Your Relationship; toxic?

Toxic; something that deflects life, energy and is no good for you.

I was recently asked by a friend for some advice about how to distance herself, break and get over a bad relationship. A relationship she felt she had lost herself to, and was now causing her Emotional trauma.

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When asked by this person, someone I thought had a strong sense of self, a strong sense of being, I began to contemplate; how does this happen, to the best and worst of us all? We get stuck in relationships that are detrimental to our health in the name of love?

Surely this is the opposite of love? And how do we allow ourselves to become lost? What an interesting contemplation.

‘Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: theyre trying to find someone whos going ti make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.’ Anthony Robbins


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But it does happen. It happened to me. I was always chasing the thought of being married to the love of my Life (by 30, just to add extra pressure), chasing the thought that love from another would complete me. In fact, in this love I refer to, I did the opposite I lost myself, completely. All for the hope of one today becoming his wife and the sense of security I thought being that would mean; always having someone there.

Relationships based on obligation lack dignity. Wayne Dyer

Now, when I reflect it wasn’t him at all, it was the sense of security I thought being in a relationship portrayed; of having someone always there, a hand to hold, a shoulder to lean on and of course someone to always love. It can be confronting to think about your relationship in such a manner, bringing up negative thoughts and emotions, but if you are feeling a sense of being unworthy, of feeling lost, contemplating if this is right…I suggest you take a moment and ask yourself the difficult questions (for in your heart you already know the answer).

If you are afraid to be yourself; the relationship isn’t good for you.

If you feel you aren’t good enough; the relationship isn’t the best one for you.

If you feel you are always wrong; the relationship probably isn’t right for you.

 

Dont you want to be in a relationship you can be your true self? encouraged to grow and develop into the amazing person you want to be? In a relationship that is supporting and nourishing, where you treat each other with a minimum level of respect?

Stop letting people who do so little for you control so much of your mind, feelings and emotions.’ Will Smith

Now, I can honestly tell you, there is always someone there; yourself, your sense of trust, faith and belief that you can deal with anything this beautiful life offers (you just have to take some time to develop it, like watering seeds ina  garden, self love will grow).

So, from falling in love to being trapped in something we don’t know how to break away from, something were not to sure about that we once were positive this was the best love ever, where does the love go? Our sense of self?

‘Falling in love and having a relationship are two different things.’ Keanu Reeves

Some people choose to be in relationships that they know in their hearts aren’t good, scared of being alone.

A thought…why are you scared of being alone? You always have yourself; are you a person you would want to spend time with? (If yes, excellent, I suggest you start spending some quality time with that gorgeous person, if no; what ways can you grow and develop for yourself?)

Often, when in these relationships we become addicted to the drama, the highs of love and the lows of hate.

‘What fascinates me about addiction and obsessive behavior is that people would choose an altered state of consciousness that’s toxic and ostensibly destroys most aspects of your normal life, because for a brief moment you feel okay.’ Moby

We become people we don’t even recognize in the mirror, acting in ways different to that of our true selves, of our morals and beliefs.

My advice for those that feel they are in one of these difficult relationships, is simply ask yourself is this what I really want? Is this how I should be treated? Is this the right way to treat someone else?

Take some time to fall in love with yourself. The saying, first you must love yourself before you can love someone else is true. If you don’t love yourself, your life, you look to the other person to ‘fix’ those areas. Automatically putting pressure on someone who has no idea of those unseen expectations, and is surely destined to fail.

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Contemplate; if the relationship is causing you drama, emotional trauma and you are no longer being true to yourself, is this the definition of a good relationship? Is this the type of relationship you would be happy for any of your loved ones; family and friends to be in?

We seek advice from others, family, friends, even counsellors (I have seen many and I truly believe they are like a personal trainer for your mind), yet all the answers you need are within you.

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Break the addiction. That’s all it really is. Learn to have some self-respect, you are worthy of so much more, but be sure you have more to give. You will be ok on your own, it may take time, practice patience with yourself; good things take time.

Love & light, Charlie x.

Dedicated to a friend I wish I could offer more than my words & love to.

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Your Wellbeing (6 easy steps)

Happy Friday beautiful people!

After 2 long weeks of work, I am starting to feel exhausted and definitely ready for a little ‘me’ time tomorrow. At times life gets busy, we tend to forget about the little things that contribute to our wellbeing. So today, as I have been reminding myself all week, I thought I would share a little reminder with you…after all it is the little things that matter.

1. Smile more

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Have you ever had those days were life has just been ‘good’, brilliant even? And you find yourself walking around seemingly in a daze, radiating positive energy and maybe with a small smile on your lips or a twinkle in your eye…those days tend to get better and better. You attract what you give. So SMILE. Share yourself with the world, and as the saying goes, smile and the world will smile with you. I have recently tried this myself, smiling at every person over for the duration of a day. Most likely many thought I was some kind of crazy, but on the rare occasion the smile was returned, and my day got brighter. Try smiling to the people who my be assisting you with a frown, to the random stranger that smiles at you, even to ‘that’ person who is perhaps agitated with you (think road rage, customers etc).  Even on the phone to the customer service teams we all dread dealing with.

Smiling and being nice will get you everywhere.

2. Drink more water9

 

How much water are you drinking daily? I personally struggle drinking 2L per day and am constantly reminding myself…water…drink it. Water is essential for our bodies as we are anywhere from 55% – 78% water (interesting, the brain is 90% water, muscles 75% and blood 82%), It is imperative we stay hydrated as water carries oxygen to our cells. Perhaps you are a chronic migraine or headache sufferer? Many times, this will be due to dehydration rather then anything else. Water can assist in preventing fluid retention (that awful occurrence on my problematice areas). Keeping your fluids up will also help provide a feeling of satiety for longer, hence why some claim water can aid in fat loss. Water is also a natural cleanser and detoxifier for our bodies (and we all need a little help in removing toxins).

 

3. Get moving

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Every little bit counts and there is NEVER a good excuse not to move your body! There are so many wonderful reasons why exercise and movement is good for us. Lets start with weight loss. Exercise assists any weightloss program and will improve the quality of the muscle. More muscle, burns more fat (actually, muscle burns 3 x as much ATP/energy as fat). Exercise releases Endorphins; the happy drug. Endorphins make you feel good (so get moving NOW). Regular exercise decreases the risk of serious health concerns such as heart disease, diabetes and cancer. Exercise is essential for brain health, muscle strength and nutrient delivery.
It doesn’t matter what you do, just do somethingeveryday. Create a healthy habit. you might surprise yourself and ENJOY it.

YOU earn YOUR BODY.

 

4. Restrict processed foods

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Nutrition can be so confusing. So lets make it simple.

*Fresh IS best. (Organic is even better). NBB: Add in as many green vegetables as you like.

*Stop eating processed, refined foods. NBB: Be REAL not FAKE.

*Say no to the white powders; Sugar, white flour, artificial sweeteners. These act like a drug in the body.

*Eat unlabelled food. If there is a label, if you cant pronounce an ingredient, Don’t eat it.

*Don’t drink your calories. NBB: Swap for Green tea.

*Quality vs quantity.

‘Let food be thy medicine, and medicine be thy food’. Hippocrates

 6. Be grateful (every day)

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Wake up each morning with an attitude of gratitude. be thankful for everything you have in your life, right now. Appreciate the present moment, stop reminiscing over yesterday, planning for what tomorrow will be, be thankful for the here and now, the very moment you are alive, breathing and living your life. You have so much to be thankful for.

‘Gratitude opens the door to…the power, the wisdom, the creativity of the universe. You open the door through gratitude’. Deepak Chopra.

7. Slow down. Just breathe

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Take a moment to stop. Breathe deeply and release. The power of the breath has been researched for years, and the benefits reported are many. But all you really need to do, is stop right now, breath in deeply, slowly, controlled, fill your lungs up with as much oxygen as possible and slowly release. Repeat x 10. Take a moment, do it now. The sense of calm that washes over me is like a sense of euphoria. When life gets busy, when I think I could be about to react. I breathe. Try it. Something so simple, but it works. Practising breathing techniques is also a great healthy habit to get into before sleep, to appreciate the stillness and sense of calm.

Hope you enjoyed these small healthy habits. Health is not hard. Just start doing something good, everyday and you are on your way to wellness.

Love & light, Charlie x.

The ‘no excuse, anytime, anywhere’ Workout.

If I mention exercise, how do you feel? Are you excited, energised or do you feel nervous, apprehensive?

Like most people I have a love/hate relationship with exercise…when I’m focused and in the zone, I’m good, really good. When I have no goal, unfocused, I’m just turning up to the gym…Im a bit blaze, not So good.

phgreotoMy general approach to any form of exercise, anything that gets you moving, is that there is never any excuse not to! Never!

It’s to cold, it’s raining, I’m tired, it’s to expensive… Just some of the excuses that I hear every day. I know I have definitely tried to use each of these as justifications for myself when I simply could not be bothered to get myself to the gym. Excuses are pure laziness.

I’m sorry to be a bit realistic, but I speak the truth. The moment you hear any of these thoughts in your own mind, challenge them. Think deeper. Are you committed to change? COMMITMENT, DEDICATION & PERSERVERANCE are the KEYS to SUCCESS.

Exercise…all the reasons WHY you SHOULD get yourself moving…

1. Exercise increases circulation and your HDL (good) cholesterol and lowers your LDL (bad) cholesterol levels, therefore is beneficial in prevention of heart disease, stroke, diabetes and cardiovascular problems.

“Some exercise is better than none and more is better than less.” Dr William Krauss, The New England Journal of Medicine.

2. Exercise enhances your Mood; Endogenous (internal) opiates are secreted when we exercise.  Endorphins, (your feel good hormone) adrenaline, serotonin, and dopamine create a feeling of wellbeing. As exercise increases the feel good hormones, it also decreases the stress hormone, Cortisol. *Studies show physically active people recover from mild depression more quickly.

3. Exercise increases Energy, Stamina and your sex life; physically and psychologically this has been proven as the fitter you are the more desirable you feel. According to the American Council on Exercise (ACE), being physically active can be “a natural Viagra boost”. “Men and women who exercise regularly are going to have increased levels of desire. They’re going to have enhanced confidence, enhanced ability to achieve orgasm and greater sexual satisfaction,” says Cedric Bryant, the council’s chief exercise physiologist.*

Increased energy production happens on the cellular level, beginning in the Mitochondria, the energy producing organs within your cells. Whilst some energy is derived from your diet, it is ultimately relevant to the number of Mitochondria you have (your ability to produce energy). Mitochondria activity is affected by daily activity.

4. Exercise improves sleep quality; ”Exercise is great for sleep. For the millions of people who want better sleep, exercise may help,” says David Cloud, CEO of the National Sleep Foundation (NSF). Exercise is a stressor. The brain compensates physical activity by more time in a deep (Stage 4/Delta) sleep.

5. Exercise assists weight loss (this one we all know); exercise will promote calorie consumption and build muscle. Muscle requires 3 x more metabolic activity (energy) compared to fat. Consult with a Health Coach, Gp or Personal Trainer to find out the best form of exercise for your individual requirements and goals.

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Now, after reading some of the reasons why and how exercise is beneficial for you…

The no excuse, anytime, anywhere full body workout.

This can be done in the privacy of your own home (then it doesn’t even matter what you wear), or, if you don’t mind looking a little silly but perhaps inspiring others, outside is great. (I do believe I have mentioned my neighbours probably think I am the ‘crazy’ girl doing sprint HIIT, walking lunges, fire escape stairs).

Just do it, get it done.

‘I really regret that workout’ said No one ever!

Chances are you will feel better after you have exercised then how you felt before. 481257_261706440631943_1007583714_n

Anytime, anywhere. No gym. No weights. (Even no shoes) required.

Walk 15 minutes.

*20 x Squats (as low as you can go)

*20 x press ups (I dare you to attempt some full press-ups/knees OFF the ground)

*20 x Lunges each side (stationary or walking)

*20 x Tricep dips

* 20 x Sit-ups

Repeat x 3-5 (you can also increase your sets to 30 or 50 of each depending on your level of fitness)

Walk 30 minutes.

The best bit: Endorphins are released, your feel good Hormone, your Circulation is flowing, oxygen and nutrients are being delivered around your body, your Lymphatic System is working; toxins are being removed, and your burning fat….

Tell me again, did you have a reason not to? Was there an excuse?

Make it FUN…

If you have stairs close to where you live (like Me I use my fire escape, again, Im probably deemed the crazy/obsessive/fanatical workout girl) throw in a couple of sets up and down and then, do 1 more (best booty or ‘bubble butt’ builder there is).

Add this in to your morning routine 3 x weekly, commit and create change.

How much do you want to change your body? How much work are You committed to doing?

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Create healthy habits and you will be on your way to living a life of wellness. Exercise is an essential aspect of Being well.

Find balance, exercise with friends, make it social and you wont even realise how much good work you’ve done, the time will pass so quickly.

Love & light, Charlie x.

NBB tip: Find a role model, someone who actively lives there life and practices what they preach.

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Why Diets DO NOT work…

If you are like me, you would have attempted at least one diet, ‘guaranteed to lose kilos within weeks’, the zone, Gluten free, Weight watchers, Paleo, Macrobiotics, RAW foods, Low Carb, High carb, protein…to name only a few. (Yes, I have tried them all).

No wonder we have become confused.

Nutrition is unlike any other field, where professionals are more likely to disagree then to agree. Just look at diary, is it good, is it bad? Many researchers will say yes, many will say no.
If you are like me, you will have found that these diets & their weightloss claims very seldom work, and if you have successfully obtained weight loss during the diet, it just as quickly returns.
Diets do not work.
Lets look at the psychological reasons:

It is Human nature to want what we cant have (numerous studies have proven this). Being on a ‘restrictive diet automatically makes the body & mind want what you aren’t állowed’. In actual fact, starting a diet is setting yourself up to fail.

Because you think the diet is for a set amount of time, even when you accomplish this restrictive type of eating for a set amount of time, you will generally return to old eating habits and routines after you have completed the diet.

The term ”diet’ itself will generate a negative mindset as most people have negatively experienced dieting. Hunger, mood changes, low energy, headaches etc. Anthony Robbins says, look at the first 3 letters of the word, most people feel they will Die on a  diet.

What about changing your lifestyle? Stop the diet!!!

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What if you truly loved yourself enough to think of food as a way to nourish your body and mind for optimal performance??? This is where we need to be.

Food IS amazing. Superfoods are becoming increasingly popular for the mental and physical benefits they provide (Goji berries, Quinoa, Kale to name a few).

NBB (nourish.balance.breathe) guide: Be REAL, not FAKE.

REAL: Unprocessed, nutritious foods that nourish the body; wholegrains, fresh vegetables &  fruits, protein, Seeds, Nuts, Essential fats. WATER.

FAKE: Processed foods, sugars, wheat, artificial sweeteners, fried, Saturated fats, excessive salts.

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Changing your lifestyle, changing your mindset…contemplate living well 90% of the time and when needed, chose whichever food you prefer, that may not be considered REAL, only 10% of the time.

Healthy Habits:

Be aware that it can be difficult to break bad habits, research shows anywhere from 21 days to years, but EVERY day that you choose REAL over FAKE is a day closer to reaching your healthy living goals.

*Keep a daily food log. You will be surprised at how the ‘little’ things add up, and you may not even be aware you do it!

*Stop thinking about being on a diet. Truth is, you can have anything you want. But…how does it make you feel? Does FAKE food make you feel good? Question yourself before you consume those not so good foods. Is it habit? Are you an emotional eater? Ask yourself what situation you are in that is causing that craving. Change the situation.

Change your mind, change your focus.

*Reward yourself with a clean ‘treat’. There are so many natural REAL recipes available now. Do your research and experiment. Being healthy is not boring, its fun! When you can get creative with your food and explore REAL food tastes and combinations…this is healthy living.

Clean Chocolate Mousse: Try using 1/3 of an avocado, 1 tsp Cacau (not Cocoa) 1 serve Stevia and mix. Simple, easy, Clean sweet treat (yes I crave Sugar/chocolate which is actually the feel good hormone PEA, also released from cuddles). Containing good essential fatty acids and Cacau is an excellent antioxidant (just read any of David Wolfes, the Raw food guru’s,  books or attend his seminars, loves it!), this is an easy guilt free treat.

Set REAL goals. ‘Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment’. Jim Rohn

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Think of food as nourishing your body. Food is Fuel. (Don’t be cheap & nasty).

Take care of your body, its the only place you have to live.

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Stop dieting and start to eat according to your lifestyle goals. Do you want to feel good (all the time)?? Do you want to have increased energy? To feel good on the inside?

Stop the dieting, start being aware of the foods you are consuming and how they make you feel. WRITE it down. Stop being FAKE. Be REAL. Enjoy healthy living and how amazing you to can feel.

TODAY I ATE:

IT MADE ME FEEL:

(as we progress on our healthy living journey together I will expand on all of these topics mentioned today; diet trends, superfoods, etc).

Today, I started my day with Wholegrain Oats (Carbohydrates) , APS Banana IsoMorph Protein, Organic Blueberries (Antioxidant, natural sugars), and Chia Seeds (Complete protein/digestive aid), and yes it was YUM!!! *And even more so because I know how good it is for me!972262_10151728948333619_1313431549_n

Love & light, Charlie x.

P.s Abs are made in the Winter….

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