Busy, does this verify your importance? Not at all. Busy can mean the opposite, it can mean that you are not taking the time to evaluate your  core needs and core requirements i.e fitness, healthy eating and ‘me’ time. Busy can be a disguise for the things we hide inside, particularly loneliness. In a social aspect I know certain people who book up there social calendar until its overflowing, as a way to feel wanted, needed. Then because they have not yet discovered the importance of commitment to your word, they cancel last minute. Is this productive? A sign of respect or appreciation for your loved ones time and energy? (I used to be prone to doing this ALL the time, now, if I say I will be somewhere I will).

Busy…what are you chasing? Success? That promotion at work? The pat on the back? The 6 pack?

‘So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they’re busy doing things they think are important. This is because they’re chasing the wrong things.’ Morrie Schwartz

Take some time to SLOW down, appreciate the moment you are in and ou will see, this is happiness. Not tomorrow or when those things happen, right now. Take time to breathe. If thats all you do today, thats fine to. Breathe it all in, let it all out. Deeply.

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When we take a time out from the ‘busyness’, notice what comes up for you…boredom? Loneliness? Look into your emotions and feelings and where they are derived from. This will give you a greater sense of self, a sense of strength to be more productive in everything you do.

‘No matter how busy you are, you must take time to make the other person feel important.’ Mary Kay Ash

Busy is a word that the monkey mind loves. Thoughts swinging around, no mental focus or clarity, 100 projects on the go with no real direction. Hmm, no wonder by the end of the day you feel exhausted.

Take time to plan effectively, every day. As Im building a business, I have found that I say ‘yes’ to anything and everything (work) that comes my way, as you know there is no stability when you work for yourself, so Im living in a ‘do what you can now’ mentality.

But I needed to take a step back. Last week I was sick for a whole week. I cant remember the last time I have felt so bad. It was my body, letting me know I needed to slow down.

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‘Being busy does not always mean real work. The object of all work is production or accomplishment and to either of these ends there must be forethought, system, planning, intelligence, and honest purpose, as well as perspiration. Seeming to do is not doing.’ Thomas A. Edison

My day:

6am Morning movement

Breakfast, Blog, Social Media

#balling.

Get myself pretty (attempt 😉

Deliver orders.

Lunch, admin/design, emails, social media.

Meetings, collaborations.

TRAINING (I missed you)

Dinner, research.

Prepare orders. READ, Meditate or Yoga. Bed by 10pm.

This may not look like a lot, but I am happy to say, I am proud of my efforts, my accomplishments, every day, especially the days that I plan.

Love & light, Charlie x.

Make a plan and commit to it. Are you busy or productive.

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Monday Motivation…you.

Good morning gorgeous being. Thank goodness its Monday, right? (YES!) The beginning of a new week, a new day, a time to just let yesterday, last week, and perhaps if you over indulged in the weekend (I did)…go.

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Just let it go. Start fresh today. A new day brings new opportunities, don’t even worry about tomorrow, just for today be healthier, be happier and make better choices. Every day matters.

‘Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.’ Thomas Jefferson

Today I’m dedicating my Monday motivation post to my new clients starting Be Well; the Project.

With your decision to change, to realise that you can become more of the gorgeous creation you already are, you have motivated me.

Recently I’ve been feeling like I needed a direction, a goal, a plan. As I’m trying to cultivate my own sense of self, for this is exactly what my journey is about, growing and developing whilst trying to build a business, and sharing my journey with you. I felt like I was beginning to drift, losing my own ssense of direction. I no longer compete as a fitness model, I had no training focus, Ive been feeling disconnected to my yoga practice & studio and instead I created my new business ‘Clean Treats {made with love} by Charlie…healthy, happy, no guilt treats that call my name as I work from my home office.

The world is not all sunshine and rainbows. As I try to develop and grow my business, their are upsets and disappointments.

You got a dream. You gotta protect it. People can’t do somethin’ themselves, they wanna tell you you can’t do it. If you want somethin’, go get it. Period. Pursuit of happiness.

 

 

 

 

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So whilst I promote living life in balance, I am a stress eater, I eat my emotions and when I’m a little concerned, stressed or under pressure…I eat to feel satiety and a sense of security. this is something I have always struggled with. Im a single girl, in the city, trying to make my dream my reality. I have no one to hold my hand or pat my back each night, hold me in their arms and tell me everything will be ok (I do use mediation and my own journal for this), no one to bounce business ideas off, and no coach to be accountable to.

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So I have come to the realisation that I havent been living my authentic truth. Or, I had in fact been living in a way that is self sabotaging. Because I am extremely blessed to have accomplished the things I have so far, but more so to do what I love, I realised it was and has been my own self limitations and poverty/limited success beliefs that have held me where I am. In my current situation, using food as a ‘guilt trip’.

Because I am creating my dream reality, doing things I never thought possible, I have created a ‘bad habit’ (to many clean treats & sugar addiction) as a way to limit myself, my body goals and also as a way to cultivate the sense og guilt I’m so used to living with. This feeling I used to get from holding onto that bad relationship, a belief system that I didnt deserve good in my life. Without that I have unconsciously created a new ‘guilt’/ bad habit that has me feeling ‘Im not good enough’ (too much healthy treats).

‘Limits, like fears are often just an illusion’ Michael Jordan

The truth is I am goo enough. You are good enough. Limits are only creations in our mind. Perhaps they stem from a belief system that is imprinted within us from an early age, but the truth is, anything you dream you can do, you can. You just have to believe. And you have to do the work.

‘If you not what your worth, you have to go out and get what your worth’ Rocky. 

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So as I have been unaccountable for my own actions, and feeling like I needed my own sense of direction, Im joining in on Be Well; the Project (most of the actions are my daily healthy habits, but I want to create a sense of accountability and responsibility). I am advancing my own project a little further (feel free to join me) 21 days gluten, dairy & refined sugar free, and I am incorporating the ancient Ayurvedic technique that is ‘oil pulling’.

Oil pulling for oral health and detoxification was introduced to the United states in the early 90’s by Dr. F. Karach. This technique is used to treat bacteria in the mouth. As the lipid/oil preferably unrefined coconut, or sesame seed oil is held in your mouth for 20 minutes, pulls bacteria from your mouth. Studies have shown increased dental strength, whitening, prevention of gum disease and cavities, and as a possible cure for bad breath.

Other possible benefits include headache and migraine relief, balance of hormones (perfect for me!), improved skin, reduction of pain, a hangover cure, insomnia relief, and supports normal kidney function.

How to do it: Use a tablespoon of preferably organic, unrefined coconut oil, sesame seed oil, sunflower oil or olive oil. Hold and swish in your mouth for 10-20 minutes before spitting it out, do not swallow (also spit the oil into a bag, not your sink as oils such as coconut will cause blockages).

Have you experienced Oil Pulling before? Please let me know I would love to hear your thoughts!

If you are interested in joining me on the 21 day {plus 1 week} intro, Be Well;the Project, it’s not to late, simply email me charlie@charliedehaas.com.au

You have the power to make this life free and beautiful.

Love & light, Charlie x.

Thank you to my beautiful clients who are my source of inspiration.

Are you free tomorrow night? 6pm at Real Food Connection in Camperdown, join me for some healthy treats, sip on coconut water and learn about all things health and wellness.

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The Perfect Match

We are told…anything you want, you can have. In the world of dating is this true? Is there a number/rating match that determines who should be with who?

consciously or not we find ourselves physically drawn to good looking people, obviously this is due to our pheromones, our sexual desire, but it also goes deeper within us as an integral need and desire for healthy, strong, beautiful children.

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Women are attracted to strong men. This creates the feeling of safety and protection. To feel feminine, we require a man who is masculine, dominant than ourselves.

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Men are drawn to kind, loving women, these characteristics provide the basics of creating a good home.

When it comes to physical attraction, is there a like attracts like system? For example, does a man who works out, with a 6 pack, takes his health seriously, find a girl that does the same attractive? Or is it better to be from separate worlds? Some research shows you should look for someone who does what you do.

If one person in the relationship is fitness/image orientated, is the other required to be also? Or are we ‘allowed’ as such to put on the baby love few kilos, you know at the beginning when all you do is eat, spend time in bed, eat, drink wine, spend time in bed…

Must you have the same interests, the same music tastes, the same ideals? What traits are ok to compromise, and what isnt? Would you rather be with someone rather than no one? (If the answer is yes here, perhaps you need to spend some time cultivating self love and learning to be ok in your own company).

‘When you stop trying to find the right man and start becoming the right woman, the right man will find his way to you.’ Cher

How can you find your perfect match? How alike can you be and how different can your interests be?

‘You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover’s arms can only come later when you’re sure they won’t laugh if you trip. ‘ Jonathan Carroll, “Outside the Dog Museum”

I remember a time when a friend of mine kept a ‘list’, in fact researching this post I’ve found this same advice numerous times. This list was composed of qualities that she wanted in a man, some article from some women’s magazine had advised to keep this list under your pillow at night (as if you could dream your perfect man into reality). Does this work?

Now, I do have to disagree with this as whilst I am one for creating lists (goals, to-do etc), Im unsure about creating a ‘perfect man/woman’ list. What happens if the person you meet fails to tick a box? Because they don’t pass the list 100% does that mean they aren’t worthy of investing your time?

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‘Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction.’ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry,Wind, Sand and Stars, 1939, translated from French by Lewis Galantière

What are we prepared to compromise in order to find our true loves? Are you prepare to look beyond your traditional type? (For me the typical, tall dark nad handsome makes my heart flutter 🙂

I know alot of women (myself included) who have the tendency to always go for the ‘bad;’ guy, you know the one with no respect, no care or appreciation of who you are, your time, or the things you do, and always end up getting hurt, therefore making statements like ‘i just want a nice guy’. When the ‘nice/good’ guy comes around, they either get bored or friend zone him and chase the guy that didn’t want them and treated them badly (because they are addicted to the drama, I speak from previous experience).

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‘Do I love you because you’re beautiful,
Or are you beautiful because I love you?
~Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein II, Cinderella

This is one fact I know for sure, that when you develop feelings and fall in love with someone, everything they do, everything they are is beautiful. Because you fall in love with who they are, their soul.

I would love to hear your thoughts, please comment or feel free to email me charlie@charliedehaas.com.au

Are you in a like/like relationship? Are you in an opposite/opposite relationship? Let me know, as a single girl in the city, following my dreams, the dating world intrigues me 🙂

Love & light, Charlie x.

{As for me, I do believe the appropriate quote is true}

‘Mr. Right’s coming, but he’s in Africa and he’s walking!’ Unknown Author

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Catastrophiz ‘ing’, just stop it.

 

Have you ever experienced a problem, perhaps someone didnt call, perhaps your boss requested a meeting, and you have automatically created a ‘problem’ and issue?

‘No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.’ Albert Einstein

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This is something I was rather well experienced at, creating drama where there was none, mountains out of ant hills. I would think about the situation, analyse the tone, the email, the words, every little aspect trying to read between the words, but always automatically creating a situation.

A negative situation.

The more we indulge in the behaviour the more we continue to act this way, in all areas of our lives. Your flatmate seems to never vacuum, automatic catastrophe behaviour, he must not like it, he wants to move out (it’s actually quite funny when you read your thought jumps).

A friend doesnt invite you to a drink/catch up…she must not like me.

A guy doesn’t call…he must not like me.

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When you get a chance to write down the issue, you get mental clarity and can effectively look at the ‘situation’ that isnt yet good, or bad and decide how you want to proceed.

‘The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.’ George Bernard Shaw

Do you want to take action? Is this a justified meeting with the boss because perhaps things have been getting away from you? Is the missing invite to the drink session most likely because you always say no and dont drink? Is the guy not calling because p[perhaps hes confused or busy or really just not into you (this one I have no idea)?

You see we are autonomous system is trained to prepare for fight or flight. This comes from the days when we had to fight for our survival, you know a morning cardio session through the woods might lead to a bear or tiger attack, we had to be on guard.

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Now, its not wildlife we have to be prepared for, its other people. So we put our systems on guard, prepared to defend ourselves as required.

 

‘When adversity strikes, that’s when you have to be the most calm. Take a step back, stay strong, stay grounded and press on.’ Ll cool J

The fact is, yes people will hurt you, their actions and their words, perhaps you may be in trouble at work, but these are all things that will occur in life. Creating  catastrophe do nothing to solve the issue, it will only make it bigger. Then all of a sudden your thoughts become, I have no friends, Im going to love my job, Ill never find anyone to love me (yes, I am guilty).

‘The best way to resolve any problem in the human world is for all sides to sit down and talk.’ Dalai Lama

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When this happens, I find it imperative to instantly remove myself from the situation whatever it is. Change your thoughts.

You can return to the situation later when you have a calm clear mind. Acting in anger, defensiveness is not beneficial to you or anyone else.

One of my #1 mantras when I was working in the corporate world…respond dont react.

Even now I use this and push the repeat button in my mind when I need it.

We live in a complicated world, why are you making it more complicated with your catastrophizing behaviour?

Be a solution finder, not a problem maker.

Love & light, Charlie x.

Off to create my own solutions. Where there is a will, there is always a way.

‘The pursuit, even of the best things, ought to be calm and tranquil.’ Marcus Tullius Cicero

 

 

The younger man.

I have noticed a new trend amongst the absolutely beautiful women (I do mean inside & out) I know.

“Maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates and guys are just people to have fun with.” Candace Bushnell, Sex and the city

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A younger man attraction.

When delving into this comparatively ‘new found’ trend in my circle I found a few things.

I have become aware that the females I have started to call my friends, bond with and invest my time with are remarkably similar (sometimes we are in complete awe as to the complexities of these similarities) and have considered these women my soul sisters. They are all strong, driven, stunning (they radiate their beauty but are also truly beautiful girls), smart and successful in their chosen fields.

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‘I’ve been dating younger men since my 20s, When I was 29, I dated someone 21… younger men are just more fun. I like their energy. I’ve always been kind of young for my age.’ Dana Delany

Yet, most that I know are single struggling to find ‘the one’. This is where the younger man comes in.

As we get older we know that everyone has had their own trials and tribulations in their life. It is our duty as we evolve into adults nad become mature that we learn how to deal with our specific situations, releasing them before taking them into new love and situations (sometimes this doesnt exactly happen). It seems to me that both men and women in their 30’s have developed a self-protection layer around their heart, basically a fear of being hurt again. Also, it seems we are the true definition of ‘dont settle for less than you deserve’. Our list of ‘wants’ and ‘needs’ in a partner become quite particular to say the least.

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So when it comes to the strong women and a younger man, what makes it so appealing?

I can say from experience, its easy. We deal with our daily lives, pressures, business and of course as the time ticks the pressure of settling becomes more persistent. When something or someone fun, relaxed and carefree happens its easy to get swept along for the ride.

‘Some women flirt more with what they say, and some with what they do.’ Anna Held

A younger man is effortless. There is no pressure. It’s just easy, and it just happens. And to be honest, younger men seem to appreciate your womanly ways.

y3Is this wrong? I don’t think so, after all age is only a number and I can say some of the young men I know are far more mature than their age, and also some of the older men I know. Just remember to treat others as you want to be treated, be kind, be honest and be real.

We are all here to experience our own journeys, in the end you decide what you will accept, and what you wont. If someone gives you attention, treats you right and can make your heart smile, I say why not?

Love & light, Charlie x.

Off to book a moonlight cinema date with yes, a younger man, a glass of Merlot & protein balls.

 

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A girl or a woman.

As  I am changing my life I truly feel like I am becoming a woman.

What is the difference between a woman and a girl? A cultivated sense of self. As you get older, you become wiser. Very true age old saying.

 

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‘I like being a woman, even in a man’s world. After all, men can’t wear dresses, but we can wear the pants.’ Whitney Houston

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being either. I just wanted to express my thoughts about my feelings, and experiences of what I believe is entering womanhood.

You learn not to sweat the small stuff, you learn about true relationships and people. You become aware of who you are. The things you like, the things you dislike. Youve made enough mistakes to learn from (perhaps are still learning). After years of hard work, growing and learning some woman find it objectionable to be labelled or called a girl. It’s as though being a ‘woman’ rather than a girl demands respect. Weve done the hard work, lived through the highs and lows of life and have chosen the lives we currently live. We have been tested with lifes tribulations and proved that we are worthy of a beautiful life.

‘It takes people a long time to learn the difference between talent and genius, especially ambitious young men and women.’ Louisa May Alcott

I recently read in an article; I go to work with woman, I go shopping with the ‘girls’ (obviously woman but meaning a sense of freedom). Is there pressure as a woman to always be composed? Perhaps so. Woman have a demeanour, a sense of knowing, you may even call it ‘pressure’ placed on them. Especially to ‘make it’ in this face paced world.

As a woman you create a confidence. A confidence that comes from a trust of yourself.

‘People think at the end of the day that a man is the only answer [to fulfillment]. Actually a job is better for me.’ Princess Diana

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We can develop these senses through more self-love work, more positive affirmations, more healthy habits. Every day you are creating change in your life, every small step today is towards your future self. My gosh, even the food you eat today, is what you become…your skin cells turnover every 28 days (approx, this does slow down as we age), the food you eat creates the cells within your body. Are you making the right choices? You really are what you eat.

“A girl wants attention, a woman wants respect. A girl wants to be adored by many. A woman wants to be adored by one.” -anonymous

Do men prefer woman or girls, well I guess that is up to the individual man. Some of my male friends prefer ‘yes’ girls, the type that aren’t pre committed to their own career instead want to commit to their own beck and call.

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‘Smart women love smart men more than smart men love smart women.’ Natalie Portman

Girls have a tendency to believe that the world revolves around image; woman know its whats on the inside that counts.

Girls may believe a man will be their financial saviour; woman know they can be their own financial success.

Girls play games; woman don’t.

Girls look for someone to look after them; woman look for others to look after.

Girls change themselves depending on their man or situation; woman have a firm set of beliefs and sense of self regardless of the situation or man.

Girls speak without integrity; Woman offer integrity in everything they do.

Girls have not yet learnt the value of their body and will use it for attention, flaunting & disrespectfully; woman have learnt the body is priceless to be treasured and shared with someone special.

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“After spending time with a girl, you feel exhausted because she takes more than she gives. After spending time with a woman, you feel invigorated, because she empowers you with possibility, and a passion for life.”  N. Mah

{Please note this is not an ALL girls or ALL woman are like the above post}

After all,we are all beautiful creations. But believe me if I could give my 20yr old self some of the wisdom I know now, I would have changed a few of my ways 😉 But then I wouldnt be where I am today, which is so perfect & Im so grateful.

Love & light, Charlie x.

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A dedication…Nelson Mandela

Yesterday the world lost a true leader. A fighter for the free world. A man who dedicated his life to peace and love.

 “Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.”

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Nelson Mandela (18 July 1918 – 5 December 2013)

As I watched social media fast fill up with dedications and posts, I began to truly understand just how immense his effect was and began to completely feel his power. This was a man that believed in something and dedicated his whole life to the cause, despite the controversies and struggles he faced.

Re-reading his words of wisdom and reflecting on the life he led, really rocked me to the core.

Today I just wanted to share some words from a man who truly believed in change; change that we can create with every small act of love, every 1 person who believes; we can create the change the world needs.

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He devoted his life as a freedom fighter.

As a leader of a freedom, anti racial movement he was branded as a terrorist by a white government. Nelson Mandela served 27 years in prison, working more than 7 hrs a day for nearly 12 years until force labor was abolished on Robben Island. His cell was small and contained a bucket as a toilet. He was allowed one visitor per year for only 30 minutes. Of his time in prison Mandela wrote “People tend to measure themselves by external accomplishments, but jail allows a person to focus on internal ones; such as honesty, sincerity, simplicity, humility, generosity and an absence of variety,” “You learn to look into yourself.

When he walked hand in hand with his wife…“As I finally walked through those gates … I felt — even at the age of seventy-one — that my life was beginning anew.” Here was a man the world had waited to see.

In his time as president (the first black south african president) he created a government of national unity, focusing on anti racial, poverty and equality rights.

‘Poverty is not natural’.

Although a controversial figure for most of his life, Mandela was rewarded with a Nobel peace price in 1993. He also received the US presidential medal of freedom, in his time he received over 250 medals of honour.

He wil be remembered now and forever as a man who dedicated himself to a goal. A goal to create a better world.

 

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Words of wisdom…

‘I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.’

‘It is better to lead from behind and to put others in front, especially when you celebrate victory when nice things occur. You take the front line when there is danger. Then people will appreciate your leadership.’

‘For to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.’

‘There is no easy walk to freedom anywhere, and many of us will have to pass through the valley of the shadow of death again and again before we reach the mountaintop of our desires.’

‘We must use time wisely and forever realize that the time is always ripe to do right.’

“Difficulties break some men but make others. No axe is sharp enough to cut the soul of a sinner who keeps on trying, one armed with the hope that he will rise even in the end.”

“Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.”

 

 

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Mandela; the father of a nation. Bless.

Love & light, Charlie x.

After reflecting on these powerful/strong words I am reminded that I can create my dream reality; I just have to work harder for it.

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Love to get sex (Men)

Men use love to get sex. Im sure you will agree.

‘Since sex got easier to get, love became harder to find.’


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The beautiful word whispered gently, the promises made…

Men know what it takes to get a women into bed. Really, we are quite easy.

Every women dreams of her very own fairytale. The day we can stop dating frogs and find our prince, the real man. Men know this. They prompt our hope, our expectations by whispering gentle words of love.

‘Sex is full of lies. The body tries to tell the truth. But, it’s usually too battered with rules to be heard, and bound with pretenses so it can hardly move. We cripple ourselves with lies.’ Jim Morrison

We accept the beautiful words, hoping, ‘could he be the one’, whilst in his mind he’s thinking & saying everything it takes to get you where he wants you, in bed.

‘I love the lines men use to get us into bed. ‘Please, ill only put it in for as minute’. What am I, a microwave?’ Beverly Mickins

Men are more sexual than women, this is also true.

Men can have sex without emotions, easily. True.

Men often think about sex before the consequences.

“Anybody who believes that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach flunked geography.” Robert Byrne

We have all heard the words; you’re so beautiful, your amazing, how did I get so lucky to meet you and many others. These are standard lines men feed women so we give up our bodies (and we do).

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‘Maybe men are like a drug. Sometimes they bring you down, and sometimes, like now, they get you so high’. Sex and the city.

Tantalize her mind, her body will follow.

Most women need emotion to have enjoyable sex. Men dont. The ugly truth.

‘Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.’ Robert A. Heinlein

I once knew a man who slept with several women daily. How, I don’t know (well obviously I understand the logistics, but morally I dont understand), I’m sure that karma has something wonderful planned for him (my fabulous ex).

‘Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.’ Billy Crystal

I have  heard of men who will utter those three words (I love you) in order to get what they want, without comprehending the full meaning of these three little words that are so big.

How do you know if the words are real? If he is your prince, your dream come true? Actions will always speak louder than words. When he is there for you, not just for sex. When he supports your dreams. Supports you, this is the man who truly cares for you and perhaps loves you. The way that he acts will show you exactly what you mean to him.

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Sometimes men dont know that they want. Men and women are different. Women love to have things organised and planned, we like to know where we are going, where the relationship is going. Men, they are happy to live in the moment, they dont seem to understand our need to organise, and will willing book or do things last-minute (Im sure you have experienced this frustration). This is the same for relationships. They live in the moment. Some men, you may know these types, would be with anybody rather than nobody.

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No wonder everyone is confused.

I do believe that there are men who  are looking for their very own fairytale, and for every man there is one women who will change him.

I believe in love.

Floating on clouds, smile on your face, everything makes sense in the world, colours are brighter the days better…pure, exciting, love.

Lobe & light, Charlie x.

Off to date the most reliable man I know…his name is Gym.

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Your Relationship; toxic?

Toxic; something that deflects life, energy and is no good for you.

I was recently asked by a friend for some advice about how to distance herself, break and get over a bad relationship. A relationship she felt she had lost herself to, and was now causing her Emotional trauma.

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When asked by this person, someone I thought had a strong sense of self, a strong sense of being, I began to contemplate; how does this happen, to the best and worst of us all? We get stuck in relationships that are detrimental to our health in the name of love?

Surely this is the opposite of love? And how do we allow ourselves to become lost? What an interesting contemplation.

‘Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: theyre trying to find someone whos going ti make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.’ Anthony Robbins


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But it does happen. It happened to me. I was always chasing the thought of being married to the love of my Life (by 30, just to add extra pressure), chasing the thought that love from another would complete me. In fact, in this love I refer to, I did the opposite I lost myself, completely. All for the hope of one today becoming his wife and the sense of security I thought being that would mean; always having someone there.

Relationships based on obligation lack dignity. Wayne Dyer

Now, when I reflect it wasn’t him at all, it was the sense of security I thought being in a relationship portrayed; of having someone always there, a hand to hold, a shoulder to lean on and of course someone to always love. It can be confronting to think about your relationship in such a manner, bringing up negative thoughts and emotions, but if you are feeling a sense of being unworthy, of feeling lost, contemplating if this is right…I suggest you take a moment and ask yourself the difficult questions (for in your heart you already know the answer).

If you are afraid to be yourself; the relationship isn’t good for you.

If you feel you aren’t good enough; the relationship isn’t the best one for you.

If you feel you are always wrong; the relationship probably isn’t right for you.

 

Dont you want to be in a relationship you can be your true self? encouraged to grow and develop into the amazing person you want to be? In a relationship that is supporting and nourishing, where you treat each other with a minimum level of respect?

Stop letting people who do so little for you control so much of your mind, feelings and emotions.’ Will Smith

Now, I can honestly tell you, there is always someone there; yourself, your sense of trust, faith and belief that you can deal with anything this beautiful life offers (you just have to take some time to develop it, like watering seeds ina  garden, self love will grow).

So, from falling in love to being trapped in something we don’t know how to break away from, something were not to sure about that we once were positive this was the best love ever, where does the love go? Our sense of self?

‘Falling in love and having a relationship are two different things.’ Keanu Reeves

Some people choose to be in relationships that they know in their hearts aren’t good, scared of being alone.

A thought…why are you scared of being alone? You always have yourself; are you a person you would want to spend time with? (If yes, excellent, I suggest you start spending some quality time with that gorgeous person, if no; what ways can you grow and develop for yourself?)

Often, when in these relationships we become addicted to the drama, the highs of love and the lows of hate.

‘What fascinates me about addiction and obsessive behavior is that people would choose an altered state of consciousness that’s toxic and ostensibly destroys most aspects of your normal life, because for a brief moment you feel okay.’ Moby

We become people we don’t even recognize in the mirror, acting in ways different to that of our true selves, of our morals and beliefs.

My advice for those that feel they are in one of these difficult relationships, is simply ask yourself is this what I really want? Is this how I should be treated? Is this the right way to treat someone else?

Take some time to fall in love with yourself. The saying, first you must love yourself before you can love someone else is true. If you don’t love yourself, your life, you look to the other person to ‘fix’ those areas. Automatically putting pressure on someone who has no idea of those unseen expectations, and is surely destined to fail.

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Contemplate; if the relationship is causing you drama, emotional trauma and you are no longer being true to yourself, is this the definition of a good relationship? Is this the type of relationship you would be happy for any of your loved ones; family and friends to be in?

We seek advice from others, family, friends, even counsellors (I have seen many and I truly believe they are like a personal trainer for your mind), yet all the answers you need are within you.

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Break the addiction. That’s all it really is. Learn to have some self-respect, you are worthy of so much more, but be sure you have more to give. You will be ok on your own, it may take time, practice patience with yourself; good things take time.

Love & light, Charlie x.

Dedicated to a friend I wish I could offer more than my words & love to.

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Land Mines (situations) & how to avoid them.

Every now and then we come across land mines that have the power to destroy us or hurt us.

‘Suffering becomes beautiful when anyone bears great calamities with cheerfulness, not through insensibility but through greatness of mind.’ Aristotle

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We can choose to react; creating drama, problems and ill feeling thoughts, or we can choose to respond; to reflect, evaluate and solve the issue.

How can we effectively choose to respond when our emotions run rampant and choose to react to situations?

Perhaps your boss wasnt happy with your level of work. Perhaps you stumble across an ex boy/girl friend picture with their new boy/girl friend. Perhaps it’s a simple no to a question you asked in hope of a yes.

Our emotions are controlled by the thoughts we think. You do have the power to choose them, although at times this can be difficult to believe. I write from personal experience, there was a time when all I would do with every situation that I continued to put myself in was run around and create ‘drama’, looking for a helping hand, feeling like my life had literally blown up. All I really needed to do was be still and look within.

Sometimes we don’t foresee these land mines and they can affect us in ways we didn’t know possible.

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‘Adversity is the first path to truth.’  ~Lord Byron

Bu it is your choice.

Creating healthy habits and thoughts daily (even every day that you are happy) will in turn build strength, positivity and self trust within yourself. So when you stunble across a land mine you can effectively deal with it; the thoughts and emotions.

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I have found that just like in the field, if you sense or do come across one of these, its important to be still and reflect. What is happening in this very moment? What emotions are you having? What thoughts are they created by?

If you find yourself always reacting, its a good tool to write down the thoughts and feelings as they occur when situations arise. Dont be surprised when you see a pattern. This pattern may stem from inner insecurities, self-doubt or as far back to your childhood.

Even our misfortunes are a part of our belongings.  ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

If you can be still and ask yourself ‘what can I do for you in this very moment’ the answer will come to you, and trust me it’s not to go and create more drama, if you really listen, most of the time the answer will be walk away, let it be, or it’s not your problem, (sometimes we get ourselves so caught up in other people’s problems) generally your answer will be to release and let go in some form thats specific to your issue.

There will always be highs and lows in this beautiful journey that is life, but with every situation you have the choice about how you want to feel.

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If you do have the ability to sense land mines, dont be afraid to take a side step and re direct your self. The only thing certain in this life is change. Be willing and ready to change your direction.

If you do find yourself at a land mine, know that whatever it is you can deal with it. Everything will always be ok (this is one of my personal mantras as I am a highly reactive/learning to respond person).

The problem is not that there are problems.  The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem.  ~Theodore Rubin

After all it is our trials and tribulations that make us stronger and the absolutely amazing person I know you are, today.

‘Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.’ Napoleon Hill

Life is a journey, yours is your own and only you have the power to create the life you love.

Choose wisely.

Love & light, Charlie x.

(off to practice my side stepping).

Please trust me when I say; every cloud has a silver lining, you just have to be willing, open and ready to see it. Open your eyes, your heart, everything you need is already there.

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